Thursday, April 30, 2009
That was one of the first things I noticed when I moved down south a few years ago. All of a sudden, I started hearing people say "Yes Sir", "No sir", "Yes Ma'am", "No Ma'am" when speaking. It threw me for a loop because I was never referred to as sir from anybody as far back as I can remember. All the kids call me sir, and it freaks me out. I ask them a question, and it’s always "Yes Sir" or "No Sir". I'm not used to that, and I even had to warn my daughter when she visited from up north last summer. We spoke about it when she was here and even she thought it was weird. Wow, these people are so polite around here was my initial thought. But then I stayed here for a while and found out differently.
Lemme tell you...
never in my life have I encountered some of the nastiest people without any home training. No joke, these people are some of the most uncouth muthafuckas I've ever encountered. All that "Yes Sir, No Sir" shit is just a facade. I think it’s just one of those cultural things that was left over from slavery. You know, kinda like the state of Georgia flying a confederate flag above the state capitol? Yeah, just like that. I mean seriously, I can't stand a person who has no home training as it’s often referred to. It’s as though there isn't any decorum around these parts. You know the people who lack proper social communication skills? I hate that shit. That whole southern gentlemen or southern belle shit may have happened once upon a time, but it damn sure isn't happening these days. Even if it did, I have to question whether it ever involved the behavior of Blacks in this regard.
I hate when I encounter someone and offer them the traditional hello in a kind and welcoming tone and get no response. I hate that shit; yes I hate rude people. I hate when people walk into my home or anywhere I've been first and not speak to me. You don't have to speak to me directly like I'm a King or anything, but at least act the part like you recognize that you're in someone else's home. I've had that happen to me on more than one occasion recently, and I'm getting sick of it. Morgan Freeman is from the south and I'm pretty sure he acts nothing like the rest of these people around here. But then again, he left and went to that other country called the North. I'm pretty sure that with him living in Mississippi right now he can understand my pain. Then again, maybe he wouldn’t. He’s rich and famous so they'll always be nice to him. Me? No such luck.
I'm also sick of going to a business establishment and being treated like either I'm invisible, or like my breath stinks by other Black people. Down here, it’s like a fuckin chore to do what you're paid to do and be hospitable. Now I'm sure this happens all over the country, but I guess it pisses me off down here because these Black folks are all formal when they address you. Hell, they even call you by your first name and put Mister in front of it. That right there is the bullshit I can't stand; yes, it irks my damn nerves.
"Hey Mr. Patrick, how can I help you?"
Asshole, Patrick is my first name. Where I come from, you address people using their last name with the title Mister in front of it. Maybe I'm just trippin or asking for too much from people around here. Hell, maybe I just don't know the southern laws or something because things sure are different around here than where I come from. I have to wonder if I were white if I'd be treated differently. But then again, though they may treat me differently, as in nicer, I'm pretty sure they'd spit in my soda and hand it to me with a smile.
I could understand and respect the cultural differences which are geographically determined. But damn, if you gonna call me Sir all the damn time, at least act like you have some home training otherwise, that's not limited to putting a title in front of someone's name. I mean what ever happened to "thank you", "please", "you're welcome", and "I'm sorry"? Sure I know people up north are short on that too, but they don't set me up for failure by thinking they're nice people like the people around here do. I mean, if you're gonna act the part of a slave and constantly referring to me as Mister Patrick and shit, the least you can do is come to my house and pick my cotton. Maybe they should bring back Negro Water Fountains. I'm pretty sure that back then in the days of segregation they were nicer to each other than they are now.
QUESTION:What are some of your pet peeves about where you live?
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
It was then that I got to thinking about all the previous Mother's Day gifts; even going all the way back to those ugly little cards we used to make in grade school. Those cards were so raggedy looking but your mother never ever let it show. She was happy, and you felt good and never gave any thought to whether your card was good enough. Ah yes, the simple life. I've given my mother many gifts over the years. So as I'm thinking about it, I'm stuck on what to give her. I mean what do you give your mom when you've pretty much given her everything, right?
That's when it hit me; maybe I should get her a sex toy. I mean hey, that's something I've never done. I don't know if she would use it or even know what it is should she to open something like that in the mail. Do you think that would be inappropriate? What? It’s not like she’s never had sex before. I don't know about you but I could remember being like 7yrs old and sneaking and reading her porn magazines; or did they belong to my dad? Either way, they had a sex draw full of stuff. No joke, for a long time I thought condoms were balloons and me and my little brother would have water balloon fights with them.
My mom and my dad has been divorced for well over 20yrs and she has never had another boyfriend other than Jesus. That said, there are times I wonder about her and how does she do it. Do you think that would be wrong? Do you think you could ever buy your mother a vibrator, dildo or any other sex toy as a gift? How do you think she would react if you did? Do you think she would use it? What if one of your kids gave you a sex toy as a present, how do you deal with that?
Last night on Twitter, I came across the video below from @TalkToTisha. The below video shows what happened at one Popeyes in Rottenchester (Rochester, NY), where we both ironically grew up.
“People got kids, they’re trying to feed…and you mean to tell me we can’t feed our kids???”
“They always run out of something.”
“I wanted some chicken today.”
“They shoulda had a stockpile of chicken.”
“I was tryna feed my family tonight.”
If you notice, the news anchor on the right, looked as though she was about to burst into laughter. I could only imagine what was going through her head. Now, I wonder if there were news cameras in the Penfield area (a less ‘black’ area) Popeyes restaurant there, waiting to see the reaction from the white customers. I highly doubt it.
Sometimes I want to scream at the top of my lungs, “WHAT THE FUCK BLACK PEOPLE???”
Is chicken that serious for you to embarrass yourself on national television? If you were so desperate to feed your children, take your ass into the kitchen and cook! Spend that $4.99 plus tax on some broccoli!Of course the news station, WHAM 13, caught a lot of slack and wrote about it on their own website. I’d definitely call WHAM’s news coverage of this story wack journalism at it’s best. It’s always a great thing when the local news can get a laugh or two out of the lack of fried chicken.
