WHERE HAVE ALL THE WHITE GIRLS GONE?

Forgive me father, for I have sinned. Yes, I did watch BET this past weekend. It started somehow changing channels on New Years eve. I was sitting here bored just channel surfing, and for some reason the images of Black people made me stop. Well, actually, it was an image of a scantily clad Black woman that did it (I think she was Black).

Well, not just that, but since I don't have a clue as to what's hot musically, I figured it couldn't hurt watching them countdown the best the year 2008 had to offer. To be honest, I didn't even know they made music videos anymore. Hell, I thought that was a forgotten art since all they ever do is focus on ring tone friendly nursery rhyme driven hooks and melodies.

But anyway, before getting to see Keyshia Cole's dysfunctional family, the music videos made me think: Where have all the White Girls gone? Seriously, where have all the White girls gone? Ok, so I'm sure they're still around. But how come we don't see them anymore. Could it be that they're tired of falling in scary movies when the monster gives chase?

Could this be the reason we see more of them doing stuff like this...

So who's fault is it? Is it hip hop? Black women? Have all the White girls all of a sudden, for the love of attention from Black men resorted to the shit you just saw in the video above? How come they're all over BET these days? Used to be they would only be on there after hours in those 1(900) number phone bone commercials. Is it Black men who are to blame? Before you think I'm trippin, lemme tell you that there are videos like this all over the internet. Seriously, Google that shit! I mean I remember when White girls would all be in a circle together on the dance floor doing that one move they all know how to do. You know the move, right? Its not really a move its a dance; its called the White girl. Yeah, its how they all danced. Or so I used to think. Nowadays I just don't know anymore. I mean, do they still all go to the bathroom in a group?

No seriously, all jokes aside, I am amazed at just how all of a sudden flat booties are out of style. Damn right they are. Pancake booty has been replaced by the now famous tramp stamp, the standard booty clap, AND MO' JUNK THAN FRED SANFORD. Oh well, I guess the Chinese chicks are next. Might as well, hell they've been taking over the NBA since Yao Ming. But in all seriousness, it kinda makes you wonder why they used to laugh at Sarah Bartman back in the day. As a Black woman she was put on display in circuses as a sideshow act because she had a big butt. Talk about degradation, huh? Having to be in display all over the world as a freak because of genetics, had to be a tough pill to swallow for her.

But now here today, I see nothing but White girls on BET and elsewhere with much ass shakin that shit. Implants maybe? I don't know. But its a damn shame dark skinned women ain't in style anymore. If they were, I probably wouldn't be bitching or feel guilty about watching BET like I am today as I beg for forgiveness. After all, all I saw were White girls...oops, I mean light skinned women on that network. Which is cool because at least its not sisters being degraded, or degrading themselves. Come to think about it, wasn't that the reason BET decided to pull the late night show UNCUT from the air years ago?

WAY DOWN IN THE HOLE

Dammit Barack Obama, its all your fault. See what you did? Because of you, and your "luck" by becoming president, we have race cards being pulled all over the place. Yup, we have White people pulling the race card for us. Who would have ever thunk it? I mean, Black people do it all the time, but I never thought just like your presidency, that I'd ever live to see the day this would happen.

You see, if you didn't run for president, and kept your Black ass in the senate representing your state of Illinois, none of this would be happening. That's right, its your fault that there's a vacant seat to be filled right now. Even worse than that, its your fault that Governor Blogojevich tried to cash in on your success...oops, I meant luck. Take a look around Barack, there are people selling coins, and fine cutlery with your face on it. And lets not talk about the people making money off of your inauguration; just ask one time republican presidential candidate Fred Thompson. He's renting out his condo for the inauguration, so hey, why should the dude who looks like the Big Boy Burger kid be any different? Governors gotta eat too ya know!

