Don't Ask Don't Tell: If You Do, Either You Get Killed or Lose Your Job While Obama Does Nothing - And Yes He Can, Remember?

So if I told you that "Porky Pig" was gay would you believe me? Probably not. You'd probably think I was trippin’ like usual. Well, the truth is, I don't know whether he's gay or not nor can I even prove it. But, if I could prove that he was gay, and of course if you believe me, would it make a difference in how you looked at Porky? It probably wouldn't make a difference to you; it wouldn't because he's just a cartoon, right? Exactly! He's just a stupid cartoon that we grew up watching as kids and he’s not real. Now if Porky was a real person, things would be different. We'd all look at him differently. He'd be Porky the gay pig instead of Porky Pig.

I think its vapid how we judge and label people because of the sexual orientation of their partners with whom they engage sexually. I mean, I personally love eating p*ssy, but now that you know that, do you look at me any differently? No you won't, because I'd still be RiPPa instead of RiPPa the guy who likes to eat p*ssy. I think it’s stupid to get hung up on someone’s sexuality or sexual preferences. But here in America, it’s a big deal. I'd like to think that in other countries things are different and people are more liberal. But the hell if I know; maybe you can tell me if it is.

Unlike most people, I'm not paranoid about gay people. Hell, when was the last time you heard of a gay rapist in the news? (No seriously, I’d like you to think about that last question) You see, in my younger years I could have been considered a homophobe. Like many people in today's society, I'd throw a middle finger up at gay man all the while embracing lesbians or some girl on girl action. I mean, that’s what men do. That’s what men insecure about THEIR sexuality do. But as I've gotten older I've come to realize just how closed minded and juvenile it is to have such a mindset.

[Read the story of August Provost III here]

I mean hell, heterosexuals engage in sexual activities that are somewhat out of the "norm"; but do we judge them like we do homosexuals? Sure we don't! Do we run around persecuting people who choose to engage in shittin’ on each other while having sex? No we don't. There is no protest if two would be "shitters" wanna get married. Instead, there's outrage about gay marriages and their ability to openly serve in the military. Look, gay people live in this country and pay taxes just like everybody else. They're not forced into a higher or lower tax bracket just because they're gay. So why prevent them from being able to serve their country in the military? I mean, how come there isn’t a special “no shitters” clause in the military? Shittin’ on your partner while having sex is a dirty habit but yet I don’t see anyone trying to ban it.

Of course some people say that it’s not morally right because God didn't intend it to be that way. Newsflash people: nobody voted for God to run this country; God doesn’t put his hand on a bible to be sworn in. And besides, if God didn’t intend for it to be this way, doesn’t that show that even he isn’t perfect? Whatever happened to separation of church and state here? The churches or religious groups have that much power to influence policy or their own moral agenda? Hell, why don't they use that power to stop the f*ckin war in Afghanistan?!! Oh I forgot, in Afghanistan those people are Muslim and not Christian so it’s cool with God to kill them just as long as the person pulling the trigger isn’t gay?

Yeah, the United States military makes bullets and guns that only work for heterosexuals. Yep, that’s why they have to kick gay people out of the military if they’re exposed. Uh huh, that’s why there’s that “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy. You see once a gay person is found out it causes major malfunctions with the nuclear defense systems that are strategically placed all over the world. And well, you know as a country we cannot afford to become so vulnerable since we’ve pissed off so many people around the world, right? Yeah, if they find out that you're gay, you're gone. Is that fair? Gay people are not qualified to promote democracy and freedom? I guess being gay is anti-American? Isn’t it time that they update their weapons capability so as to prevent them from malfunctioning in the hands or presence of gay personnel?

But hey, this is America, the land of the free, home of the brave, and the hypocrites. F*ck, R. Kelly gets to pee on a 14yr old girl and still make millions from fan support, but a gay person can't exercise his or her right to serve the country in the military and protect our freedom as the military often espouses? I know it’s pretty Utopian of me to expect people to be judged by their character rather than the color of their skin and all. But it’s a damn shame that, I'm considered a better person because I'm heterosexual. Sometimes I swear I wish I lived in a cartoon world. Maybe life would be better for us all if we did. I don’t know about you, but I think Barack Obama is and has pussyfooted enough with this issue, and it’s time for him to deliver. But then again, should they bring back the draft I think it would be kinda cool if all of a sudden everybody decides to be gay so as to skip going to war. Yeah, because war sucks anyway.

