HE'S A NEEEEEEGRO!!

"You know, it occurs to me that the best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people." - Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy in "Trading Places")

Remember the movie "Trading Places" from back in the day? Remember that movie? Sure you do, especially if you're a huge fan of Eddie Murphy like me. Back then as many times as I've seen the movie, and laughed my ass off, it was only as an adult that I understood the true significance of what the movie spoke of.

The movie spoke of a system. A system which by its own actions have the ability to affect the lives of many. In the movie if I remember correctly, it was called an experiment by old Randolph and Mortimer. If you remember the movie, they were the two very wealthy White men who ran the corporation. In effect, they were the gatekeepers.

Wanna hear something funny as in funny peculiar? This is really no different than real life today. Whether you believe it or not, this country, our society, our gov't, our lives, are controlled by older wealthy White men. Black president? Nahhhh...it means nothing in the grand scheme of things. Unless, our Black president is a part of the systematic design of those older wealthy White men who hold our lives in the balance. I mean, maybe Obama is the new Billy Ray Valentine. Grand conspiracy? Sure sounds like it doesn't it? But lemme ask: hasn't there been an ongoing struggle between the have's and have not's? Exactly!

But did you notice how even in that movie, in the experiment, how they used the age old tactic of divide and conquer? They did it indirectly, but they were able to keep both subjects of the experiment apart from each other. It was only when they got hip to the game they decided to come together and fight the system which had worked against them. The same thing is happening today folks. If you don't believe it, and you think "Trading Places" was just a movie, then be sure to never give me a puff of the weed you're smoking because it's obviously has put you in a coma.

In the end, we as a people may never be able to beat the system because they do have pretty much everybody under their thumbs. But its only by recognizing what's wrong with the system and coming together, that we're able to fight in an attempt to make life better for everybody involved, who just so happen to not be at the top of the food chain. If you remember, in the end they all got rich only by coming together to fight the power that were the Duke brothers. Wasn't it funny that it was the Black guy who figured out just how to get even?

NOW WATCH THIS...

QUESTION(S): If you could wake up one day as the member of another race, which race would you prefer it to be? If you had to live as a member of another race for at least 5yrs, what do you think will change for you and your experience? What if anything do you think you'll learn from this experience?

SURE THERE'S PORK, BUT IT'S STIMULATING RIGHT?

Oh well, so much for bi-partisanship. There went a novel idea. In a country that's all but coming apart at the seams as jobs are lost, in an attempt for gov't to step in and do something positive, the Congressional Republicans all voted against the Stimulus Package. Can you believe it?

These are the same guys who were quick to loan your money to the bankers, only for the same bankers to turn around and have drunken sex on your dime. Not only that, these same bankers were recently caught on a conference call having a discussion of spending your money on conservatives to lobby against the upcoming Labor Bill Known as the Employee Free Choice Act.

Ain't that a bitch?

Here they are using your money to work against you. Yup, they're fighting to stop regular working people like me and you from being able to form unions. You know, unions who would have a positive effect on our lives by possible wage increases, health care etc. Can you believe this shit? Talk about corporate greed right? Yup, these same conservative assholes are on the side of big businesses, and are quick to dish out $750 billion last year, and to this day nobody seems to know where the money went, or why the banks still aren't issuing credit.

The economy is damn near down the drain, and it stinks to high heaven. And in steps Barack "The Magic Negro" Obama with his Stimulus Package trying to be the forever Mr.Nice Guy, and reach across the isle to these fucks, and he gets not one vote in support from them. Hell, he even made concessions for the assholes, but still nothing. I mean, what does it have to take for these people to get it?

Are we supposed to wait till there's only about 1000 jobs left in this country? People are losing jobs by the minute, and things are pretty bad. Its so jacked up that even hookers and pimps are at the unemployment offices across the country. Not only that, people are killing themselves, and entire families as a result of desperation and despair.

Is it gonna take more people jumping off buildings or doing the murder suicide thing to get some attention? There's a family all now laying in a Los Angeles morgue because of this shit. From what's been reported, both parents lost their jobs, and as a result, the husband lost it and took his family out. Now I don't condone what this man did. And yeah its easy for me to say that its never that bad. But I don't know jack shit about this man, his family, or what he was up against.