And speaking if eating. Now you got a Black man hungry to eat some of that elusive senate seat power that you once possessed. There have only been like three Black senators since reconstruction, and this man is 71yrs old. Why else would he and others not see the beef with his appointment as racist. Me personally, I don't see it as such. Personally, I think they should block the move. Lets be honest, the guy who's trying to appoint him isn't the most upstanding citizen now is he. I mean, we have people who can't even get jobs because of a criminal record, but yet Big Boy is still able to appoint people to an office? Ok so he's not been convicted yet. But shit, I don't think I'd have unprotected sex with the crack whore I just picked up as I wait for the results of the AIDS test either.

But its really all your fault Barack. You made Black the new Black again, and everybody is trying to cash in on it. Damn right they are! Big Boy could have appointed a White guy, but after Jesse Jackson Jr was outted for being the snitch, he passed the buck. He tried to give it to another Black man. And said Black man and his buddies are so blinded that they can't even see how he's using them as pawns in the political game of checkers.

If I were them, I'd keep my mouth shut instead of making this out to be a racial issue. Which I think is rather funny since the state of Illinois is having special elections to replace Rahm Emmanuel in Congress, but yet these power hungry Black folk are playing the race card handed to them by a greasy palmed White guy with good hair. What can I say, those Jews sure got their shit together. If only us Black folks were a little different. But fuck it, since Barack talks so much about personal responsibility, I'm doing nothing but blaming him for all of this. After all, it was his ambition that created all of this. How damn selfish of him.

"You gotta keep the devil, down in the hole."- Tom Waits

CHANGE EATS CHICKEN

Well, here we are folks; January 2009. Its the year we've all been waiting for. For many, its the year we've been waiting for all our lives. Its a new year, and in this month, President Change gets to drop that hyphenated "elect" from his title. He will officially become the president. Amazing ain't it? I mean, amazing after looking back at his rise to prominence.

No, I'm not talking about the fact that he's Black. I'm amazed at the fact that he seems to be the same guy throughout the process. How cool is that? Its like he's a Jedi Master, and nothing can phase him. All he has to do is beam that now famous million dollar smile and its done. One look at his smile and just like a vampire, he has you in a trance. He went from not being Black enough versus Hillary Clinton, to too Black versus John McCain, and he still won.

Even after his win, like the Teflon Don, he brushed his shoulder of the dirt that said he wasn't American enough as his birth certificate was challenged. For some of us Black people, we're disappointed that he's not a "Black President", or the President of Black America. But we accept that. We made compromise, and offer the explanation that he wouldn't be where he was now if he were to run on that platform. Sadly, some of us don't get it, and realize that it took madd game to pull that off.

I mean seriously, how many of you drop the ebonics at the job interview? Are you, or would you consider yourself a sellout as a result? Hell naw! You realize that as James Brown said years ago, "Its a Man's World", and that "man" is White. Though we seek acceptance into "his world" we've come to understand compromise; compromise, and not selling ourselves short. This is one of the reasons I admire the diplomacy of President-Elect Change. Trust me, dude has game, and I think the campaign itself was just a perfect example of things to come.

As I look back at the past year, I must say that it was quite interesting. I don't care who you are, you couldn't sit by the sidelines and watch this one out because Mr. Change sucked us in. This is why I'm excited about this month and this New Year. Make no mistakes, I do not look towards this man with false expectations like some. For some, the change he spoke of meant the end of racism in our society completely. But not me; I'm realistic; hopeful but realistic. This is why I love the pic above. It shows that though things may change, you still can't lose who you are. No matter who you are, or how accomplished you might be, the issues concerning the Black community affects you too.

I'm not attending the inauguration, but I will be watching like the rest of the world on that day. This is gonna be one televised revolution that we've been waiting on for some time. I'd like to be there as much I did when the million man march went down. But this is different. This million man march is welcomed. Its a march that includes us all, and is not exclusive to Black men. For the majority this march is endorsed by hope for a brighter day as Americans. Not Black America, nor White America. But a brighter day as Americans the citizens of the world.

Happy New Year

IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS

This year for Christmas, our family decided to donate some toys to a needy family. I can't take credit for the idea, as it was all inspired by my wife. In her online activities, she came across a single parent family online here in Memphis who was in need. As a former single mom herself, she made the decision to donate toys to this woman and her 3 kids who are all girls.