Hey Soulja Boy, that's not swag, that's gay!

Ok, so yeah there have been rumors. Rumors that I have yet to give any thought. But seeing how the pic above was posted on Twitter, I can't help but to think Mr. Boytellum is trying to tell us something. First off all, did he actually hop up out the bed, turn his swag on and took a look in the mirror and said wassup when he took this picture? Did he really trun his swag on or was he trying to turn on a guy named Swag. I'm just sayin folks: famous or not, why would I wake up in the morning and take a picture of myself with morning wood? Answer: because I'm gay and I plan to post the pic on Twitter to turn on my gay male fans which would mean...I'm gay!

Nothing wrong with being gay mind you; this post isn't a shot at homosexuals. What's wrong however is being a supposed role model to kids and putting this out there yourself. Even worse than that is giving gay people a bad name by being the walking advertisement for White Supremacist groups (thanks Elon). I'm seriously having a hard time accepting that he sought female attention from this picture. It's too bad that the females drooling over this pic on Twitter and everywhere else have no clue. And what's sad is that some of them are old enough to be his mother; nasty ass heffas.

I'm sorry, but if you're a sex symbol, the ladies will let you know and there would be no need for this type of self-promotion. Yes, and this is why I'm convinced that Soulja Boy is gay, and Swag is the nickname of one of his lovers. I mean, he is from Atlanta, right? No disrespect to the ATL...but you folks need to pass legislation banning this type of swag; or any alleged "swag" coming from Zoboomafoo posing in the picture above. Yes, I need one of you to tell this clown to hop his ass back in the bed and never wake up.

Yep, Soulja Boy is Tellin'em alright.

So, how long has Boss Hog been a Senator?

Watching the Sotomayor confirmation hearings has reminded me of just how much I hated The Dukes of Hazard show on television. It's as though Lindsey Graham and Jeff Sessions managed to channel their inner Boss Hog. No offense to my white southern readers who happen to be republicans. But it's almost like I can see them asking her what was life like back in Mexico.

Michael Jackson was murdered? Maybe he would still be alive today if he smoked weed

I don't even know if Michael Jackson has been buried yet; has he? That's how much I've paid attention since the day of his memorial. Seriously, for all I know his casket may still be sitting in the Staple Center as much as I've watched the news since that day. However, I caught the headline online that said that he was murdered. Sounded like one of those Enquirer headlines you see at the grocery store checkout isle. You know the one you'd laugh at last year had you read that? But then it hits you that he is in fact dead.

Supposedly Latoya Jackson and her dad Joe are of the opinion that there's some f*ckery afoot concerning his death. From the looks of it they're suspicious of his private physician (as well as others) who he himself resided at the Jackson home. I don't know how true this may be as an official cause of death has yet to be released. Amid this allegation the stories of drug use has ran rampant. Which is pretty sad because it paints the picture of Michael Jackson as an understudy for Pookie from the movie New Jack City, and damn near worse than my man Gator from Jungle Fever.

Look, I don't know what killed the man, and yes I can say the media had a hand in his death as I have before. However, I've been thinking about this for some time now, and I have to say that: Michael Jackson would probably still be alive today had he started smoking weed. Yes, Michael Jackson would be alive today if marijuana were legal in this country. Supposedly he became addicted to pain medication, and was an insomniac who cried for nothing but sleep. If Michael Jackson smoked a blunt, his ass would not have been up all night in pain. Had Mike smoked weed -- I'm talking that Grade-A shit you see on the cover of High Times magazine -- he would be alive.

I mean think about it: Willie Nelson smokes hella weed and he's still kicking up dust. You think Willie Nelson has trouble sleeping at night? Willie Nelson is 120yrs old and still going strong and everybody knows why. Have you looked at him recently? He doesn't quite look like a stressed out kinda guy now does he? See? That could have been Michael Jackson. With the money Mike had, he would have never left the country pissed off and stressed after his trial amid all the accusations of child molestation. Nope, Mike would have been in California probably blowin' that Piff with Snoop Dogg and George Clinton. Yes, he would have probably bought Humboldt County California, sold Neverland Ranch, and reopened a new spot called Never Comedown Ranch. When you consider that California cannot even balance their budget and Los Angeles had to beg for donations to pay for his memorial, weed being legal sorta makes sense.