For all I know, there are probably hundreds of people out there who have probably thought about going out like that because they have nowhere else to turn. And in times like these, the only place you can turn to is the government. You know, the same people we voted for to represent us, or our best interest? You know, the same people who were influenced by corporate greed, or the people who financed their campaigns and stuff like that? Yeah, those people.

Just when I thought the spirit of bi-partisanship would usher in a new era of politics in Washington, I see nothing has changed, which is really sad. Sad for the people of this country. But more so sad because up until now, I made an effort to not talk shit about conservatives in hopes that they and the democrats can get their crap together and make it happen for the people. I guess I was wrong.

So what am I left to think about republicans in our gov't? I think they're probably some lousy sex partners, and probably boring as hell. Why? Its obvious they know nothing about stimulation and making sure we the people get ours after they've got theirs. Hopefully this gets through the Senate and becomes successful in fixing the economy. Surely if it does, these clowns will never be able to take credit for it. As bad as things are, I'd say it was a pretty risky move on their part with 2010 re-election right around the corner.

FREEZING MY BALLS OFF

Have you ever heard the exclamation "its colder than a witches titty"? Well, just exactly how cold is that? I mean, I don't know any witches nor have I met any guys that have actually sucked on a witches titty. And who is the guy that had sex with a witch, and why in the world did he even do it?

Better yet, why in the hell did he even tell anybody? I've had 4am after the club drunk sex before but sheesh...a witch? Next time you hear anybody say that, just slap the shit out of them.

That's why weather men on TV should be more precise in the winter. Instead of giving me temperatures, just get to the point, and be specific...

"If you go out side you'll be freezing your balls off!!"

That's what should be said. That way I'll have an idea just how cold it actually is. Screw you and your wind chill factor weather man, I know its cold, and like any warm blooded man, I can actually say that I'm freezing my balls off and actually mean it when the temperature drops. Lets be honest, when it gets cold, I mean really cold, I seriously doubt knowing the wind chill factor matters. Its not like I'm gonna walk outside wearing a wife beater and shorts when its 20 degrees just because I don't know what it feels like with the wind blowing.

I really don't think women really understand what that means, to be freezing your balls off. Allow me to explain. In the winter GOD looked out for us men. He strategically made the BALLS the warmest part on a man's body. If you don't believe me ask any random dude. If you're still not convinced. Do some scientific research. Take one cold day in your city to do a survey. Take a random sample of 100 men, actually you don't need that many....but ask them if you can "cup" their balls in the name of science. You gotta say "in the name of science" or else I think you can pick up a charge or something. Only then ladies, I'm sure you'll be convinced as to the temperature of the balls in the winter.

YOU CALL IT CELIBACY, I CALL IT A DROUGHT

If you've been a reader of my often "twisted" blogs, I'm pretty sure by now you could kinda sorta understand my thought process. Well anyway, I've had conversations with females on and offline over the years and often celibacy comes up. I think its an interesting conversation to be involved in...if you're not the one who's celibate.

Being one who questions everything, my first question is always...WHY? Of course there are various reasons for choosing to be celibate. For some its a spiritual thing, and yet for others I think the coochie is just worn the fuck out. Who knows? At any rate, I think women put that out there as a sort of marketing ploy if you ask me. Its another one of those "attention" getting conversations. Why you ask? Because sex sells. However I think it's a poor attempt at using the "reverse psychology" approach in an attempt to sell one's self.

By now I'm sure that you're old enough to realize that some people just talk just to hear themselves talk. Seriously, if someone tells me that they're practicing celibacy a red flag goes up in my head. Like I said before I'm always interested in their answers to the why question. But that's just me, I always question peoples motives. Some I can accept and some I just excuse as bullshit! Some chicks give you the spiritual reasoning for it, and after a series of follow up questions, I then figure out that they are serious about theirs. My wife was like that when we first met, and she was for real; trust me, I remember those blue balls days. But then there are others who are just talking to be talking. It's as if when they tell you that they're celibate you're supposed to automatically wanna be the one to break the streak.