As a family we spoke about it, and decided that since we're financially strapped like so many, we would donate the old toys of the kids. Now mind you, we donated old used toys, but please believe, the majority of them were like brand new. Some of them were hardly even used over the years. My wife met the lady, gave her the toys, and she was truly appreciative. She even sent us an email expressing her gratitude, as she said that she was unable to provide for her kids due to financial constraints. I must admit, it felt really good to do something as small as that for someone else. Hopefully God caught that act on surveillance tape.

Thinking of toys, and seeing commercials for toys this year, I couldn't help but to think of the impact these toys have on kids. They have so much of an impact that there's a rating system for appropriateness. And hell why not? Violent acts are often blamed on video games these days. I guess its just the sign of the times. Back in my day, as a kid, playing with those little green army men and the many cap guns didn't have a negative effect on me.

But then again, maybe its because I had responsible parents. Not saying that parents today or in recent years are irresponsible and not in tune with the type of toys they give to their kids. But if you're gonna blame toys for today's violent and insensitive society on video games, and toy guns, can't we blame today's problem with teenage pregnancies on little girls receiving baby dolls? Seriously, let me know in your comments your thoughts on this.

I don't have a son, but if I did, I'd be conscientious of the toys I gave him as I am with my daughters. Trust me, I took good care not to buy the pregnant teenage project Barbie years ago for my now teenage daughters. As a matter of fact, what they need to produce are doll babies that actually spit real puke on little girls. Sure they have fake ones, but nothing is as good as the real thing. I'm willing to bet (since I can't blame parenting...*wink*) that the trauma of having real puke on your face. Or even having to clean stinky baby doll poop, might be a deterrent for teenage pregnancies.

This is why next Christmas I'm gonna have a special charity in my heart. Thanks to my wife, I now have a new focus for the holidays. Starting next year, I'm gonna do my part and donate toys. I'm gonna concentrate my efforts on boys. Yup, I sure am. Matter of fact, I think I'll just start a foundation. Its gonna be called...

Toys For Jehovah Witness Tots.

What?!!!

Have you seen Michael Jackson lately?

He grew up in a Jehovah Witness household; a very strict one I might add. And look at how fucked up he turned out. I mean look at him. He looks like a cross between the Green Hornet and a Ninja Turtle. And you wanna know why? Because as a Jehovah Witness kid, he grew up in a household where they didn't celebrate Christmas. He played with mice for Christ sakes!

Sure he was/is a talented entertainer, but had he gotten toys for Christmas, he would have probably been a normal kid. Seriously, were he given baby dolls as a kid for Christmas, he probably would have never grown up to be an "alleged" molester of little boys. He may have been more like RuPaul if that had happened. But at least he would not have been hanging babies out of windows. The same thing could probably be said for kids raised in Jewish or Muslim homes, but they don't walk around looking lost like poor Mike.

I'm just sayin...

maybe it could help reduce the door knocking thing...

its the thought that counts.

QUESTION: Do you believe kids are impacted by the toys they receive? Are gender roles defined by the type of toys they receive as opposed to the effect of parenting?

WHEN YOU'RE WHITE, YOU'RE RIGHT?

Like most of you, I made it through Christmas unscathed. Though modest, this year in comparison to others, our family had a good time. It was my 1yr old's first actual Christmas and I learned one important lesson: 1yr olds don't give a shit about the gifts; its the wrapping paper that's important. Who knew?

Shit, just like switching to GEICO, I could've saved a lot of money, by just purchasing wrapping paper alone. I thought that was an important lesson learned. She taught me in just one day that its the simple stuff that matter; to hell with the elaborate presentation. Oh well, if only we as adults adopted that line of thinking, maybe life would be different for all. Instead of trying to impress others, maybe we should concentrate on the simple things like....

JUSTICE!

You know, something as small and insignificant like good ole American justice? You know, something that as an American, you're guaranteed per the constitution? What the hell are you talking about RiPPa? I'm talking about the gentleman pictured above. His name is Donnell Herrington. He's from New Orleans. He's not a rapper, nor has he been nominated for 8 Grammy Awards like a now famous New Orleans resident. Nope, he's not that famous, but he should be. Well, maybe not Grammy famous, but never the less, his story should be heard.