CLICK TO READ MORE AND SUBSCRIBE TO FUNGKE BLAK CHIK
Monday, April 27, 2009
You know what? I don't get the big deal about this lady. Ok, so I get the point that she looks like the love child of Rodney Dangerfield and the character “Fiona” from the Shrek movies. Yes I get that, but damn, just because she looks the way she does doesn't mean she can't sing or do anything else. I get the feeling that from here on out anything she does will leave people in awe. She can fix a ham sammich and probably bring people to tears just because she's photgenically challenged. I mean what was she supposed to sound like?
I mean seriously, has anyone noticed that most female singers in the industry are low on talent but high on sex appeal? All jokes aside, name one ugly female artist with a record deal. Fuck, Amy Winehouse is a crackhead and weighs probably less than my 1yr old, and she has a recording contract, and hell she's from England. Are people in awe of her when she sings? I mean nobody has interviewed with her and said, "You know for a crackhead you sure are talented, amazing and inspirational!" Nope nobody ever says that. But I had to wake up in the middle of the night and see another singer from Britain being heralded as such.
Well she’s an inspiration RiPPa.
I’m sorry; a person with one leg competing in the Olympics is inspirational. Who exactly is she inspiring?!! Listen, when you wear an ugly dress, neglect your hair, and refuse to shave your bushy eyebrows and look the way you do, that’s on you. Trust me, there’s nothing inspirational about that. So what's the big deal already? I mean, if she were an auditioning contestant on American Idol, would she have gotten this much attention? I'd love to hear what you think about that one. Me? I'll be honest; I doubt they would have even selected her to go to Hollywood. I've seen some women who could blow audition but yet they are turned down because of their look.
One thing I know for sure is that Britain may have talent but it sure has ugly, and this woman is just another one in a long line of them. Hello?!! There is Mick Jagger, Ozzy Osborne, Ringo Star, anyone remember these guys? I could go on and on, but I guess not. The messed up thing is that already all this attention has gone to this woman's head. You know how an ugly muthafucka gets the big head when he/she is in the spotlight, right? Yeah, this Susan chick has turned down an interview with Oprah Winfrey. Yes, that Oprah Winfrey; uh huh, the one who beat Harpo's ass.
She wanted to do an interview with the new singing sensation on her show but Susan has refused. If she was really trying to make it big, she would have definitely interviewed with Oprah. Instead, she's been on the talk show circuit and interviewed with Larry "The Crypt Keeper" King on CNN. Oh well, whether she wins the competition or not, the whole world knows about her, and I'm sure she could make a living appearing in Shrek the Broadway version. Who knows, she just may finally be kissed; never mind that it's by an Ogre.
The U.S. gov't has even gone as far as to declare some sort of state of emergency or something like that. Obviously it's some serious shit when people have suddenly and quickly died from it all over the world. Just great, just in time for the summer BBQ cookouts that I love, in comes some asshole messin with my damn pork.
What asshole are you talking about RiPPa?
The asshole in Mexico who had sex with a pig who started this shit! You know that's how this thing always starts right? Just like AIDS/HIV some Negro in Africa saw if fit to have sex with a monkey and hell, the rest is history. I mean, that's what "they" said, and that's what I believe; later for all that man made germ warfare stuff. From the looks of it, they're trying to say that it started or came out of Mexico. As if Mexicans needed any more bad press right now with their drugs, guns, undocumented migrant workers and such, now there's this news. Yup, this thing gives a whole new meaning to the term Dirty Sanchez doesn't it? Not just that, but from here on out Mexicans or pretty much anybody who looks to be of Latin descent will be suspected of bestiality and going raw dog with pigs. They have enough negative stereotypes as is, and I think it's sad that they must now embrace another cultural barrier the likes of those African monkey fuckers.
The thing that gets me is that this is happening under Barack Obama's watch which means that somehow someway, he'll be responsible as it's always convenient to blame the Negro. People have been disturbed by his presidency that there are all types of conspiracy theories floating around. I'm pretty sure some idiot is going to use this to say that this was his Muslim way of proclaiming his form of Jihad on the world; according to polling, 11% of the American public still believe he's Muslim. I can hear it now. Yup, Barack the closet Muslim extremist/part-time Anti-Christ did this all in an attempt to wipe out the pork eating infidels of the world. I mean he hates this country and palls around with terrorists and democratically elected dictators like Hugo Chavez of Venezuela exchanging the now infamous “Boyz in the Hood” handshake. I wish I could take credit for the name of the handshake but some prick on Fox has already put that one out there.
Now Black people on the other hand? They're probably gonna say that this is all the work of his White side. Yup, there are some Negroes out there who don't too much care for the man. Yup, and I can hear them now sitting around mad and saying that this too is all the work of Obama's White side. Uh huh, they probably think that this was his way to save Negroes from all that hypertension from eating that damn pork. I mean, Negroes don't have health insurance for the most part, right? And Obama isn't pushing Single Payer Health Care which would make it free for Negroes and the working poor people; and you know how Negroes love free stuff, right? Yeah, that plus he did this to combat the Obesity issue. That's another one to be tossed around especially since recently it’s been reported that fat people are to blame for Global Warming. Let's not forget to add the fact that fat people now have to purchase three seats on a plane to fly.
I mean I know fat people like me are often accused of being full of shit, but this one here takes the cake. Oh well, such is life I suppose. Everybody has to have somebody to blame for what's fucked up in this world and seldom do they ever look in the mirror like me. Me, I just look on the bright side. At least with this "new scare thing" people are going to cut back on pork. Yup, and for me, that would mean no chitlins being cooked at my in-laws this year for Thanksgiving. I've been working on my own personal stop eating chitlins campaign for some years now without much luck. Thankfully because of this, people will eat beef instead, and settle for being mad cows instead of flu ridden pigs with a chance of death, and chitlin breath.
QUESTION: What's the deal with all these "deadly" viruses originating outside of this country and conveniently being "mysteriously" originated by people of color?
