If you refer to the father of your kids as a SPERM DONOR, doesn't that reduce your vagina to being a PETRI DISH?

Before I get into this one, allow me to say Happy Father's Day to all the men involved in the lives of children whether biologically attached to them or not. Additionally, I’d like to extend some positive energy and remind all men that your kids need you. Now, with that out of the way, let’s talk about the title of this post. I've been involved in a discussion as I often am around the blogosphere and social network sites. This one started on Twitter between myself and a few women and has spilled over to Facebook. I decided to bring it forth here as well.

Personally, I'm sick of seeing and hearing all this negative talk on Father's Day. Every year I hear the cliché, "Happy Father's Day to all the REAL dads," or "Happy Father's Day to the men who take care of their kids." This is often I suppose an attack on dead beat dads. Realizing that this is indeed a reality that some women live with, I still question such proclamations. Are they truly intended to "big up" good fathers or to belittle dead beats?

I've written a post here sharing my thoughts on this as to why it's the case; you can click and read it if you like. But it would appear to me that the problem of deadbeat dads is a phenomenon exclusive to the Black community. In my discussion this morning it was pointed out that 70% of our kids are raised in single parent homes where the custodial parents for the most part are female. It was also said that this in itself was the source for many of our social ills in the Black community. But is it really so? Is this truly the problem?

I don't know about you, but to me this gives off a false impression of Black men. It's stereotypical if you will. It’s easy to quote that 70% statistic; but it’s irresponsible to not show proof [read this PDF] of recent studies. According to studies conducted by Boston College social psychologist Rebekah Levine Coley, “black fathers not living at home are more likely to keep in contact with their children than fathers of any other ethnic or racial group.”

So I have to ask you as I have the folks I've been engaged with: are absentee fathers the real problem? Or is it part of a larger problem within our society at large as it relates to Black men? Could it be just another well intentioned stigma designed to negatively stereotype Black men as being irresponsible without regard to scientific studies?

SUGGESTED READING: Black Fatherhood: Reconnecting with Our Legacy

Stop Being a Bitter Bitch and Call your Baby Daddy for Father's Day

This Sunday is Fathers Day, and some of you ladies with kids probably didn't even remember that. Some of you knew it, but still don't really care. For whatever reason you just don’t care that Father's Day is around the corner. Well guess what? I wanna talk to you for a minute. I'm assuming that you're single and you still have issues with the father of your kid(s). No, I'm not talking about the way he "treats" the kid(s); he might be the best dad in the world for all I know. I'm talking about the fact that YOU still have a problem with him. See where I'm going with this? Ok fuckit I'll say it: you are still not over him.

NEGRO PLEASE!

Yeah I know that's exactly what you were thinking. It’s ok, I expected you to be in denial. Sure did, even after all those years. So you say you've moved on, you've seen different guys. Hell, you may even be in a relationship right now! But I know it and you know it; you're still not over him. Ok, then why is it that when one of your girlfriends mentioned that she saw him the other day you had that nausea feeling in your stomach? That plus you shot your girlfriend that famous Neffie side-eye. See, didn't know I knew about that, right?

Yeah at the mention of his name you get the screwface. When your kid(s) start talking about him you tune them out. He calls the house to talk to the kid(s) and you treat him like he is a bill collector or a telemarketer calling for the 100th time. You do all these things and I'm here to say that its not healthy. What good is it doing you? Oh and if you think the kid(s) are oblivious to your feelings about him, you really need help.

Look, it's time for you to get over it; it's time to move on with your life. You are doing nothing but holding yourself back, literally. I mean hell, he's moved on. Just look at him in the pic above; he's happy!! Even though he's not with you anymore, he's happy. Ok yeah so his knees are still ashy, but he's so happy that he and his new girlfriend dress alike. Listen, don't front and act like they look stupid. You both did the same shit when you were together. And on top of that you wanna make shit worse by hatin' on the new girlfriend by calling her a fat bitch. Have you looked at yourself lately? Yeah, you used to be his fat bitch, remember?

Look lady, stop torturing yourself like that. Move on with your life, and be happy. Fuck it, call him and wish him a happy Fathers Day. That's a step in the right direction. Truth be told, Father's Day isn't about you; you do not have a penis, or a set of balls - or at least I hope you don't - so stop it with the "I'm mommy and daddy," talk, ok? After you call him you're gonna feel better about yourself. Your whole attitude is gonna change after that call. Hell you might even start dressing like his new girlfriend in the picture above. If you do, don't even think about trying to get him back.

He ain't shit, remember?