Like I'm supposed to go...

"Hmmm lemme see if I can change that!"

Yup, I'm supposed to be extra motivated to get with her because she's a saint.

Get tha fuck outta here! I figure those chicks who are like that are basically a bunch of horny fucks! Yeah, truth is, they're not celibate by choice. They just ain't gettin any! OR! Ummm, nobody is interested in having sex with them. Trust me I've been there; all men go through those dry spells. And I'm sure a lot of women do too. But to save face, they say that they're celibate. That's when the voice in my head just want to scream,

"Look lady you're not celibate! Nobody wants to fuck you!!!"

To be honest, if being celibate is really your choice you should keep that shit to yourself. Kinda like the same way White people never tell you who they voted for? Its none of your business; that shit is personal. But then you have women who walk around with the "I'm celibate" bumper sticker on their foreheads.

I think it should only come up in conversation if one is asked. Then you have the option to answer truthfully or untruthfully. Fuck it, who cares! I mean the only time it really should matter is if you've decided to "give it up". It should be your personal disclaimer right before deciding to break the streak. Then it becomes an even more interesting conversation worth having. But until then its really nothing. I know in a previous post I clowned chicks who post naked pics of themselves online for the world to see. Well guess what? I have more respect for their method of advertising as opposed to those "I'm celibate" women.

QUESTION: Have you been celibate before? Why?

MISGUIDED NEGROES IN THE MEDIA

Wassup people? Real quick. I know you guys have read about the backlash surrounding Aaron McGruder the producer of the show "The Boondocks" and his remarks about Obama not being Black because he doesn't share the legacy of slavery with African-Americans. Ok, well this post is not about him or what he said; I've discussed this in a previous post so no need to revisit this.

Since that press release, he has come out and cleared up what was said. To sum it up, it would appear that the media took a quote and ran with it. I could be wrong, but that's what I think for now at least. The media is brutal, and in an attempt to run a story, they will sell the masses on what they deem to be profitable. In other words, they don't give a shit what we the common man thinks. Instead, they'll stick a mic in the face of a famous person. Conveniently, they've sought input from celebrity Black people this week concerning the significance of Obama's presidency.

Here's another brother that had a mic in his face that helps to shape the perceptions of the White majority....

"For me, it was something that I've always believed. I've read the Declaration of Independence. I've read the Constitution. I have the preamble memorized. It's something I've always believed in, and when Barack Obama won, it validated a piece of me that I wasn't allowed to say out loud - that America is not a racist nation.

I love that all of our excuses have been removed. African-American excuses have been removed. There's no white man trying to keep you down, because if he were really trying to keep you down, he would have done everything he could to keep Obama down. Yes, there are racist people who live here, absolutely. But they're not the majority anymore.

I'm an African American, and I was able to climb to a certain point in Hollywood. On that journey, I realized people weren't trying to stop me. Most people were trying to help me. Before Obama won the presidency, it was like, I'm the exception. Tiger is the exception. Michael Jordan is the exception. Bill Cosby is the exception. But there's something about being the leader of the free world, with every other position on earth below that. You can't argue with that. If Barack Obama can win the presidency of the United States, you can absolutely be the manager at Saks.

Come on. It was such a fantastic experience for me to be able to say out loud that I love America and not be called an Uncle Tom. That I can stand out, and I can say out loud that I love this country and not get funny looks.

I don't think we are African Americans, Irish Americans or Japanese Americans anymore. I think Americans are a new race of people. We are Americans of African descent. We are Americans of Irish descent.

It's a whole new world."

http://www.usatoday.com/news/opinion/personal-reflections.htm

Ok, so if you clicked the link provided, you would know that the quote above came from Will Smith. Yup, Will Smith, you know, the first Black superhero who happened to be dysfunctional? Yeah, that Will Smith. Now I like Will Smith as an actor especially since his roots were in hip hop. Me being a hip hop fan, I love the fact that he came up from an art form which has been the source of blame for all our social ills within the Black community. He went from that, to being a man who is now a major Hollywood blockbuster guy. But does that make him an authority on "Blackness"? But because he is who he is, what he said is and has been looked at as the truth by many of our non-Black brothers and sisters here in America you can expect it to be accepted as truth. I mean, it's Will Smith and not that bastard Al "Ambulance Chaser" Sharpton, right?