Sunday, April 26, 2009
I think it's funny how people selectively want justice only if it directly impacts their lives. Sure its ok to torture someone who wears a towel on his head as long as we're fighting this war on terror and they're being housed in Gitmo, or lord knows where else because of rendition. Yep, I don't give a shit because those fuckers had it coming to them since 9/11. I mean really! So what if we started treating people this way who are housed currently in our jails and prisons? I mean, why not simulate drowning in order to get confessions from alleged criminals upon arrest.
Yeah, screw that old school method of slamming their nuts in a drawer, or beating them with telephone books. That shit is outdated and obviously ineffective. Yeah, let’s get enhanced. Don't you just love the fuckin politically correct terms these days? Torture is now known as "enhanced interrogations". Yeah like by being "enhanced", it's less painful or draconian. I'm guessing enhanced interrogations means these people are all having the bottom of their feet tickled with feathers in an attempt to gain information.
But no, we're supposed to leave the past in the past and move forward. Forget prosecuting anyone in the face of a crime being committed. Well, if that's the case, why do we have our tax dollars go towards a special department to hunt down Nazi war criminals? Oh I get it, what they did was cruel and unusual punishment. Yup, not only that, its not like their torture method was enhanced. I mean after all, what's the big deal? It's only water right? So what if waterboarding or simulated drowning was done 183 times a month, that guy had it coming to him. Besides, the treatment he received was enhanced, right?
Screw it, we should start seeing that type of stuff on The First 48 or maybe even Law & Order for that matter. Yup, and the police departments all across the country should adopt this as policy. Might as well because it's definitely not torture. Torture is living in this country knowing that Bush lied and that nothing is going to be done about it. Yup, that's torture alright.
QUESTION(S):Do you think it's neccessary for these acts to be used as a tool of interrogation? Should anyone be prosecuted for these acts as the war crime that it is? Should we use enhanced interrogation techniques on U.S. soil? Do you agree with Obama on this one?
|The Playa Hater's Ball|
Before I get into the award portion of this presentation. I'd like to say that RiPPa truly appreciates the interaction and feedback that he has received from you dear readers. He especially wants to thank you for your support because he understands as his wife always says, that it's not easy putting up with his ass. Oh, my bad, that was his first wife. Oh well, at any rate, I know that for some of you I may be a hard pill to swallow me being a hater and all. However, I want it to be known that what you read on this blog is indeed an extension of RiPPa, and who he is. Trust me, this is not an act, and yes, RiPPa is truly passionate about blogging. He sees blogging as the next "movement" of sorts. It is truly an avenue where people can get together and exchange ideas and advance necessary causes. It is through the advent of the internet, social networking outlets and blogging has the world truly shrunken to bring people together. Me personally, I don't give a fuck about this blog shit, but this nigga paid me so I'm here with you geeks.
This is why RiPPa's blog is titled The Intersection of Madness and Reality. He has always wanted this page or his slice of internet heaven - or hell depending on how you look at at - to be somewhat like water cooler in the office. Or more so like the bus stop on the corner where one can catchup on the latest happenings throughout the community. I guess he's just a people person like that, and hence the many links you see to the left of some of the best blogs in his opinion out here . Shit, if it was me, I'd link this mugg to nothin but porn sites that I run and get paid off you fools. So with that said, it is with much humility and honor that I accept the following awards since RiPPa's fat ass couldn't be here. And it is also with much love and pride this nigga RiPPa passes on the following awards to their recipients.
RiPPa was presented the Noblesse Obliged Award by Mister Jaycee of the blog A Choice of Weapons, to whom he is most grateful. This is a brother who has been a reader of RiPPa's madness for almost a year. A brother who with his blog has enlightened the masses from day one. RiPPa has also have had the pleasure of being a recipient of The Splash Award from MacDaddy of the blog daddyBstrong. His is a blog, as well as Mister Jaycee's, that if it isn't in your current blogroll or daily reading, you're definitely missing out. I would encourage you to check these brothers out, see what you think; I mean, you be your own judge, but realize that RiPPa will never lie to you especially when he paid me to say that shit.
It is with much pleasure and pride, that RiPPa passes these awards to the following:
1) Carry me Home - This brother Cary, is somewhat of a newcomer on the scene. However, from the 1st post I've read of his within the last two months. He has never disappointed me. He is funny and insightful with his commentary on life in general, and I urge you to give him a look. I assure you, he will impress you and I believe he's bound to leave his mark on this here the blogosphere.
2) Happy Nappy Head - I've been reading this blog for a long ass time, and I have been always impressed by this woman's ability to stay true to her convictions and principles which shows in her posts. She's not one to just talk the talk, she is an active community organizer on and offline. Seattle Slim is her name and she is one of my blog heroes, and has been for quite some time.
3) Siditty: Angry & Black Since 1976 - Don't let the title fool you. Siditty is not to be confused with the stereotypical angry Black woman. I appreciate the fact that even being a Black woman married and commited to a loving interracial relationship, she has not lost sight of just what it means to be Black in America. She continuously engages her readers with social issues of the day, as well as an insight into just what makes her tick daily. It's hard out here for the sisters and she makes no apologies for her delivery and opinions, and that's what I love about her.
4) Fungke Blak Chik - In another life, if I had less of a beer belly, I would probably propose to this woman. Yes, she has her head on straight and she is funny as hell. Her blog is a riot to read everyday, and her topics range from girly girly to fight the power. Hers is an ongoing struggle with relationships, men, crabby bitches at the office in her corporate world. Trust me, you deifinitely want to add her to your blogroll. Besides that, she knows damn near everybody.
5) The Old Black Church! (What Happened to the Old Black Church?) - Mrs. Brock is one woman that I love when it comes to this blog thing. I love the fact that even with her religious convictions, she's not afraid to challenge what is perceived as socially acceptable in politics, social issues, life and otherwise without being "preachy" as the tilte of her blog may fool you into believing. Personally, I'm not a very spiritual or religious person, but even so, her blog is one that I enjoy reading each day. Her approach to issues is what keeps me reading. Don't let the title fool ya.