Thanks to the fine folks at The Nation magazine, and the good people at Democracy Now, I now know this man's story. You see, he is a survivor of the Hurricane Katrina tragedy of 2005. Surely by now you people all know how that episode went down. Like the majority of the people left stranded as they waited for their tax payer dollars to go to work, Donnell endured. Though the images of people on rooftops will (and should) never be forgotten by many, his story must be heard. You see, while Donnell was caught in the struggle of trying to survive a few days after the storm, he was shot, and almost lost his life. Oh well, thats what he gets for looting and tearing up the place like the rest of those Negroes! Yeah, I know that's what some of you may think, but he was no looter. He was just a man trying to stay alive.

Check it out...

Are you with me so far?

So why no investigation? Here we are 3yrs later, and still nothing? Hell, in the first few days after the storm, we were inundated with media images of Black people looting; people who were looked upon as savages. Somehow, someway, Donnell's story was swept under the rug. Why? Because he, like so many others were Black victims. I can't help but to think that if he were White, and his assailants were Black, things would have been different.

Conveniently, the New Orleans Police Department, are now looking into the story. Yup, 3yrs after the fact that Donnell and others sought justice, they now see it fit to do their jobs. What if A.C. Thompson, a White investigative reporter never divulged this information? Why did it have to take a White reporter to validate and spark interest in this story?

So why are you bringing all of this up RiPPa? I am because there's a level of vigilance that's required within any democracy. If there isn't any justice for all, how can we call ourselves the greatest nation in the world? I'm sorry, but I believe an injustice anywhere affects us all whether we believe it or not. This is why it's important that you take the time to do something about this.

Do what?

Take the time to click THIS LINK and do your part to affect change. Thats right! The organization ColorOfChange.org is currently sending letters to the Govenor Bobby Jindal of Louisiana, as well as the Louisiana Attorney General to ensure that justice be served. Oh and did I mention that the White would be racist vigilante fuckers have even acknowledged their actions? Seems like with so much "witnesses" that this would be an open and shut case. But, as we all know, things are not that easy for a Black man.

If you don't believe me, just go ask the Black man who was shot after the storm who ran to the police for help. Yeah, a good Samaritan took him to the police for help, but they tossed him into the backseat of a car and let him bleed to death. After which, they burned the car containing his body behind the police station. Oh yeah, and they did all of this after beating the shit out of the good Samaritan for bringing him there.

Look, as easy as it was for people to want change by voting for Barack Obama, I'd be seriously disappointed if nothing gets done about this at all. As easy as it was for so many to get involved in his campaign and give him your support. It should be just as easy to lend your support to see that justice be served. After all, a president only serves for 8yrs at the most. But our constitution, the one guarantee we're supposed to have, lasts a lifetime. So do me a favor: Get involed, sign that letter, and pass this on so that others can help as well.

Click HERE to demand justice.

Click HERE to read the entire article.

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM UNCLE SAM

Every year at Christmas time, we see these commercials from military families, or servicemen overseas, wishing their families a Merry Christmas. Why Christmas? How come we don't see them on TV when its...I dunno...Labor Day, or maybe...the 4th of July? Or worse yet, Memorial day?

Instead, they choose to do it at Christmas. You might say its the time of year for family, and that's what its about, but I say bullshit. Yeah, yeah, yeah at Christmas people overlook the fact that cousin Frank molested 13yr old Sharon at the family reunion and all, because its about family.

Don't you get the message by having these people on TV wishing their friends and family back home a Merry Christmas? They're not spreading holiday cheer. They think they are, but its actually another gov't propaganda public relations move. Lemme guess, the people here, back home, know exactly when their loved ones or friends are gonna be aired on TV right?! Yeah, they all know when, so that way they don't miss the opportunity to see them. Yeah, that's exactly how they put it all together.