People say marijuana is a gateway drug, but that's bullshit. I have yet to meet people hooked on pain pills (and I know a few) who got there after smoking a joint. Jokes aside, prescription drug abuse in this country is far worse than perceived in this country all while authorities criminalized marijuana. Maybe what LaToya Jackson said is true. Maybe what she said is just emotional speculation in the wake of the death of her brother. However, there were in fact people around Mike that were enabling him in more ways than one.

In a recent press release by ABC news right here, one can see never before released pictures of Mike from 2002 which shows just how his body was ravaged by intravenous drug use. Now that he's dead it's sad that these pics are released. Personally I wish they had pics of him taking a toke on a bong or smoking a joint. If they did, I think it would have been easier to stomach than what the current pictures show. Michael Jackson was in pain, and just like a cancer patient I wish he was able to use weed legally. I say legally because it would be kinda hard for him to don a surgical mask as he did and ride up to one of the spots in the hood trynna cop a sack. Yes, the cops would have loved to have someone like him doing the perp walk.

If someone calls your phone and starts that heavy breathing, it just might be Sarah Palin

No seriously, it's not like she has a job anymore in politics or a future career even. So everybody is wondering, after her last day on the job, what's next. Here's what I got out of her farewell speech the other week. Of course people are all talking about how incoherent her speech was (as if she's ever been coherent) and the ambiguity of her reason for stepping down. But what they missed was her audition for life after politics as a phone sex operator. Either that, or what this next clip shows is a secret Alaskan moose call used while hunting.

I'm going with the phone sex thing; it's a fast money maker and I'm sure those horny republicans within the base won't mind giving her a call or two. I mean you know how they love their porn. At any rate, if you saw her speech or not, the following clip pretty much sums it up. It's a lot shorter which is a good thing, but not that much different as far as substance is concerned than the entire speech. Watch this and tell me: do you disagree with me on the phone sex thing?

Roll clip:

Jesus was racist. No, not the Mexican dude; the guy who wore sandals, and hung out with whores and other societal derelicts

Uh huh, yeah, I know this is going to be hard for some of you to process; yes, I know it is especially after you see this video at the end [ hat-tip to macon d at Stuff White People Do]. If anything, it (the video at the end) should motivate you to re-think the parable of the "Good Samaritan". After all, he (Jesus) did tell this story to these Jewish folks, and look at what they did to Cynthia McKinney when she attempted to bring aid to Palestinians over a week ago.

Yeah, they finally released her after sitting in jail for 7 days, and ironically there was little press coverage surrounding the story. But I guess that's to be expected coming from the same people who pretty much disowned him. That thing religion sure is hypocritical funny isn't it? Just ask the Jewish guy in the pic above. Hopefully today for the sake of the message in the parable Christians are not like, well, you know who.

[You can click here to read about the above image on this post]

So what Joe Jackson looks like Blacula. Maybe life would be better had he beat all of our asses.

Whenever I see Joe Jackson, especially in the last few weeks, I think of the movie Blacula. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but Joe Jackson gives off this creepy blood sucking vibe whenever I see him. Maybe it's because of all the stories of how he abused his kids. Yeah, maybe that's why he seems evil to me, aside from looking like Blacula. But looking at it now since Michael Jackson's death, I can't help but to ask: did Joe Jackson abuse his kids?

I mean the media has us all now believing that this guy pretty much ruined his kids by beating their ass. Let’s be honest, there's a big difference between abusing your kids and beating their ass. But somehow this man has been made out to be a villain. A villain which was created by his very famous son and what he disclosed to the media probably to gain sympathy.

Back in the day my mother did what teachers couldn't; she beat some sense into my ass enough so for me to get good grades. Trust me, while pissed at the time, those beatings paid off. I kinda feel the same way about the Jackson family. If Joe Jackson didn't beat his kids asses like he did, and as much as he enforced discipline or as strict as he was, would we even know those Negroes from Gary Indiana? Would we have had the outpouring of love for Michael Jackson and the rest of his family in his death as we have? I doubt it.

Joe Jackson and his wife had nine kids. You cannot be on the lower end of the totem pole economically, have nine kids and not whoop some ass. Joe Jackson beat that ass and they're all better off right now because of it. There are plenty of derelict delinquent people right now who could have used some Joe Jackson in their lives. Yes, we see them every day, and we encounter them on our daily travel along the road of life. I don't know about you, but I know I have met some fools who could have stood to have had their ass whooped a lot more than they ever had as a child.