6) Keeping up with the Huxtables - The Socialite is a sister who has been doing her thing for over a year now. Inspired by the loss of her mother to start this blog as therapy, has earne3d her the title of being the Best New Blog 2008 by the Weblog Awards. From the first time I ran into her over at The Urban Blogger, I knew she was something special. She covers pretty much everything within the Black culture, and yet she's light on the gossip. She deals with everyday issues facing our community, and she forces readers to think of solutions. You cannot leave this blog after reading and not felt that just for a few minutes you were a part of something special.
7) Black Folks Don't Swim! - When I grow up, this is the blog I want to be. My man Folk (yes thats his name) is one of the funniest cats I've ever met in this blogosphere. He has his own unique delivery and style which (in my opinion) isn't rivaled by many. He manages to somehow keep it ghetto but intellectually stimulating all at the same time. And trust me, as a person who knows a lil bit about comedy, that shit is hard to do. You guys shouild be reading this blog every chance you get. This brother will have you laughing and co-signing what he says even if you don't fully agree. The way he approaches topics alone is worth the read.
8) Raw Dawg Buffalo - Torrence is probably the fuckin smartest dudes to break shit down with his own slanguage that I've ever met. He's an enigma in my book when it comes to this. One day he can keep it all intellectual being the Dr. that he is, and the next he can be representin' his beloved hometown Memphis TN. with his style of delivery. I love the fcat that he remains critical of everything political. He's not one to sip the Kool Aid without asking the flavor before its handed to him. Plainly spoeaking, this brother has his eyes open always, and he's not afraid to speak the truth even when it may not be popular.
9) [un]Common Sense - Eddie Blue Eyes is my Puerto-Rican cousin. Ok, not really my cousin, but dammit I'm claiming him. By far, he is one of the most accomplished and engaged brothers I know who is active in affecting change daily. He's an activist in the NYC area, and he's well accomplished. I've known him for about 3yrs now and he's always been the same. He's always been consistent with his views, and passionate about what he loves; which is fighting for the underdog. Forever the intellect he is, he may surprise you as being the funny muthafucka that he is. It is a must that you folks keep up with his blog. Seriously, if you care about what's going on politically or otherwise, this is the guy to read.
These blogs all do exemplify what blogging is all about. They all in their unique way are engaged in the ongoing "movement" that is the blogosphere. They all inform, entertain, engage, and exhibit Socratic questioning within much of their posts. These are all blogs, that though they may not see me comment, I frequent and appreciate what they bring to the table everyday. I urge you to visit them, and support them as part of your ongoing online blog experience.
Oh yeah, I forgot to do something...
The details f these awards:
THE NOBLESSE OBLIGE AWARD
Criteria for receiving this award:
1. The Blogger manifests exemplary attitude, respecting the nuances that pervades amongst different cultures and beliefs.
2. The Blog contents inspire; strives to encourage and offers solutions.
3. There is a clear purpose at the Blog; one that fosters a better understanding on Social, Political, Economic, the Arts, Culture and Sciences and Beliefs.
4. The Blog is refreshing and creative.
5. The Blogger promotes friendship and positive thinking.
The Blogger who receives this award will need to perform the following steps:
Create a Post with a mention and link to the person who presented the Noblesse Oblige Award.
The Award Conditions must be displayed at the Post.
Write a short article about what the Blog has thus far achieved – preferably citing one or more older post to support.
The Blogger must present the Noblesse Oblige Award in concurrence with the Award conditions.
THE SPLASH AWARD
For accepting The Splash award, the rules are:
* Put the logo on your blog post.
* Nominate up to 9 blogs which allure, amuse, bewitch, impress or inspire you.
* Be sure to link to your nominees within your post.
* Let them know that they have been splashed by commenting on their blog.
* Remember to link to the person from whom your received your Splash award
Now, I wanna think y'all for coming out, goodnight, God bless, and excuse me while I go home and soak my feet in Bucknasty's momma's dish while watching my bootleg cable and drink liqour. By the way, watch for me in the coming months as I might get into this blog thing myself. And to all you haters out there of me, RiPPa, or this site, lemme say...
Yo momma looks like a pregnant Morgan Freeman mixed with Danny Glover and a splash of Lou Gosset Jr.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Ok, so what would happen if a parent were to use a taser to punish their child. I mean seriously, what would happen if Child Protective Services became aware that something like this was done to just one child? Obviously there'd be an investigation, and possible removal of said child, right? Well, why in the world isn't there a Congressional investigation into the number of people who have died at the hands of the police after being tasered?!!
Look, I'm not talking about investigating burn marks from the use of tasers. I'm talking about the investigation of multiple deaths. Tasers are classified as non-lethal, but when they have resulted in the deaths of more than a few people, I'd say this is an obvious red flag, or call for attention moment, right? Well, does a child have to die from being tased by the police for this to be taken seriously? Is that what it's going to take. I mean, in a couple states right now its not against the law for a child to be tasered by the cops. Now, lets go back to the parent tasering scenario again. Do you think you'd be able to get away with that on one of your kids?
Of course not. That said, it's time that people took a stand against this bullshit. Look, if you truly care about this lethal use of force which in my opinion is just as bad as Water boarding, you can join us in the AfroSpear in making a difference. You can click the link bellow and sign the petition asking the Congressional Black Caucus to step up to the plate. Yes, its time that our elected officials at the federal level do something about this, and do it quick before a child has to die. Its bad enough that this year alone so far 16 people have died as a result of being tasered. Yes, 16 people, and it's only the end of the first quarter of the year.
Look, I don't even want to get into this and make it a racial issue when its obvious that Black men are disproportionately accosted by the police. Nope, I don't wanna do that. However, I would say that Oscar Grant may have been alive today had that police officer in Oakland had not been reaching for his taser as he claimed he was. I'll let you think about that one for a while. Sign the petition, copy the link, and pass it on to your friends and family. I don't care, get involved, do something, hell, blog about it if you have to. This brutality has to stop, and somebody has to care even if certain people don't.
CLICK HERE AND SIGN THE PETITION
Visit the blog Electronic Village and African American Political Pundit for more info.
