Do Christians have Oral or Anal Sex?

So in Washington DC yesterday they voted and approved gay marriages; way to go DC not giving in to the pressure from the black church! But ironically on the very same day world renowned Televangelist minister Oral Roberts dies at the age of 91. Not trying to be a conspiracy theorist or anything, but is God trying to tell us something here? I mean is this his way of promoting "Oral" sex? I'm sure the kids at Oral Roberts University would like to know as well be cause the fate of them becoming a noted party school in America rests on this information. Yeah I know that wasn't funny but I had to go there... sue me.

But since I'm already there I have to ask this next question. Since God doesn't like homosexuality of any kind per the religious fundies among us, does he get pissed off when hetero-minded people engage in oral or anal sex? By chance was that rule on that piece of rock Moses accidentally dropped and broke? I mean I'd like to know because the last thing I'd like to happen is to be standing at the pearly gates and getting turned away by the bouncer because, well, you get my drift. I mean the Christian Porn genre hasn't actually taken off just yet as I think it should so I'm curious.

And one last thing: am I wrong every time I hear the term "pearly gates" and the image of my wife's vagina comes to mind? I mean that's my version of heaven and I'm having a hard time coming to terms with the idea of other people lining up to get through those gates. So can one of you bible thumpers clue me in on some of this stuff in my head today? Inquiring and horny minds would love to know, and hopefully one of you can help me out here because that whole Missionary Position thing is hella old and I think having to pray before sex would be a major downer.

QUESTION: Would you be comfortable with your partner wanting to pray before sex?

Who said George Bush don't like Black people!

You know I get sick of you people crying about racism as it applies to Barack Obama. Bill Clinton was the first Black president, but did y'all cry about racism then? No you didn't; and even he (Bill Clinton) came out recently and said that all these protests were not racist. Yeah, Jimmy Carter is just an old man from the south stuck in the time period of his youth as are all Black people who are still stuck on slavery. But anyway, while you people dwell on the trivial and insignificant elements of our culture. Allow me to take a moment to praise our former president George W. Bush. The last thing I'd like to see happen is for you people to have him go down in history as a racist man as y'all have erroneously done to the great Abraham Lincoln.

There's a new book on shelves, Speechless: Tales of a White House Survivor, written by Matt Latimer, a former Bush administration employee. In it he describes a 2008 California GOP fundraiser he attended while he worked at the White House. The president gave a speech to his donors which described his fight with alcoholism as only he has lived it. Check out the following excerpt from page 177 of the book as it describes just how Bush reached out to give hope to a few bad apples as he visited a prison ministry program. It must be noted that Mr. Bush is really big on those faith based initiatives, hence him taking time out of his busy schedule to do God's work such as invading Iraq, but that's another post:

He talked about his own failings with alcoholism as the reason he supported his faith-based initiative. “My philosophy is, find somebody who hurts and do something about it,” he said. “Don’t wait for government to tell you what to do.” He bluntly talked about his own situation. “I was beginning to love alcohol over my wife and kids. It got to a point when Billy Graham came into my life. But I was hardheaded and didn’t want to listen for a while. And then I stopped drinking overnight. I am a one-man faith-based initiative. Alcohol was competing for my affections. And it would have ruined me.”

He said things that could ruffle feathers, such as how he’d recently gone to a faith-based program run by “former drunks.” He said he went to see a prison ministry program, noting that ‘everyone was black, of course.” All eyes turned in search of the sole African American in the audience of donors. They wanted to see if he was offended.

Of course the author, Matt Latimer went on to add that the African-American man didn't “appear to be” offended at all. As a matter of fact, he went on to defend Mr. Bush's statement by saying “[He] didn’t mean it in a derogatory way. He just liked making blunt observations to shock his audience.” Now see, if only we could get you people to all start thinking like this Black man (who's probably a devout Republican Christian) things would be right with America.

It's obvious that you people are unappreciative of George Bush’s pedigree. Uh huh, I've heard that some of you people are still upset because of what Barbara Bush said about those poor evacuees’ refugees after Hurricane Katrina “who were underprivileged anyway.” Sure some of you may think that a turd doesn't fall too far from the ass crack, but, I think you people who think that are just being racist as always. If George Bush didn't like God or Black people, would he have taken the time to visit all those irresponsible Black drunken addicts in prison?

"I'M WAITING ON THE LORD TO SEND ME A GOOD MAN..."

Yesterday I was just talking to my very good friend (fŭng'kē) [blak] [chik] on the phone about her dating escapades in the DC/Maryland/Virginia metro area. That woman had me rolling on the floor because of some of the shit she was saying about the men up there. Seriously, you foklks should read this blog in particular that she wrote the other day: A Midget In A Micro-Mini

I've always told her she was picky when it comes to men. To which she said that she most definitely was. After which I told her that I knew she was bourgeois; her and I have an ongoing joke about her uppity ways. But its not just her, as a matter of fact, I pretty much stereotype all DC/VA/MA as being bourgeois anyway. I know some of you reading this are from that area, and like my friend would say that the men up there are a trip. But are they really?

Now I could be wrong, and please tell me if I am. But I believe that women, Black women in particular, have a tendency to become very picky as they move up the socio-economic ladder. Am I right? Of course I am; RiPPa is never wrong (LOL). And in becoming the uppity bourgeois bitch [insert giggle here] they tend to limit themselves when it comes to dating. And usually when they do, they've become so much that they look for every detail to discredit the dude who comes a calling.