I wrote this in an attempt to show just how the media has a big influence in shaping our lives. I mean, if Will Smith said it, then it must be true. After all, he's a Black guy, right? And just the fact that he's wealthy probably means that if he can do it so can everybody who happens to be a minority. No excuses, remember? I don't know about you, but I'm Black and I'm a parent, and this is not what I will teach my daughters. At this point in my life, I seriously doubt whether I'll tell my kids, that from this day forth, they no longer have to work maybe twice as hard because of their minority status. But then again, Will said that parents just don't understand, so maybe I'm wrong.

RECOMMENDED READING: YOU'RE SPECIAL SO JUST DEAL WITH IT By Brotherpeacemaker

I WISH I WAS WHITE LIKE OBAMA

Before I get into this blog, lemme just say for the last time this week: I'M SO EXCITED THAT MY PRESIDENT IS HALF WHITE! Ok, whew, I feel alot better now just getting that out. What? You didn't notice that Barack Obama is half white? Really? Oh you obviously have been caught up in all the false media hype about him being Black. You silly people with all your talk of history crap.

Oh yeah, the blog...

Ok so for the last few days I've been running into a rash of discussions on race on this site and quite a few others. It would appear that alot of our White brothers and sisters are a little disturbed by the events of January 20th concerning President Obama. Now I don't know if their thoughts represent a minority of White people, but it would seem that some of them are having a problem with all this racial stuff, racial talk, and history. I mean, all of a sudden I'm hearing talk about is being even since we have a Black president; stuff like no more excuses for Black people; racism is dead; we're a new country now; yadda yadda yadda. I mean suddenly in the age of Obama, White folks are experts on racism.

As much as I would love to go into disproving them with statistics and data, instead I'll go another route. You see, the problem is simple: WHITE PRIVILEGE. Yup, White privilege affords you the ability to say stuff like that. I mean, if you were not the majority, and have been subjected to years of documented overt as well as subtle racism (just the thought of racism being subtle is kinda funny almost like racism lite) I seriously doubt you'd think that way. Now before moving along, its important to understand that White Privilege has nothing to do with wealth and riches, or having it easy in life. No it doesn't because if that were the case, there would be no "You Might Be A Redneck" jokes.

You see, White privilege has to do with the tenets of White Supremacy. Sure, you as a white person may not wake up in the morning intent on spraying water hoses at Black people or accusing unsuspecting middle eastern airline passengers of being terrorists. But trust me, just like we as Black people (and other minorities) have been indoctrinated and conditioned to hate ourselves? You White people have had just the opposite. You see, while treating other people like shit, you because of the color of your skin have subconsciously developed a sense of entitlement which has been ingrained into our American cultural experience.

Entitlement to what? I don't know, but if you can find a living Native American with a tear running down his cheek maybe you'll understand. Oh and just in case you do find Sitting Bull, its important to understand that he's not crying because you litter and destroy our ecology. Bottom line: throughout the years you guys have gotten to love yourselves a lil bit too much to the point where you don't even notice what's going on around you because, well...its your privilege.

Ok, so I know what you're thinking...

Fuckin RiPPa is a racist son of a bitch!

I understand, White Privilege will cause you to think like that. No seriously, it does.

It will have you thinking that Black people are racist because they think their race is the master race of the world. Yup, and in thinking that, fear sets in and you seek to protect what's yours from those racist Black people like me who have everything because they pretty much run everything in this country.

But anyway, since I'm Black and obviously you think I'm racist or biased and full of shit. Allow me to introduce you to a man who is able to break this all down to bring some understanding. His name is Tim Wise, and yes he's White. I figured the only way you may be able to understand any of this is if you hear it from a White guy. I mean after all, when people like Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Rev Jeremiah Wright etc. speak on stuff like this, you don't take them seriously. The following video is a condensed version of a lecture he did called....