Before I go on lemme be clear: I've never given blood in my life, and this is not an attempt to get you to do it or speak out against it. Ok? So anyway, I've never given blood in my life before. Come to think of it, I don't even know my blood type. That's sad ain't it? I'm a grown ass man who's been admitted to the hospital on more than one occasion, and hell even had surgery but I don't know my own freakin blood type?!! That right there I think should be a prerequisite for donating blood. I mean, what if my blood type is the rare kind? I mean if it were, shouldn't it mean I get compensated properly? Shit, if my shit is rare I should definitely be compensated more than the standard $20 or $40, right?
But see therein lies the problem. The blood banks have been running low for quite some time now. You always hear the Red Cross come out saying that they're running low. Well, maybe if they paid people more they'd have all the blood they need. Chances are they'd be turning people away, right? Probably not. I say that because I'm sure with as many unemployed people as we have today, many of them are donating blood just for weekly gas money. Trust me, I know a few people who are doing that right now. Matter of fact, I could remember a couple dudes who worked for me in the past who gave blood twice a week just to have extra money when the economy was great. I never understood why because they were living at home with their parents and they made pretty good money. Later I found out that they were stoners who stayed high all the time. I kinda thought that just from looking at them, but you know me, I don't stereotype people like that.
Having to donate blood because you're broke, is, and has to be a very depressing thing especially when you're unemployed. Just the thought of standing in line has to make you feel like a hooker in the back alley putting random penises in the mouth for $20. Yup, it has to be that low of a feeling. But it doesn't have to be that way. You know why? Because they can do a two for one deal. That's right, they can make it a double feature. They should incorporate sperm donation at all blood donation centers, or regular banks for that matter. Sure you might feel depressed having to give blood for money just to eat. But I'm sure getting paid to jerk off cancels that out.
I don't know about any of the men reading this, but when was the last time you got paid to have an orgasm? Probably never? Exactly! Hell I'm pretty sure a few of you have paid another person (i.e. the back alley random penis in mouth inserter) to have one. See what I mean? Thats the reason they need to do this quickly. Not only would it save lives, and there'll never be a blood shortage, it would also stimulate the economy among other things. There will be a surplus of sperm for all the women in this country who would like to have 14 kids through invetro without having a husband like that part woman part meerkat out in California a couple months ago.
Yeah sucks to be her right? Single mom with 14 kids and no husband? But look at it this way: The sperm donors won't have to worry about child support, and they can be proud to be called sperm donors other then being referenced as such for being dead beat dads. All in all, there's nothing like having money in your pocket after having a happy ending; well, that's unless you wake up after a night of promiscuous drunken sex to find that your wallet is stolen. Trust me, that's never happened to me before, but I've heard or know of a few guys to whom this has once been a problem.
I mean, I've read where women are now having to resort to stripping for an income in this fucked up economy. That said, why not g'head and make all banks like the spot for one stop shopping? That's right, we should be able to go to the bank, donate blood, cash checks, deposit money, and swipe a dollar or two in the crack of some woman's ass - or man if you swing that way - surely, this would have everybody happy, no? I mean seriously, if somebody thought of this before now, there would be no need for bailouts or even the purchase of toxic assets.
P.S. Here are a couple posts you should visit for a good laugh:
Black Folks Don't Swim! - Negroes Get on my Gawt D@mned Nerves!
Witches' Brew - Manic Masturbation and the Single Black Male
Three Ways to Take It - A Seattle PSA: Please Trim Your Hedges
Should you visit, do leave a comment and be sure to let them know that RiPPa sent you.
Have a good weekend folks.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
It has been reported that the Obama administration plans to tackle this issue in the upcoming month of May. Just in time for the upcoming discussions, comes a report released by the Pew Hispanic Center showing that the number of undocumented immigrants are actually flat-lining after a 16-year surge between 1990 and 2006. Yes folks, according to the report, the numbers have declined drastically.
The 2008 report, released on April 14, estimates that there were 11.9 million undocumented immigrants living in the United States, down from 12.4 million in 2007. And among undocumented immigrants, 8.3 million of them (69 percent) were in the work force as of last March. - SOURCESo what brought about the drastic change? Some may credit the aggressive actions of ICE, but that’s debatable. As a matter of fact, many undocumented workers picked up in raids or arrested for other crimes, are often left to languish indefinitely in immigration detention centers across the country. Some may say this decline may be due to the failing economy, which might be partially true. It has been reported that many undocumented workers are leaving the country to return to their homelands as employment has all but dried up.
So how do you feel about the current state of our supposed , immigration problem? Well, some may say that it is indeed a problem and presents a drain on the economy, jobs etc., while adding to an increase in crime. My guess is, you’d believe what you want to believe which is something we must be careful of as there have been many campaigns filled with much misinformation. I won’t get into that right now, as I prefer to deal with what you think in your commentary.
Something I found to be quite interesting which indicates just how broken the system is currently, is that there have been American citizens who have been deported. Citizens deported?! Yes, American citizens have been deported on many occasions. Ironically, the accidentally deported citizens were for the most part of Hispanic descent. Just proving how once again how the practice of racial profiling is often a flawed error in judgment.
The gentleman pictured above is Pedro Guzman. Pedro, a gentleman of obvious Hispanic descent happens to be mentally ill, and unable to read and write. After being arrested some time ago, he was asked if he wanted to go home. Naturally, since jail isn’t the comfortable place like home, Pedro said yes. After which, he signed documents to help speed up the process of going home. Unfortunately for him, it was assumed that he was an “illegal immigrant”, and the home they were asking about was Mexico.
The nonprofit Vera Institute for Justice found 322 people with citizenship claims in 13 immigration prisons in 2007, up from 129 the year before. That number does not include possible citizens in the nation's more than 300 other immigration prisons. - SOURCE
Sadly, Pedro, a Hispanic male who was born and raised in this country, was deported, and was separated, practically lost in a country he knew nothing about for three months. You can read the story of his ordeal as well as others if you don't believe anything I say. However, whether you do or not, you must understand that he’s not the only victim to be mistaken for an illegal immigrant. According to reports, there are at least 55 cases to this date where citizens have already settled with the gov’t on lawsuits, or are in the middle of litigation.