My girl was tellin me how she went to a club with a dude she met recently, only to notice he was wearing a hearing aid while they were on the dance floor. I laughed. Something about a deaf person dancing at a club made me laugh. Yeah I know, I'm twisted like that, and its sad. But I laughed even harder at the image she created in my head in describing dude dry humping her leg trynna get some at the crib after wards. I could only picture her face as she kept looking at the hearing aid.

But this blog isn't about my friend, its about women in general. Like I stated before, I think a lot of successful women are single because they're looking for, or waiting on the lord to send them a good man. Well, what exactly is a real man, or a good man? And why are you waiting on the lord to send you one? I mean, obviously since I'm not a spiritual or religious person, I had no idea that God was the one who ran Eharmony.com. I never knew God was in the matchmaking business. Sure he created the heaven and earth, so why should I think any different. But to say that you're waiting on him to send you a good man would imply that he has sent you bad men in the past, no?

I mean, surely your choice of man, or your character had nothing to do with the men you've attracted. Yup, you played the hand that God dealt you, and dealt with that no good dude. Its all God's fault. God made that imperfect or fake man as well did he not? Yes he did. So wouldn't that imply then that God himself is flawed and imperfect? I mean after all, he's the one sending out men and women right? I mean, isn't he the one responsible for the men that comes into your lives? And having said that, isn't that the reason some of you continue to fuck with no good guys until the good one comes along. You know, kinda like the lady looking bored in the pic above?

So in closing I'll ask again: What is a real man? What makes a man real and not fake, and hence a good man? Is there some extra chromosome that I don't know about that genetically impacts said man rating? And if God is the one responsible for these men walking the earth, and he made us all in his image, wouldn't that mean that God is fucked up too?

DO NIGGERS GO TO HEAVEN?

Finally being told that Santa Clause or the Easter Bunny aren't real has to be devastating to a kid. But what's a kid to do? For years, they've believed in these characters. For years, their behavior has been influenced by the very idea that these characters are real. So finding out otherwise can affect people differently. Even in dissapointment, some of them accept it and live their lives, grow old as if nothing happened. But some of them are defiant.

"How dare you say that Santa is not real?!!"

"Are you fuckin kidding me!?!?!"

"You're a really bad person for saying that!!!!"

These people hold onto the idea that Santa and the Easter Bunny are real. As they grow older they preserve this ideology, and they even pass it on to their kids. And thats why we have kids today who still believe in Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny. Fortunately for us, people like this are not violent or hateful in their defiance of reality. I wish the same were true for racists who spit hate conveniently packaged as "white pride". You see, racist people today are just like the kids I described above. They hold on to the ideology that they're superior, and they were meant to dominate the world. They act this way because they have to protect the lie.

"Huh? What lie RiPPa? Da fuck are you talking about? White people are superior! Muthafucka they created civilization as we know it today! We owe everything to white people! If it wasn't for them, your black ass wouldn't even know how to speak english or use a microwave! Hell, the white man saved your black ass, but you're just too stupid to see it! Either that or ungratefull...ya fat fuck! "

Yup, thats pretty much how most people think, but if only they knew the truth. Unlike some racist black people who spit that "white people lived in caves" bullshit, I'll tell you differently. You see, western civilization as we know it today has been credited to the Greeks. From language, culture, philosophy, medicine and pretty much everything else we know today was because of some greek scholars. Yup, a bunch of famous fat white dudes are who we have to thank for what we know today. If it wasn't for Plato, Socrates, Aristotle and the rest of those dudes I don't know how this world would be. Or so they'd like you to think. You see, most of what those dudes knew, they studied it in a place called Egypt. You probably heard of the place...sand, pyramids, King Tut, Nefertiti, mummies, afro picks, watermelon...yeah that place, Egypt.

Well Egypt my friend just happens to be in Africa, and the indigenous people were in fact black. These people were already advanced in alotta different things. And it so happened that the Greek cats came thru and they soaked up madd game from the Egyptian scholars. Matter of fact, aa few of the African dudes even migrated north to ancient Greece and even helped to build the Roman empire. But you see, history never shows that. You have to do your own research to find the truth. And even then, you probably are gonna be looked at like an idiot. Look people, everything we know or practice today had to start somewhere. And that somewhere is in Kemet (which is Egypt by the way). History as we know it has been plagarised, and re-written to make black people look inferior. Our history as its told has been deeply rooted in slavery and oppression for thousands of years. Thats what they would have you believe. And they do that because the truth would be devastating to many. To reveal the truth, and give credit where credit is due would undo so much which has been systematically designed.

Hell, even in the bible black people (the decendants of Ham) were cursed to be slaves. Yup, even in the bible there is racism. I wonder why a book used by a faith, based on love, would endorse such an ideology? Its because they have to continue to perpetuate the lie. And today we pray to God in hopes to get to heaven so we can live forever. I'm sorry but, aren't the same racists people gonna be in heaven as well? And if thats the case, heaven has to be bullshit. Because heaven is supposed to be a beautiful place where everyone is happy and they'll all get along. Yup, in heaven I'm not gonna be a nigger anymore, and I'll be singing praises next to the same people who lied and plagarized history. Yeah, and I'm supposed to trust that?!! Maybe I should! Fuck it! Santa Clause is real, the easter Bunny is real, the bible is the truth, black people were meant to be slaves, white people invented modern civilization, and I my friend, am a nigger, and I can't wait to get to heaven so I can be happy.

WHITE POWER!!!!

BE CAREFUL, JESUS IS WATCHING...