THE PATHOLOGY of WHITE PRIVILEGE

Its kind of long; actually about 57 minutes. And yeah I know how impatient some of you can be around here and refuse to click links or look at videos. Thats cool. But if you truly wanna gain some understanding as to how and why White Privilege affects even White people, you'll take the time to watch it; if not now hopefully when you have some time; I promise you, it is well worth it. So, I'll stop for now. Watch the video, and then go run tell your friends; send them a link to this, or link to it yourself; the more the merrier. Hell have them come back to this blog and watch it or even leave a comment on it. Seriously, leave a comment. Even if its negative I won't hold it against you. I won;t because I'll be of the understanding that you can do that because of....

White Privilege?

In all seriousness, I understand and realize that this isn't something that some of you are ready or maybe even capable of dealing with. But its important that if we're in a "post racial" society and all, we should at least be able to have an honest discussion on this.

SO NOW THAT OBAMA IS PRESIDENT, DOES IT MAKE CPT TIME OFFICIAL?

Initially I wanted to do some live blogging as I watched the inauguration. But that was impossible to do because of the enormous range of feelings and emotions running though me just sitting in front of the TV. To sum it up: it was a good idea, but wrong event to even attempt such a feat; that's why there was no pre-inaugural blogs from me on here.

But now that its over, I guess I can recap just a few of the thoughts I had in my head at the time as I was watching. Some of them, I'm hopefully not the only one to think about it. But then again, you folks already know how my mind works. So without further ado, I bring to you, my inauguration thoughts, post inauguration of course...

1) Maybe it was just me, but I was embarrassed that the event ran late. They said that its usually planned down to the minute and they have been successful in doing so in the past. Then here we have the first Black President and the event ran late? Not a good look for us Black folk. Hell, we're always accused of showing up late to pretty much everything. And here at one of the most monumental moments in Black history...we run late. Does this mean that CPT (Colored People Time) is now an official standard now that Barack is in the White House?

2) Michelle Obama's outfit she wore that day was hot. She looked sexy as hell in a formal event sorta way. You know like, if she was at the office Christmas party in that outfit, I'd try to sneak her into an office closet and...well, you know whumsayin. If I were a drag queen I'd definitely have to find a very similar outfit; green leather gloves included of course. No joke, she looked so good she made me wanna send her child support payments knowing her kids aren't mine.

3) The kids (Sasha & Malia) were adorable. They looked so cute and well mannered that I doubt we'll ever see a repeat of the Bush twins escapades. Yup, no fake ID stunts here.

4) Bill Clinton looked like a pimp as he walked into the place. Jimmy Carter and his wife still looked good. But what the fuck is up with George "Big Poppa" Bush? And will Barbara Bush always look like an old lady? Can it get worse for her? I mean she looked like an old lady 20yrs ago. And unlike her husband, she looks like she hasn't aged a day in her life. Big Bush could hardly walk, and reminded me of a penguin the way he waddled around. Hell, I thought the event was gonna be over before he could go down the stairs and find his seat!

5) I was watching it on CNN, and they showed the VIP's as they showed up and were seated. Was that really Muhammad Ali? I haven't seen the brother in a while and I know he has Parkinson's, but man he sure didn't look anything like himself. I was glad that he was able to attend.

6) Speaking of which: Why was Steven Spielberg there? I know Alex Haley is dead and all, but Steven didn't have shit to do with the movie "Roots". Oh my bad, he had something to do with "Amistad". I get it, but what the hell has Dustin Hoffman done, and why was he a VIP invitee? Where was Danny Glover? Hell, maybe even Flava Flav even? I wished I saw more prominent Black celebrities. And no CNN, flashing to a scene of New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin with a tear in his eye doesn't count.

7) When they introduced or announced Aretha Franklin just before she sung, fear and curiosity overcame me. Everybody was talking about what Michelle Obama would be wearing to the ball, but I was concerned about what Aretha was gonna be wearing as she sung at this event. The last few times I've seen her perform at events she has managed to wear clothing that was rather revealing. And the last thing I wanted to see was the Queen Of Soul performing at the inauguration with her titties, or back fat hanging out. She didn't disappoint me and I thought her hat was beautiful. Plus my favorite color is green, and she looked good.