Here's the truth: These commercials are designed to tug at your heart strings. You're supposed to feel bad because these people are overseas away from their families and friends at Christmas time. Upon seeing this, you're supposed to appreciate these "brave" men and women who serve this country, in making that sacrifice. Yup, you're supposed to feel guilty for sitting your ass at home watching football, and eating ham and having a good time with your family, while these people are all in trenches being bombed by the enemy. Get the picture now? Now you understand why this happens? Its all marketing folks. Its just another commercial, or a tool to attack your mind.

"But these people sacrifice a lot for your freedom RiPPa"

Bullshit! The men who fought the British and the men who fought in the civil war are the ones who sacrificed for my freedom. They're all dead now, but those are the guys I see as making a sacrifice that benefits me and my family. I'm sorry but, I'm too smart to get sucked in by propoganda packaged as patriotism. But, there are millions of people who buy into the bullshit and thats why we have wars, or as they would like to call them "conflicts" overseas. They all do it to preserve my freedom? And you call it a sacrifice?

The fuckin military exists because of poor people! The majority of the people in the military are poor. The only "rich dude" that was in the military was Pat Tillman, and they killed his ass. That's a person who sacrificed. The man was under a multi-million dollar contract to play in the NFL, but he walked away from that to serve his country in the fight against terrorism after 9/11. Then he gets killed in action and dubbed a HERO by the military, and everybody felt sorry for him and his family.

I thought that was pretty fuckin genius the way they did it. They used his death to touch the hearts and minds of millions of people. I'm pretty sure plenty people enlisted just based on his story and his death. But low and behold, they failed to mention that he died from FRIENDLY FIRE! They never even told his family that he died after being shot in the back by one of his fellow servicemen. They never told the truth because of the bigger picture. In case you don't know what that is, its called marketing.

How about this? How about we start putting convicted criminals on TV? Yeah, how about every year at Christmas time we see commercials from convicted criminals wishing their families a merry christmas. I mean, I'm sure they miss them too? But I'm sure that wouldn't fly because, well, they're criminals...

"They're not heroes, they never did anything good to benefit me and my family! If anything, them being in prison makes me feel safer!"

I say they might as well start having Bubba the axe murderer and the boys on TV from prison wishing their families a merry Christmas. Hell, just like the military, they've killed innocent people. Plus, them being where they are makes us feel safer. Ok, so people behind bars might be stretch. But can we at least get some Merry Christmas commercials from homeless people? I mean, if you're gonna tug at my heart strings or remind me of what Christmas is about, seems like that would be the way to go. Now there's an idea. Hell, you never know, maybe their relatives will get a chance to see them, claim them, and get them off the streets. After all, 250,000 of them are military veterans, and the gov't isn't doing much for them anyway.

RELEASE NAVIDAD

Most of you, probably get annoyed by Christmas music, on the radio, in the office, being played 24/7. Wouldn't it suck if there was a Christmas music radio station that played nothing but Christmas music all year long? And wouldn't it be really messed up if your boss was raised by elves and he kept the radio on that station all year long? Yeah, the though that its not like that, is what gets me through this season at the office. Although I hate the music, I'm thankful that my boss wasn't raised by an Amish elf with a weight problem on a reindeer farm.

My favorite Christmas song (on the radio) is a classic. Come to think of it, they're all classics. But my favorite song every year is "Feliz Navidad". I don't know who sings it but I know its done by a Mexican dude. A pretty nice Mexican dude I might add. Hell, he saw it fit to sing and record the song in part Spanish and part English --- he was probably really trynna get a green card when he did that. For a long time I didn't know what Feliz Navidad meant. Actually, every time I heard it, I thought he was saying..."RELEASE NAVIDAD".

Yup, I thought it was a song about a locked up Mexican dude named Navidad. I thought it was pretty cool how the dude who sung it remembered his friend at Christmas. Not many people think about people in jail at Christmas time, so I thought this song was cool as hell. I mean, he wanted his friend released from jail for Christmas, and I'm sure everybody in jail around Christmas time wishes they were at home with their families. A few years ago at work this lady actually told me what the words of the song really meant. But, I still hold on to the idea of Navidad being released for Christmas every time I hear it.