Yes, it’s quite obvious that the system is broken. If citizens can be “accidentally deported”, the system is indeed broken and needs to be fixed. I don’t know what your take may be on immigration reform, but I sure would like to hear what you think, as well as your suggestions on what needs to be done. Currently Pedro’s mother is in litigation with the gov’t pending restitution for their mistake. The upcoming immigration debates will be interesting, but sadly, stories like that of Pedro, and other American citizens will be overlooked. One only has to wonder if this would be the case if this were happening to White American citizens.
QUESTION:What are your thoughts on the "immigration problem" and what do you think should be done?
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Now my wife and I, you see, when we were dating, before we were married, she and I had this "no holds barred" clause when it comes to sex and our sexual relationship. We were pretty open and honest with each other as to our sexual likes and dislikes, but somehow the peeing thing never came up. Nope, that discussion has not come up until now. I suppose that this is reserved for married people. However, if I’m wrong, feel free to let me know in your commentary. Now this doesn't mean that my wife isn’t the down for whatever type, nor am I.
You see, our special clause in our relationship basically states that neither one of us should feel ashamed or afraid to ask the other about fulfilling a fantasy. This type of thing is important in my book. Having been married before now for 10yrs, there's only so much diving off the headboard face first into the coochie one can do to add that excitement. But even in knowing my limitations, I have yet to do something purely crazy. Am I going to tell you folks some of the shit we've done? Hell no fucker, that's none of your business. That's between me, my wife, and the video camera. What the hell do I look like telling you people my sexual activities and shit like that?
[Stares around nervously]
As I looked at the pic above, I wondered to myself, "Why is this dude so happy?" I mean, is he happy because the woman with him is fine as hell? Which is a plus for him because he looks like Lionel Richie's daddy with Alexander O'Neal sweaty forehead? Surely any man who looks like dude in the pic would be happy to be with a woman that fine, right? So maybe that's why he's cheesing the way he is in the pic. But then I realized...this fool has this woman on a damn leash! No joke, when I first saw this pic I totally missed that. I mean, with a woman that fine, I guess it’s easy to see how him in that ugly suit could be a little insecure. I guess that would explain the need to keep her close. Out in public? On the end of a leash?
I mean I know some people do that type of thing in the privacy of their own home. Yes, I know this. It's something I doubt will ever give me erections, but I know for some, it's their thing. But why in the hell would one do this in public? Could it be that this is the reason dude is smiling like he is? Could it be that it’s been his longtime fantasy to have a woman on a leash or chain as he walked into the club in pimp-like attire? Does this make him "the man" among his friends? Beyond all of that, what or where the fuck do you have to be mentally to allow a man to put a leash on you and strut you around in public like you're at a dog show? I know this may be a fantasy for some, but let’s be real: would you really act out on some shit like this?
Now, for all I know, the whole leash thing may be cool with my wife. That said, I don't think she would ever let me walk out in public with her hanging on a leash in tow. She may even find this empowering sexually, but even still, I seriously doubt whether she would love to walk around with my fat ass on a leash in public. That type of thing doesn't look good at a Walmart. It being a family type atmosphere, having to explain to the kids in the environment would be awkward.
So, now I know that I cannot pee on my wife I'm cool. I mean, being married and fully committed to my wife, I don’t think any other further acts of submission is needed to prove my undying love. However, I can’t help but to think, or wonder if women would be as anxious to be married to their Knight in shining armor, if the traditional ring were replaced with a leash and chain. Now that I think of it, maybe if that were the case, more men would be willing to be married, and there’d be less single baby mommas running around these days. Yup, screw the ring, Beyonce should have made a song convincing women to wear chains instead.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
So why is this brother smiling unlike Americans of African descent who are often subjected to the now infamous perp-walk? I mean some people as I've seen all over the Internet are suggesting that his smile was one of arrogance. You know, as if he didn't give a fuck about what he "allegedly" did. Some people even have jokes about it and likened him to Eddie Murphy in the movie Coming to America. I am not going to lie, that shit was going around Twitter and made me laugh this morning. One person said he was smiling because he knew he was going to move to Queens New York, get a job at McDonald's and meet a fine sister and live happily ever after. Him being 16yrs old, hopefully James Earl Jones shows up only to rescue him from the terrible evil empire that is America. Yes, and lets hope he shows up dressed like the King of Zamunda and not Darth Vader. Either that or he gets proper representation at his trial.
Yup, even I laughed at the thought. After which, I couldn't help but to think of the enjoyment so many are getting from seeing the image of this guy coming to this country in shackles. I mean, all he did was hang out with the wrong crowd, right? Just like any impressionable 16yr old teenager who is easily influenced in this "get money" society, he went along with some guys intent on getting paid, right? So why should he be any different? Of course you know me, all I saw was just another Black man chains who in this case was a victim of circumstances. Let’s be honest, Somalia isn't quite the vacation spot like San Trope, now is it?
That said, yeah, maybe time in jail for now, though separated from his family may be almost like a night at the Ritz Carlton considering the current state of Somalia. Maybe that's why it is easy for his smile to be questioned, and maybe that's the tragicomedy of it all. However, maybe things would be different, or we may view him and his smile differently, had he swindled, oh say a few folks out of $50 billion and allowed to stay in a Manhattan penthouse pending trial. I can't help but to think that we're so used to this perp-walk that it makes it so easy for us to pass judgment just based on a smile. Oh well, in the end, I guess we've gotten used to seeing Black men go to prison, or paraded on television as criminals that it really doesn't matter where he lived, what or why he did what he did.
Welcome to America my brother.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Ok, lemme ask you something: have you ever seen or met a poor Black republican? Yeah, have you ever met a Black person or minority who would be considered a part of the working poor or underclass identify themselves as a conservative or republican? Seriously, I'd like you to think about that and answer in your commentary. The reason I'm asking, is that I just wanted to be sure that I wasn't trippin on Black conservatives. I mean, I'm not saying that to be a democrat, you have to be broke, poor, or living in the projects; it would be foolish of me to think or suggest something like that, right? However, I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't buggin when I say that the Black republicans I see are often people who are well to do who seek to separate themselves from the rest of the Negro collective.