8) Rick Warren prayed too damn long. Hell I think he went overboard and tried to be a lil extra to make up from the backlash of him being invited to do the invocation. Matter of fact, I think he's still praying right now. Give it up Rick, you did good and nobody boo'd you. Well, nobody that we heard on TV anyway. Speaking of which, wouldn't it be cool of they had the Sandman from the Amateur Night At The Apollo to come out and dance while he was praying and forced him to exit stage left?

9) Oh yeah, Obama's official limo, "the beast" is the shit son! I'm not really a Cadillac man myself even having owned two in my life, but this limo has renewed my love. I almost wanna purchase a new one, but I'm sure the brothers in Memphis would beat me to it, and with customization, they sure would make mine look less presidential in comparison. Can you imagine how theirs would look?

10) For the first time through this whole thing, Barack looked nervous as he walked in to be introduced before being sworn in. I was wondering if it was the enormity of the event sinking in. Or was it the rash of death threats he received just prior? I wish there was a way CNN was able to report on the number of death threats received the way they did the commercials for "Black In America II".

11) My most priceless moment of it all was not seeing Obama take the oath. If it was, that moment was fucked by the Supreme Court Justice Roberts anyway. Speaking of which, I was kinda unhappy that CNN kept Clarence Thomas on my TV screen as long as they did prior to the start of the event. But anyway. My most priceless moment was seeing Dick Cheney in a wheelchair. talk about Poetic Justice, and exiting stage left. This asshole in the last few weeks or month even, has been quite the defiant supporter of all the bullshit him and his sidekick George Bush (yes Bush was his sidekick, did you think Bush was really running the country?) has put us through over the last 8yrs. Any normal person (other than me) would have had sympathy for the man seeing him incapacitated like that and being reduced to a wheelchair for the changing of the guard. But not me. I saw it as payback, and I was kinda hoping that the frail older looking lady pushing him around would slip and allow him to roll down the steps at the scene of the event kinda like O.J. in the "Naked Gun" movie.

This is all I can think of for right now that sticks out in my mind today 24hrs later. Maybe you guys can identify with some of this. Maybe you can't. But at any rate, these were just some of my random thoughts during one of the most historic events in American history. Sure they may sound dumb, but dammit its my reality. And besides, it was an event that will forever be remembered by everyone around the world.

Care to share any of your odd thoughts?

Hat tip to Keep It Trill for the pic

THE INAUGURATION: THE FIERCE URGENCY OF NOW

It snowed here in Memphis Tn. this morning. It probably snowed in alot of different places in America today, but snow in Memphis is a very rare event. When I looked outside and saw it, it was then I realized that the day was special. I don't know, but given the historical significance of the day, I saw the snow as simply frozen tears of joy from my ancestors who have gone on before me. More specifically, I think it was the frozen tears of Martin Luther King Jr. After all, Memphis Tn. is the city where his life came to an end.

Having said that, its important to note that the title to this blog is actually a phrase taken from one of his speeches. To me, it puts into context what this day is or was about. You see, now only exists, well, right now. Right now is now, and it too will be history. What happens right now sets precedence for the future. Its great to look back and see how far we have come, but as Americans we must realize that in looking forward, we must understand what now is about. Ladies and gentlemen, change is here, change is you. Its what you do right now that determines what the future will look like.

Its important to understand that the events of today are a result of more than 2yrs of a campaign. What we saw today was something that was set in motion decades ago by some very brave, optimistic people who believed; people who dared to challenge the status quo; people with a heavy dose of ambition; people who were filled with hope. These were people who were not comfortable in the right now, or how life as they knew it was accepted widely in our society. So what did they do? They got up and decided to change their circumstances. I suspect that even then, they knew that through their efforts, this day would come.

This is why I don't buy into the sentiment expressed by many that they never thought this day would ever come. Yes I know its almost unbelievable for many; I understand that. But in the right now, the events of today should serve as encouragement, and motivation to act in the now. Your actions right now do have an effect on you, me and everybody in society at large. Believe it or not, but it does.

In closing I want to leave you with one of my favorite mantras that I've adopted in my adult life: There are two things you can do with time, you can either waste it, or invest in it. Today, I'm grateful that there were people who came before me who decided to see the neccessary urgency of now. If they didn't, I'm sure the world would be a very different place.

