This is going to sound shallow, but it won't surprise the people out there who know me that I feverishly keep my snob game tighter than convent vagina. But there are some things in life that I simply believe transcend opinion and simply become fact, and anyone in the slightest opposition of that is either acting like a wiseacre contrarian or happened to born with a mild case of retardation due to being the offspring of forbidden sibling 'love'. You don't necessarily have to believe that Michael Jordan was the best basketball player ever to touch a leather ball, but his 'philandering, historical failure to ever take a stand on anything' ass better be in the discussion. Same thing with Walter Payton when it comes to running backs, I actually elbowed a guy in the face once just because he gave me a very indifferent sounding 'Ahh, he's alright' retort when talking about the great Stevie Wonder. That explains why 'High Fidelity' is one my favorite flicks, primarily because I subscribe to the philosophy in the movie that 'Its not what you're like, its what you like' - this is going to sound fucked up I know, but I can tell whether or not I'm going to get along with a person solely based on their tastes in music and movies.
But therein lies the rub, what's a chubby snob like myself to do when a woman I'm seeing, one who I feel is otherwise flawless - takes it upon herself to very cavalierly sully the good name of a man who I hold so near and dear to my heart? Let me explain. About a month ago, while ruining my liver amongst a slew of career alcoholics and women who look like they grew up next to nuclear reactors at my local watering hole - a very beautiful woman waked in, sat down, and sparked off a conversation with me on the strength of my ring-tone being Big Daddy Kane's 'Raw'. Immediately I knew she was a Hip Hop fan, 'check'. I asked what her nationality was and she said she was Portuguese, she was what I imagined the woman in Rakim's 'Mahogany' looked like, so 'check' like a motherfucker. Granted, she was younger than I would have liked, but I quickly counted on my fingers like a retard doing long division and figured out that she's been legally drinking for 6 years, not too bad.(Besides, I haven't been lustfully touched since the first episode of 'My Name is Earl' - I had to relax my usually stringent age requirements this time)