You'd think by now, since Christmas is like 2000yrs old (at least) somebody would invent some new Christmas songs. New lyrics instead of the same old stuff we hear every year. If that happened, it would make for an interesting Christmas radio season. Actually, they should do that and have like a Grammy Award category for just Christmas music. That alone should motivate a few artists out there. Hell, they'd all be dropping Christmas albums with all new material, instead of the same old bullshit.

Every year, some loser artist makes a Christmas album, and I often wonder who buys that crap (yeah Brian McKnight, what the fuck?!). I mean, duh, we already know the songs, and there's only so many ways that they can change it up anyway! Lets be real, its not like its the Star Spangled Banner ya know. That's the only song thats everybody knows that has a Puff Daddy remix. If the Grammy's had a Christmas category that crap would stop, and we'd have new Christmas music every year, and we'd be happy instead of irritated by the idiot in the office who walks around singing the same songs and spreading holiday cheer. However, I doubt that would ever happen. Instead, we're stuck with life as we know it in the office with stupid, repetitive Christmas songs. I'm just glad that Santa Clause doesn't "Superman Dat Hoe". I'd have to kill myself if that happened.

Merry Christmas folks

BITCH I WANT A BLOOD TEST!!

Hopefully before reading this, you already knew that after Christmas or the New Year, most marriages or relationships dissolve. Yeah, people usually break up after the holidays. People breakup for various reasons of course, but I think in the spirit of "being nice" for the holidays they wait till after gifts are exchanged and the holidays are over.

You might think its pretty selfish, but I call it being clever. I mean, you never know what kind of gift you might get from your girlfriend, boyfriend, husband or wife, if you tell them you're gonna dump them after the ball drops on January 1st. Who knows, you just might get the best present ever, like on those Lexus commercials!! Breaking up after a REALLY nice present has to be hard for some people I'm sure.

Look at the couple in the pic above. Don't they look so cute together with the kid and all? Yeah, they really do, hell its probably the kids first Christmas too. Look at them, cheesing for the camera in bliss as they shop for a Christmas tree....

or so you think....


"JUST PICK A FUCKING TREE MOTHERFUCKER!! WE’VE BEEN OUT HERE FOR 3 HOURS WE COULD’VE GONE TO K-MART AND GOTTEN A FAKE TREE BUT NOOOOOOOO YOU WANT THAT FAKE ASS PINE SMELL IN OUR HOUSE. THE SAME PINE SMELL YOU CAN BUY IN A CAN OF GLADE FOR 1.99. WE’RE OUT HERE PICKING A FUCKING TREE THAT’S GOING TO DIE IN 2 WEEKS AND SHED PINE NEEDLES ALL OVER THE CARPET. THE SAME PINE NEEDLES THAT WILL POKE ME IN THE FOOT UNTIL MID JULY BECAUSE YOU DO SUCH A SHITTY JOB VACUUMING THE CARPET. YOU’VE GOT 5 MINUTES TO PICK A TREE OR I’M LEAVING YOUR ASS OUT HERE MOTHERFUCKER! AND OUR THIRD CHILD DOESN’T LOOK LIKE ME, BITCH I WANT A BLOOD TEST!"


Yup, looks can be deceiving folks. From the outside, the man in that pic looks happy. But in actuality, he's pissed. He's pissed because he's Christmas shopping in the cold instead of watching football. If only she left him alone, at home, watching TV, they'd probably be together next year. The only way to prevent this is to buy your man something really nice, like, an NFL season pass for cable or Direct TV/Satellite, or maybe a stripper pole for the basement. If this guy opened this as a gift on Christmas day, all would be forgiven. Like I said before, its kinda hard to breakup after receiving the best gift ever. Think about it: you never see couples on Judge Judy fighting over a stripper pole now have you? Hopefully by learning something here today, we don't have to read those "I'm lonely because my man left me" blogs after January 1st.

P.S. Last night my wife and I bought, and put up our first "real tree"...big mistake. Yeah, it was her idea.

LIKE MIKE, IF I COULD BE LIKE.....MIKE?