Of course they're all not well to do, but I can't help but to think that by affiliation, they seek to use the Republican Party to get a leg up on the rest of the Negro collective. I'm just sayin, I've never seen a Black person talk shit about welfare, and other social programs and refer to people who use those services as parasites. Now a White person identifying as republican, I understand their ideological way of thinking; White privilege affords you the ability to say those things. However, Black people saying something like that? Especially when disproportionately there are more Blacks and minorities in poverty or are relatively disadvantaged economically and otherwise?!!! To me, I'm sorry, but that's some bullshit if you ask me. I think its bullshit especially when being Black you're used as a pawn or an example of an exceptional Negro all in an attempt to further the "us against them" ideologues of the republican party.
Like this woman for example:
Parasitic society huh? Not all of us are hypnotized? Did you hear what she said? I mean, she is right in saying that one president would not change your circumstances. However, given the current state of the economy, I'm sorry, but I'm glad that I have a president the likes of Barack Obama to attempt to steer us out of this mess. I mean lets be real, if Bush were able to have a third term, would there be all this protesting? Oh well, since my White buddies find it convenient to remind me that Obama is half Black, I guess I won't be wrong in saying that it was her White side that had her talking like that, but I digress.
Last week I ran into a friend of mine that I met at a job back in the early 90's; actually, I hired him. I haven't seen him in about 12yrs. He was a pretty cool brother, intelligent, and always had a way with the ladies. Unfortunately for the sisters, he was the talk of the town for all the White girls. In other words, as attractive as he was, he dated nothing but White women. I suspect having grown up in a small town and attending a private catholic school where you're a star athlete had something to do with that. I guess in those circumstances its easy to become the exceptional Negro.
While checking out his profile on Facebook, I noticed where he listed his political affiliation as republican. It struck me, because knowing the guy that I knew him as, he never really gave two shits about politics, or at least never expressed an interest. Instinctively, as I gave thought to some of the stuff I knew about him personally, I chalked it up to the fact that he chooses to identify with pretty much nothing but Anglo Saxon American culture. Yes, my man can be pretty much termed the resident token. I have yet to speak with him, but I can't help but wonder how did he go from being what some would term a "thug" to a republican. Oh, and when I say "thug", this is just how he was often described by White folks who he thought were friends of his; nope, I never saw him in that light.
So now, per the sign held by the brother in the picture above there is a new organization in town, and it's called the BPABO (Blacks People against Barack Obama). I can't help but to think that this group is comprised of misguided Negroes who are easily influenced; Black people who are they themselves victims of the further polarization of cultures as done by the good folks on the right wing of the political landscape.
Oh well, maybe I'm wrong, and maybe a Black conservative may read this and prove me otherwise, and explain why they choose to be or identify politically with the Republican Party. I don't know about you, but since race is a social construct that has not been too kind to people of color, the last thing I'd want to be is a card carrying member of the party of Lincoln. Well, that's unless I ever get abducted by Republican little alien green men and get whisked away to another planet or something. Oh, just for the record, just in case you're wondering, I'm not a democrat nor an independent. I'm just a Black man who loves pointing out the hypocrisy of everything I see.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
I say this because according to a recent report by the Department of Defense about a month ago, 71% of women serving in the military are sexually assaulted. It was also concluded that 90% of the assaults are often not reported. Now, as a father of three girls, why should I encourage them to pursue their patriotism and love of country. Why encourage them to serve alongside men who are sworn to uphold the constitution, against all enemies foreign and domestic, when there's a serious chance that my daughter can be a victim of a sexual assault. Now I don't know what are the odds of my daughters being raped as they walk the streets every day may be, but that 71% number for the military is just a little bit scary.
This explains some of the mystery surrounding the LaVena Johnson case. If you don't know much about the case you can visit www.lavenajohnson.com to find out more. For the sake of brevity, I'll just say that she was a 20yr old Black woman in the military who only after 8 weeks in Iraq died. Her death was ruled a suicide, but oddly enough, when her body was flown home, it was discovered that she had bruises all over her body, her nose was broken, teeth were loose, and her vaginal region had all the savage markings of a sexual assault. Oh yeah, it was also discovered that the self inflicted bullet wound on her head was not consistent with that of a suicide. Oh and did I mention the presence of a lye type substance leaking from her vagina which made it impossible for any DNA to be obtained? Yes, all of this was discovered once her body was returned to the states by her family.
Now you might say I'm just biased because LaVena was Black. Well, as I said before, I have three daughters, and they too may turn out to be honor role students who decide to bypass college and exhibit their patriotism and love of country just like LaVena did. But this isn't about LaVena, because hey, like I said before, per the report, 71% of women enlisted are sexually assaulted, and 30% are raped while serving. So, that would imply that therein itself, there's a problem. However, you don't have to take my word for it, but you can click right here, and read it for yourself. The article actually contains the accounts of a few women who were sexually assaulted while serving their country.
So yeah, this is why I think women should not be allowed in the military. This is something that is not often heard of, and gets swept up under the rug. I just think it's despicable that a woman can give the highest of sacrifices for her country, and in doing so, not only does she have to worry about possibly dying for her country, she has to worry about some asshole who calls himself a man violating her sexually. So you see, the problem isn't women. Much like our society, its a problem of male domination with no value or regard or very little respect for women.
If you're interested in the LaVena Johnson case, and are willing to help by signing a petition so as to urge a congressional committee investigation, you can do so by visiting her site as provided above. You can also take the time to see an interview below with her parents and their struggle in finding the truth of what happened to their daughter. If you're an American who loves this country, it's the least you can do. After all, in Iraq, a woman in the military is more likely to be raped by her fellow soldiers than die from enemy fire. Yes, and especially since this stuff occurs as they fight the good fight to bring freedom from oppression to the rest of the world.