The world is full of f*cked up people; some of them as adults are in need of an ass whoopin. Hell if Joe Jackson didn't beat his kids Tito would probably be as old as he is and selling dope in some crackhouse in Gary. Shit, LaToya may have turned out to be a hoe or freak. Wait a minute; she did turn out to be just that anyway; yeah, maybe he didn't beat her ass enough. Janet may have had six kids by now, and on welfare; thus far she's done well for herself by not being a mother and in her 40's. Lord knows what the rest of them would be doing right now without Joe in their lives.

In the end, I'll say that Joe did the right thing. He beat his kids just like parents of old did. And because of the Joe Jackson beatdown, they all came to enjoy the fruits of their labor. I'll also say that Donnie & Marie Osmond’s parents probably beat their asses back in the day as well. The difference is that we don't hear about it. I sincerely doubt time out worked for them; yeah, and there were like fifty of them living under the same roof.

The Jackson's however whenever the subject is them in the media will always be remembered as the kids that Joe abused. You know what? Child abuse is child abuse; however, whooping your kids ass is just that and not child abuse. I don’t know how you feel about beating your kids. Shit, say what you want about Joe, at least his kids didn't do something like this:

Somebody needs to give Joe Jackson a call.

Yeah, tell him America needs his services by way of ass whoopins.

Tell him he can start by giving the parents of these kids...

and the adults in attendance a serious well calculated beatdown.

Tell him we'll pay him for it...

After all, Michael didn't actually leave him a dime in the Will.

How's that for thanks?

GUEST BLOGGER: SjP’s Top 6 Ways NOT to Come Face to Face with a Hot Grits Bath

[Editors Note: I am extremely honored to have this contribution from the sister SjP from the blog Sojourner's Place. As usual she brings forth her sage-like wisdon with this piece. I hope you folks enjoy the piece. And fellas, I sure hope y'all pay attention.]

I’ll bet you my neck and I ain’t got but one, that John Ensign and Mark Sanford are down on their knees right now thanking the every supreme being known to man for Michael Jackson right now. And while I mean no disrespect to the King of Pop, you just got to know that Ensign and Sanford were probably cutting big fat checks back then to help defray the costs of the recent memorial and funeral ceremonies. If they weren’t then they should have, because - at least for the time being - they have been able to dodge the bullet.

But, if either one of these two men was married to a “different” kind of woman, they would probably be sleeping with one eye open and cooking all of their own meals. A “different” kind of woman would have them so afraid right in through here that they would be afraid to say “good morning” let alone go on international television to apologize. APOLOGIZE! I GOT YOUR APOLOGIZE – a “different” kind of woman might say.

I mean a different kind of woman might have a Waiting to Exhale burning up all your clothes moment. A different kind of woman might have baby oil pouring pure ass-whooping This Christmas moment. A different kind of woman might have an OH HELL NAW grits bath –Madea's Family Reunion moment.

So, just in case, RiPPa, you have readers that are hooked-up with a different kind of woman, I offer...

SjP’s Top 6 Ways NOT to Come Face to Face with a Hot Grits Bath:

#6. If you hook up with the wife of your assistant - then you might just come face to face with a grits bath.

#5. If you apologize to your wife as an afterthought for screwing around - you might just come face to face with a grits bath.

#4. If the beautiful and suggestive love notes you wrote to someone other than your wife becomes public - then you might just come face to face with a grits bath.

#3. If you tell the entire world that you’re going on a trip to fall back in love with your wife - then you might just come face to face with a grits bath.

#2. If you ask your wife to go with you to break up with your soul mate - then you might just come face to face with a grits bath.

#1. If you tell the entire world that your soul mate is other than your wife - then you might just come face to face with a grits bath.

Don't Look Now, But Not Only is Barack Obama a Socialist, He's Also a Pedophile

What's that thing they say about throwing stones when you live in a glass house, again? Yeah, so the above pic has been circulating and creating a buzz on the internet. I first saw it on Twitter last night and I planned to write a post on it from a completely different angle than I am doing right now. I wanted to originally write about how we would react if Barack Obama ever cheated on his wife since cheating is the hot topic this week. Ain't that a bitch? On a week like this, Obama manages to get caught on tape peeking at some booty while on the job at the G-8 Summit. Now, to me, I say it's just innocent but perception can prove to be very important. He may not have even been looking at the chick; some lucky photographer may have just gotten one of those lucky shots. Call it one of those Da Vincci moments I guess. I mean is the Mona Lisa really smiling when you look at the painting?