What are your thoughts right now?

WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?

We all heard about this guy. I don't care if you live under a rock, there's no way in hell that you haven't heard about Jesus Christ. There are enough white people (missionaries) in the world traveling to remote areas of the world to talk about him. I mean he IS the most famous dead guy of all time, and nobody could take that #1 ranking. But could you imagine if he was alive today? Could you imagine how different things would be? Not quite sure where I'm going with this huh?

Ok well lemme tell you....

What if Jesus were alive today and he was a blogger? Its safe to assume that 99% of you who believe in God would pass him off as just another nut job. Most of you would laugh at his ass and call him crazy! I'm pretty sure thats the same response he got back in the day. I mean if I all of a sudden I started proclaiming to be the son of God I'm pretty sure a lot of you would dismiss me. Some of you probably won't, but would rather continue reading my blogs just to laugh at my crazy ass. And then, some of you would believe me and would still be connected and cool with me. Either way, I'd become pretty popular around here and I'd attract fans and haters all alike.

Jesus would write blogs pointing out some of the foul people in the blogosphere. He'd write blogs about the dudes who do nothing but troll these pages looking for women they can score with. He's write about all the people posting half naked pics of themselves on their pages trying to get attention. He'd write blogs about people who write bad poetry in an attempt to be deep. He'd write blogs about how stupid it is to have internet beef and arguments with people online. He'd write about all the women who sit online in pain after failed relationships who all lash out about men. He'd write about sorry ass dudes who fail to step up to the plate as fathers and raise their kids. He'd write blogs about all the women who grew up without positive male role models who have a hard time searching for love, who end up having 4 kids with different dudes. He'd write blogs about pretty much all kind of fucked up shit he sees in the world online and offline. Jesus would be like the biggest critic ever. He would do no different than what he did back in the day. He'd criticize people and offer them a chance to see themselves in a different light.

He'd do that with the hopes that they would change their ways. Jesus would do that because he cared. If he didn't care he'd be self centered and only write blogs about himself and how well he's doing. He would never offer advice or words of encouragement to anyone. He'd pretty much be a narcicist; which is really no different than some of the people I've encountered on here. He'd post pics of himself every chance he could get to show the blog world just how beautiful he is. I mean keeping it real, Jesus would be on his own dick and he'd have no friends. He'd probably have to always remind people that he wrote a new blog, by leaving links to his page in their comments. He'd have to beg for comments and shit like that all the time. People would pretend that they like him but talk shit about him behind his back. But I'm pretty sure that like today, they talked shit about him behind his back in biblical times. I mean he'd be criticized by people for having half naked chicks on his friends list on somewhere like MySpace. People wouldn't understand him having gay friends on his list as well. People would talk shit about Jesus just like we talk shit about regular people today. Hell Jesus talked shit about people in his day, so who are we to be any different.

The difference is, Jesus wasn't just a critic just for being a critic sake. Like I noted before, he talked about people in an attempt to show people themselves with the hopes of them changing their ways. But instead, with our simple "human" eyes and minds we fail to see the bigger picture. Look, I fuck with people on here and talk shit just like Jesus did. I do it not because I enjoy fuckin with people. I do it because if I could make somebody think about doing things differently, then I did my job. Matter of fact, maybe Christians are right? Maybe we should all be more like Jesus? Not be more like him so we can get to heaven. But be more like him so that we can change lives. I'm a firm believer that your thoughts control your actions. So I'm gonna take a page from the Jesus handbook and continue to say and do shit around here, and in your comments for you to think about. Maybe by doing so, you'll be forced to think differently and in the end act differently. They talked shit about Jesus back in the day and they killed him. Maybe if he was alive today and blogging, things would be different? Maybe he would've never been crucified? Maybe he would've been ignored enough to not piss anybody off? Maybe he actually wrote this blog? Maybe he wouldn't run around calling himself a Christian, but instead allow his writting, and interaction with people in his or on other blogs to be less self centered? What would Jesus do?