SUGGESTED READING:The Shame of the Military by daddyBstrong
Remember those commercials that were popular where some sympathetic White celebrity would bring you to tears as they spoke of starving kids in Africa? Remember those? You know, the ones that your parents would always remind you of when you decided to not finish your food and dump it in the trash? Yeah, well it seems that now conservative talk show host Glen Beck has gotten tired of scaring the shit out of people and catching the heat for it. Yes, it would appear that he's now conveniently pandering to a new class of the victimized in America. Yes, and since conservatives have long been supportive of gov't social policies, I'm guessing he took the time to remind his fellow Conservative brethren as to what's going on in our country.
As I watched the piece above and saw the beer can laying in the grass in the "hood". I was fearful that the next scene we were going to see were Negro children with flies on their faces with their stomachs poking out. Yes, that's what I thought, and I'll be honest, I was afraid that's just how bad it has become for Blacks in this country. At least I know that if it ever did, as if it hasn't already, we have Glen Beck to support us in the struggle.
In another America - sorry, this is a new post racial America - Beck and the rest of his ilk would be discussing this woman as the "Welfare Queen" of the month. But thankfully, the theme of change has brought some compassion to people like Mr. Beck. However, even in his poor attempt, I think what was particularly insulting was to play the sympathy card for this woman while ignoring the bigger issue of what's wrong with the government ran public school system in our country. What about the hundreds of thousands who are behind due to a failing public education system, which in my opinion needs reform? Why even suggest that there is no money in the stimulus for school vouchers when it is the public school system which is in ruin? Why bitch about the stimulus when concessions were made for republicans in the senate where education spending was cut?
This just shows that the
right wing extremists, oops, I mean good Americans, are running out of issues to rally around. I hate to say this, but we're one terrorist attack (and not necessarily from foreign combatants) away from them even giving a damn about this woman and her family. The funny thing about this, is that it is the conservatives who have always pushed the idea of folks pulling themselves up by their very own bootstraps while catering to the idea of privatization, and the free market. If you don't have any boots, that's just too bad for you. That has always been their cry. Damn right, why depend on the gov't for anything when you should be doing it yourself. I don't know about you, but suddenly I feel a little bit confused. Not too long ago they were seeking legislation to drug test recipients of social services and unemployment, refusing stimulus money, but now they care about education to benefit children of poor hardworking single mothers?
QUESTION:What do you think of Glen Becks piece above?
Friday, April 17, 2009
My first "Top 5" was called "The Top 5 Celebrities I Can't Stand". I won't get into the list here and explain my displeasure with my selections, but for the purpose of this blog, I'll just say that Jamie Foxx, and Blair Underwood made the cut. I only brought those two of the five up because all the damn women on my list kept asking me why or what reason I would have to hate those two. They didn't care that I hated Soulja Boy, Rush Limbaugh, or Kanye West; nope they didn't. My guess is, those three people were just not sexy enough hence the WTF is wrong with you RiPPa? Well, in spite of me being married, I've never had sexual fantasies of sleeping with another man, so no, sexuality or attraction never played a part in me picking these people, especially Jamie Fox, and Blair Underwood.
Jamie Foxx gets on my nerves, and I cannot stand the dude. C'mon, don't act like I'm the only one who has at least 5
You know why, because specialization is the key. Not for Jamie, his multi-talent or what we see as such, in my opinion, just feeds his addiction otherwise known as attention whorism. Well he's gettin his money RiPPa, so why you hatin? Will Smith is multi talented, but do we see him and DJ Jazzy Jeff still kickin it on tour? Hell no! Will Smith figured out that rap shit was NOT where the money was, and he has focused solely on acting, and perfecting his craft, which now has resulted in him being one of the highest paid actors in the world. Does he have an Oscar like Jamie? No he doesn't, but has Jamie has pimped his Oscar in hopes of becoming Will Smith? Yes he has, and obviously it hasn't worked, hence the reason he's all over the place.
So now Jamie came out in an interview and said something completely foolish about Miley Cyrus of Hannah Montana fame. If I'm not mistaken, jokingly he suggested that she "make a sex tape and grow up," do heroin, smoke crack and catch a sexually transmitted disease from a bicycle seat. Umm, Jamie, that was not funny. Nope, and I ain't laughin nigga. I mean, how would he like it if someone suggested that his beloved daughter whom he proudly took to the Oscars with him do a sex tape, and grow up already. He wouldn't like it one bit, but because he's Jamie Foxx - in his bigass I used to wear a Jheri Curl head - everybody loves me, he never gave any thought to what he said. Yup, and now he has since apologized ; which actually sounded more like a plug for his own radio show. Fuck you and your apology Jamie. If I were Miley Cyrus that's what I'd think, as her dad already does. But I sincerely doubt she's checking for his Black ass as are many of her fans, or White people in general.
I'm telling y'all, that Oscar has gone to his fuckin head. It's like he won that award and has lost his rabbit ass mind. There haven't been many Black people to have ever won an Oscar, and you'd think he would humble himself and take that into consideration and think before he speaks. Not too long ago he was on another radio station talking shit about fellow actor Terrence Howard. Forrest "Bumpy Neck" Whitaker won an Oscar, and we don't see him running around like that. He's not running around full of himself running off at the mouth. Instead, he probably continues to work on his craft which makes him one of the best Black actors of our era. But nawww, not Jamie Foxx, he wants to be all over the place promoting himself when he really and truly should not have to, were he a great talent. I guess when you still have images of the ugly Jheri Curl wearing Negro surfacing on the internet, self promotion may not be a bad idea. However, talking about Miley Cyrus the way he did doesn't help what so ever unless you're content to forever be known as Wanda from "In Living Color".
I just think it's funny how Black people can be up in arms over Don Imus and what he said on the radio but not Jamie Foxx. Double standard perhaps? Of course it is, and its sad that some people are blind to this and fail to hold one of our own accountable. Oh well, this is just another reason as to why I can't stand Jamie Foxx. As for Blair Underwood? I just hate him because unlike Jamie, he's a pretty boy who has been allowed to stick around as long as he has because of it. When is Yaphet Kotto gonna get his props and shine. Hell, we ain't seen that brother since he was in The Running Man. And you wanna know why? Because we have Jamie Foxx in the way. I say we boycott Jamie Foxx, send his ass back to Texas, and hope they do secede from the Union.
QUESTION:Who are the calebrities that you just cannot stand?