The thing that gets me today is that right wing ass-clowns are using this pic for political commentary, and taking shots at Liberals. These chowderheads are now running around suggesting that Barack Obama is a pedophile. Yes they are, because somehow someway, it's said that the girl in the picture was 16yrs old. Now mind you, in the picture to the left of Obama is French president Nicolas Sarkozy, but hey, he must not be a pedophile like Barack. They say nothing about him so I'm guessing there are no laws in France to protect minors from sexual deviants the likes of Elvis Presley and his cousin Jerry Lee Lewis. Those French people I tell ya.

Instead, it's all about Obama. Of course you know that is to be expected since he's Black right? Yeah, that has to be his Black side because White guys just don't do stuff like that. Instead White guys say they love the Lord, Pastor mega-churches, endorse republican candidates, do meth, and have sex with boys. Yeah, White guys instead work on Capitol Hill and sexually harass their male Paige who works for them. Yeah, they do a whole bunch of other stuff - too much to even mention on this one post - while preaching to the rest of us about family values and stuff like that. Lemme see, I think there's a word for all of that type of behavior, what's it called? Oh yeah I think it's called hypocrisy Republican?

But anyway, let’s forget about those White guys I mentioned above. What if Barack Obama did cheat on his wife while in office? What if like our first Black president Bill Clinton, he too was embattled in scandal or an alleged affair with a staffer. How would you deal with that? Would he be any different than the White guys already mentioned? Of course not, he would be just like them, but belong to a different party. Even so, I can't help but to think that he would feel the full brunt of hate and be the subject of salacious commentary if the woman in question was White. Would the Black community still give him their undying love just like they did our first Black president when he did what he did? We already know what White America would have to say, but what would Black America do or say about that? Would it make a difference the race of the other woman to the Black America? These are questions I hope you'll make an attempt to answer.

Let’s get back to this pedophile thing. Assuming that he did in fact take a second look at that 16yr old girl in the picture above; assuming that she is in fact 16yrs old. Could it not be because maybe he was shocked at what she was wearing? I know I've given several teenage girls the second look many times just out of shock for the stuff they're wearing. Does that too make me a pedophile? Nope, it makes me a shocked adult male who happens to police the stuff my teenage daughters wear. But don't tell that to the blowhards on the right because they corner the market on family values, hypocrisy and stuff like that.

But hey, I don't know what I'm talking about. That plus the people who produced this next video are full of shit. Yes Barack Obama is a pedophile, and that's the truth of the whole matter; it has to be if it's coming from Republicans, right?

The Valley Swim Club Digs Themselves Deeper in the Hole; sorry, no apologies needed niggers; we gave you back your check.

By now I'm sure you've heard the news about the swim club in Philadelphia that kicked out 60 Black inner city kids when they showed up on the first day of swimming. As you know these kids were part of a summer program who paid $1900 to have the kids use the pool once a week. Well, today I'm sure they've been getting bombarded with emails and phonecalls from people disgusted by their actions. I'm guessing it is all this negative attention which has forced them to shut their website down and issue the following statement:

The Valley Club is deeply troubled by the recent allegations of racism which are completely untrue.

We had originally agreed to invite the camps to use our facility, knowing full well that the children from the camps were from multi-ethnic backgrounds. Unfortunately, we quickly learned that we underestimated the capacity of our facilities and realized that we could not accommodate the number of children from these camps. All funds were returned to the camps and we will re-evaluate the issue at a later date to determine whether it can be feasible in the future.

Our Valley Club deplores discrimination in any form, as is evidenced by our multi-ethnic and diverse membership. Whatever comments may or may not have been made by an individual member is an opinion not shared by The Valley Club Board. [source]

I don't know about you, but I am as confused as a baby in a topless bar. Lemme see, by refusing to accommodate these kids because as they put it "they would change the complexion" of the pool wasn't racist? Yeah, that wasn't racist because the problem actually was that they didn't anticipate that many Black kids and the facility is not equipped for that many Black kids. I could be wrong, but that's what I got out of that statement.

The least they could have done is to apologize in an official statement like the one above. Instead, they distanced themselves from comments made by the Club President who works for them?

Nope, no apology. Just here goes your money, and have a nice day....niggers.

Well damn.