DUCK BITCH!!

Just when you thought his approval ratings couldn't get any lower. George Bush has once again defied convention. As a matter of fact, today as I type this, his approval ratings are so low, that they've fell to shoe level. He has taken Lame Duckness to an all time low.

I don't know if you guys have seen, read or even heard. But the other day in a surprise visit to Baghdad, an irate Iraqi reporter threw some size 10 Stacy Adams at our beloved commander in chief. I guess thats what you get for a surprise visit. Maybe next time he would call ahead.

But hey, when you've thrown an entire country into turmoil, through military destruction, and lost of lives, all on a LIE, I don't think you can announce your visit ahead of time. He better be lucky he got a shoe tossed at his ass instead of an IED strategically placed at the podium. That would have been ugly. As much as I dislike this man, I'm happy to see a shoe tossed instead of a bomb or something like that.

My only wish was that the shoe thrower to be more accurate. Yup, I wish he had hit him in the face, but instead he missed. Though he intended to hit him, he was off target. I guess that's what you get for not throwing something heavy like steel toe boots or maybe some army issued Timberlands.

The thing that struck me as I watched the clip of this episode over and over as I rolled with fits of laughter, is that there was no secret service. Remember when Reagan got shot? There were like 400 secret servicemen around him at the time. Hell, one of them even took a bullet for the man. But George Bush? Depending on how you're looking at it, no such luck.

To me, it would seem that there would have been at least one brave white secret service dude (I'm sorry, but the brothas aren't that loyal) who would have dove in front of the shoe. If not that, he would have at least scooped up the president and whisked him away to safety. But yet, none of that happened. Instead, our Idiot In Chief was allowed to continue speaking. He even took this embarrassment and turned it into a comedy routine. I really would have liked to see what he would have had to say if that pissed off Iraqi decided to bare his ass and "moon" him on national TV.

Memo to the secret service: Umm, failure to do your job under the presidency of Barack Obama the likes of this shoe incident could possibly lead to loss of employment.

Its been reported that the Iraqi shoe assassin, had been recently arrested and tortured. See how that torture shit can come back to haunt you Mr. Bush? I'm also pretty sure that he wasn't too happy that his relatives had been killed as a result of the occupation either. For that, I guess our president can say that the surge worked. If it didn't, lord knows it wouldn't have been a shoe thrown. It could have been worse.

It may have been a rock. Those Iraqi's are known to be the shit when it comes to throwing rocks at tanks. I'm pretty sure as experienced as they are with the ethnic infighting, they wouldn't have missed. However, I'm glad that it was a shoe, and that Bush is alive today so that I can laugh at his ass. Its better to laugh at him after all of this instead of the country being thrust into mourning. Having to hear people talk about how GREAT he was would make me puke.

I gotta give him credit though, he has some quick reflexes. Did you see how fast he ducked, and avoided being hit? I could be wrong, but I think he picked up that "Matrix" move and added it to his repertoire after Hurricane Katrina, just in case one of those angry Negroes got brave. I don't know, but I know somebody needs to nominate that Iraqi reporter as Time Magazine Man of The Year. Just like my fat ass, I can't help but to think that somewhere in hell, there's a guy with a thick mustache, dressed in military style gear who is laughing his ass off right now.

A FEW GOOD MEN

I'm beginning to think that Iraq is like some good pussy: easy to run up in without protection, but hard as hell to pull out. And the thing that's been getting on my nerves is all the talk of THE SURGE, and how it worked. I swear, I hear so much about the surge that I now think its some big bad character on WWE Raw. You know, kinda like the new Mr. Badass on your cable network wrestling show on a Monday night? Think Booker T. Yeah, thats the surge, cuz he sure has been getting a push. I wish they would just stop it with all that talk about it, because at the end of the day, soldiers and innocent civillians are getting killed everyday. Hell, if they did it right after deciding to invade the place there would be no need for the surge. But don't tell that to the war mongering presidential candidate who I shall remain nameless.

But here in America, we have this false sense of competence when it comes to the military. We all have the confidence that the U.S. military can go anywhere in the world and kick ass. I mean who could really kick our asses right? We've been kickin asses and taking names for years right? Well, if you're a John Wayne/Audie Murphy fan you just might feel that way and I would understand why you'd feel that way. I mean after all, those films were based on some old Korean war pre-Vietnam bullshit. But I'm a kid who grew up in the 70's and 80's so I look at the shit differently.

Remember this dude...

Yeah thats Mr. T. He was a member of The A-Team. If you remember that show from the early 80's, they were a bunch of dudes who were fugitives from military justice. They basically were framed (or so they say) for some bullshit in Vietnam, and they escaped the military stockade and were living in Los Angeles. I used to love that show and I watched it every week when I was growing up. But now that I'm grown I could look back and say that the military was really wack. They couldn't even catch the fuckin A-Team! Four fuckin dudes riding around in a Black van in L.A. should not have been hard to catch. I mean this is L.A., even "Kane" got shot and killed in "Menace To Society"! But the military could never catch The A-Team or even fataly shoot one of those guys. I mean c'mon the cops caught Rodney King who was driving a Hyundai and beat his ass, but the military couldn't catch B.A. Barrackus? Whats the odds of putting Bin Laden in handcuffs? Are you with me so far? Oh ok, so you think I'm trippin huh?

Ok, here's another reason, remember this guy...

Yeah thats John Rambo. He too was a Vietnam vet. He was homeless or crazy pretty much like most of those dudes who came back from Vietnam. I don't know exactly where the fuck he was when this shit went down but all I know is he flipped out on some fat sheriff and went into the woods to hide. Well since the cops couldn't get him the military got involved. The military were the only ones who could understand him and calm him down. Sure they could, but they couldn't catch The A-Team. They eventually was able to convince him to go on covert missions and wreck shop in a couple of different conflicts overseas. And guess what? They brought him back again! Yeah Rambo came back last year. See, the military aint shit because they use people. I don't know if they ever thought of sending him to Iraq this time, but I think they should. He kicked ass here in America with 1 knife so I think he qualifies for Iraq. But since he's old, he can't do it by himself. Trust me when I say he'll need help.

I think between him, The A-Team, and this guy....

They'll be able to get it done. Now you're wondering...The Fresh Prince Of Bel Aire? No not that slacker. I'm talking about the dude who beat the Aliens in "Independence Day". I don't know what his name was, but I know he was black and he looked alot like Will Smith. You can't leave that guy out of this conflict. I mean he killed aliens and saved the world for crying out loud! Tom Cruise ran from the aliens like a bitch, and he's into scientology. Did Will Smith run? Hell no he didn't! Like many black men before him he did what he had to do in the face of grave danger and he saved the world. He fuckin won! Not the military...Will Smith! He single handedly saved the world!

The U.S. Marines have a slogan, "We're looking for a few good men", well by George I think I found them. If we put together these dudes there'll be less spending and casualties in the war in Iraq. And we'd be talking less about the damn surge. And once again, this is why I say the military aint shit! History has shown it but you people just weren't paying attention. Do you people realize how much money would have been saved? The gov't has spent over $600 billion dollars on the war effort to date. That money spent could have done so much more here in the country, but instead we depend on our military leaders to get it done in Iraq.

I guess nobody listened to Colonel Decker on this one