YOU MAY NOW DRINK THE RED KOOL AID

DO 50 BULLETS IN YOUR ASS MAKE YO' DAY??

The movie "NOTORIOUS" is finally here. The movie is a biopic which centers on the life of legendary rap star The Notorious B .I.G. , or Biggie, as he is affectionately known by hip hop heads such as myself. As a fan, I'm kinda torn on the movie though I haven't seen it just yet. As a matter of fact, when I heard it was in production, I made up my mind that I wouldn't see it. Its not that I already know how its gonna end, its just that I loved that dude and his music so much that I can't see some other fat dude (other then myself...*cough*) playing him in a movie.

To me, making a movie about him is a violation. Making a Biggie movie is like remaking a Michael Jackson classic. Lets face it: there are some stuff that should never be touched, and to me, this is one of them. I'm dead serious, I'd be equally as pissed if they made a Vanilla Ice movie. I mean, who needs to relive that embarrassing moment in hip hop history. Wasn't the made for TV MC Hammer movie enough?

Instead of seeing "NOTORIOUS" I think I'm gonna go see "Gran Torino". You probably haven't heard of this movie, nor have you paid any attention to the trailer. Basically, its a movie staring legendary actor/director Clint Eastwood. He's some where around 103yrs old now, so just the fact of him being in a movie in itself is an accomplishment. Supposedly, he's playing another bad ass character in this movie. If you know anything about his older movies, he's always been a bad ass hero through the years, and his persona is something that's for the books.

But do you wanna know why I'm interested in this movie? I'm interested in seeing it because I believe it will be a source of comedy for me in months to come. Its a pretty serious movie, and not to be confused with Clint playing in a comedic role. So what's so funny RiPPa? What's funny is that he's playing and old ex-military racist bastard who has a hard on for young thugs. Like I said, I haven't seen the movie, but just from what I've read, and seen in the trailer, he's bent on getting his rocks off on getting rid of young punks in his neighborhood. Yup, Clint is going around shooting at gangbangers the likes of something reminiscent of the movie "Falling Down". Remember that one?

So again, what's so funny about that RiPPa? What's gonna be funny is probably what's gonna happen after the movie is released and seen by white people. You see, Clint Eastwood is like John Wayne in the minds of white people of another generation. A lot of them are gonna wanna see this movie just because its Clint. And when they do, they're gonna think of his old "Dirty Harry" character from back in the day. They're gonna go see this movie and get so involved with it that they're gonna think its real life. Black people do the same thing at the movies and thats why they talk through movies, and get shot for doing it. But not White people. They don't say shit at the movies. Instead, they leave the movie all juiced up like an idiot who just drank a Red Bull, and did a couple lines of meth. You know, just like the Italian dudes who saw "Rocky" back in the day? Eddie Murphy talk about them in his stand up movie "Raw", remember?

Well if you remember that bit, you'll understand why this is going to be comedy for me. You see, I suspect that after seeing this movie, there will be a lot of old ass white men killed, or injured pretty badly in an attempt to be bad asses just like Clint's character in the movie. Yup, I suspect that Clint Eastwood is going to be the death of old ass white men in 2009. Think about it: cops are killing Black men these days; they're doing their part. What makes you think old white men wouldn't attempt to recapture their racist youth of days gone bye and try to take out a few young thugs in this day and age. And see, that's where they're gonna get themselves fucked up, and its all gonna be Clint Eastwood's fault. Of course the media wouldn't see it that way. Instead they'll probably report it as some young thug deciding to be a menace to society as always. But here's a tip for my white readers, and friends of white people: Stay away from Gran Torino; stick to Benjamin Button; you'll live longer.

I'll have to comeback and tell you guys about the movie once I see it. I'll do my best although I do not think I can do as well as Invisible Woman does on her blog when she breaks down the latest movies. But I guarantee you that my assessment will be honest, and delivered with the fullest reality as always. Who needs to see the Biggie movie and be sad all over again when he gets killed in the end. Yup get mad at the fact that his killer hasn't been caught to date and its been years since he was killed. Instead, go see Gran Torino, that way we can have a profile of the future killers of young Black males other than the police and other Black men these days.

Roll clip.....