I was watching an NFL pregame show on FOX recently and I saw Michael Strahan. When I saw the guy, my initial thought was: "Damn this muthafucka got skinny real quick!" Have you seen him lately? He retired from professional football less than a year ago and he has significant weight and muscle tone loss.

I think its amazing how the non-continuance of "certain" activities impact your life. Like, Mark McGuire for example. You remember how that dude was built like brick shit house and had those huge guns? He used to have tree trunks for thighs! Well have you seen him lately? Nowadays he looks like a white dude who who can get knocked the fuck out on the regular at a local pub for being drunk and trying to kiss any an everybody.,

I used to weigh alot less when I used to drink, smoke cigarettes, do drugs, have sex with random fat chicks without condoms after I left the club drunk at 3am. I was unhealthy. And whats jacked up is that I don't do any of that stuff anymore, and now I'm like about 50lbs heavier. So much for trying to be healthy huh. Oh well, its not like I was a multimillion dollar professional athlete anyway.

I said all of that to say this....

What the fuck happened to Mike Tyson ? Look at him. Do you see how fat this guy has gotten? I mean, I know he was a coke head. Hell, I think he still has charges pending for cocaine possession out in Arizona. But look at him. He's obviously not riding the White Horse like he used to. Hell, from the looks of it he's eating horses these days instead of riding them. I swear, dude looks like a fat midget who ate all 75 of Evander Hollyfield's kids.

The messed up part of the fat Mike Tyson to me, has to be that damn tattoo. Having a crazy ass tattoo on your face is cool when you look like a menace. You can be deisel in the hood like he used to be and have a tattoo like that and niggas would give you respect, or be afraid of you. But a fat dude with that shit on his face? I'm sorry fat dude, you scare nobody. You might still be able to knock a few guys out. But err, umm, a dude can smack the shit outta you, run and live to tell about it. Sorry Mike, you're not in shape anymore like you used to be.

Which, ain't a bad thing if you're not boxing anymore. Matter of fact, its a good thing. It shows everybody that inspite of being broke, that you didn't use steriods like the other athletes mentioned in this post. Oh yeah, and the next time you go to court for some not so well thought out act as you're known to do?! Its safe to say that the judge will assume that you're a washed up bum, and not some coke head.

I still love you though Mike. Aside from being the enigmatic individual you are, I love you. And yes, I'd still put my money on you in a Buster Douglas rematch today. If you lose, it wouldn't be as embarrassing as the first time. Hell, both of you fuckers would be fat has beens to the sport anyway. Win, lose or draw, it would still be better watching instead of seeing you wrestle grizzly bears at a circus.

REALLY NIGGA?? YOU'RE A ROLE MODEL??!!

No shit? For real nigga?? You're grown up now? No more ejaculating on the backs of females? I mean, are you serious? Kids look up to you? Ok don't answer that, you had grown folks around the world dancing to your garbage. If the grown ups do it, I'm sure you're right. Yeah, you're right, kids look up to you. So now what? You're now a conscious rapper with wack beats, and nursery school rhymes? Oh you're a five percenter now? Don't tell me you gon' be on that "Peace God" shit??

Listen, I'm not feeling you, and my two teenage daughters are not feeling you. Not only do I as a hip hop head think you suck. My teenage daughters who don't know jack about Kool Herc, Grandmater Flash, Grandmaster Caz, Funky 4 Plus One More etc. think you're garbage. You know why? Because they have a father like me to steer them away from your ignorant talk. Oh yeah, I caught that shout out you gave to our slave masters a few weeks ago. Remember that? Yeah, because of them your Black ass is here in America free to act a fool, and polute the minds of kids. Thank God not my kids.

Like I said, they think you're pretty fuckin stupid, and your music sucks. But seriously, instead of apologizing to the kids who listen to you. You should apologize to your momma. I don't know the lady, but in spite of the new found riches you've come up on. I could only hope that you're an embarrassment to her and the rest of your family. I'm sorry dude. I'm not feeling this forced PR move. You don't sound too genuine. But I gotta give you props...at least you can read a que card pretty well.

Now Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu....

get that fuck outta here with your bullshit!

Buh bye