I'd Vote for Donald Trump If...

OK, so I'm not a wedge issue kinda guy. You know, like when it comes to voting for someone for the very important position that is the president of the United States? Yeah, for me it takes more than one issue to earn my support. What can I say, I'm not like pretty much all Republicans and the Black people who cast their votes for president based on one single issue - Black people, keep it real: we only vote for Democrats because Lincoln freed the salves, right? So yeah, I'm so not that type of guy (Hopefully you're still laughing at the sentence before this last one). But, if I was, I would vote for Donald Trump.



I totally forgot Trump entertained the idea of running for president back in 1999. Looking back at how he felt about the following issue, coupled with the fact that he has a great relationship with "the Blacks" who are to blame for Obama being president. He would totally have my vote for president tomorrow. Yeah, forget the racist Birther stuff; I'd forgive him if he felt the same way about health-care like he had back in the day:

I really believe the Repub­li­cans are just too crazy, right?” he told Tim Russert onMeet the Press. “I mean, just what’s going on is just nuts.”

“We must have uni­ver­sal health­care. I’m a con­ser­v­a­tive on most issues but a lib­eral on this one. We should not hear so many sto­ries of fam­i­lies ruined by health­care expenses.”

The goal of health care reform, wrote Trump, should be a sys­tem that looks a lot like Canada. “Doc­tors might be paid less than they are now, as is the case in Canada, but they would be able to treat more patients because of the reduc­tion in their paper­work,” he writes.

The Cana­dian plan also helps Cana­di­ans live longer and health­ier than Americans.

We need, as a nation, to reex­am­ine the single-payer plan, as many indi­vid­ual states are doing.

And on his crit­i­cism of George Bush and the Iraqi inva­sion, The Trump said, “He’d go into a coun­try, attack Iraq, which had noth­ing to do with the World Trade Cen­ter, and just do it because he wanted to do it.”

I mean seriously, based on what he said back then, Trump sounds like a lighter-skinned Barack Obama with fucked up hair, right? No joke, he sounded like one of those liberals he now despises as much as he does a 15mph headwind. Oh well, too bad he isn't concerned about those things today, and has it in for that Kenyan birth certificate. I guess something about a Black man being able to raise $1 billion to be elected president bothers him; but I could be wrong.

Racist Republican Strikes Again: Obama's Parents Were Monkeys

So president Obama announces his bid for reelection like and hour ago, and these racist-ass Republicans couldn't wait to start the bullshit. Remember all those supposed-to-be-funny racist emails back during the 2008 campaign? Well, at least one veteran of the race baiting game, California Republican official, Marilyn Davenport, is back at it again. This time, she's pulling the "Birther" jokes out of her ass. This time, she's in hot water for circulating an email with the above pic depicting Obama as the offspring of monkeys. The punchline being, hence the reason there's no birth certificate:

ORANGE COUNTY (CBS) — KCAL9 received a tip about a racist email circulated to some Republican Party members depicting President Obama’s parents as chimpanzees.

This week Marilyn Davenport, a Southern California Tea Party activist and member of the central committee of the Orange County Republican Party circulated what some are calling hate e-mail to an unknown number of her fellow conservatives.

Written under the words, “Now you know why — No birth certificate!”, is an Obama family portrait depicting his parents as chimpanzees.

When asked if she thought the email was appropriate, Davenport is quoted as saying, “Oh, come on! Everybody who knows me knows that I am not a racist. It was a joke. I have friends who are black. Besides, I only sent it to a few people–mostly people I didn’t think would be upset by it.”

Former Chairman of the California Republican Party Michael Schroder has demanded Davenport’s resignation saying it’s not her first brush with racist rhetoric.(source)

It's bad enough that Arizona passed a "Birther" law which requires anyone (who they think is Kenyan) to submit a birth certificate, or show that you're circumcised (if you have a penis) to be on the ballot. This has never been done before in history (yeah white folks, see how they change rules once Black people get in the game?). Now you have this so-called non-racist because she has Black friends, continuing in racist tradition. Oh yeah, watch the following video and listen to them detail her racist and racism-defending antics as well as those of others. Hopefully Republican officials get her out of there; she gotta go. Everybody knows her, "I have Black friends," response is quite typical.

Keep it post-racial Teapublicans!

How a Fully Loaded Tomato Changed Our Lives

by Eco.Soul.Intellectual

In 1994, a new type of tomato was introduced. This fruit (yup it's a fruit) was crossbreed with the arctic fish to produce a crop that withstood cold weather.

Since, apples have been crossbreed with moths, lettuce with rats, potatoes with spider genetic strains and salmon is now being "farmed" or cloned through genetic splicing.

Today, has resulted in almost 90% of genetically engineered crops produced in the Americas.

Currently, the United States has a law that does not require genetically modified foods (GMO) to be listed in the ingredients. While European consumers have rejected GMOs in their products, multinational companies (Coca Cola, General Mills, Etc.) have complied, but still dump them in the United States and other places such as South Africa.

Meanwhile, farmers in poverty and food-stricken Haiti have burned seeds from seed conglomerate, Monsanto that have supplied Haitians with GMO seeds. These seeds are only good for one season, and sterilize the ground, have become the agricultural bully around the world.

GMOs or Biotech crops have been a bone of food-contention since they were largely introduced in the 90s. It is the process of splicing DNA of several organisms and embedding DNA of other organisms to create produce that is studier in production.

Haven't you noticed that food has gotten prettier, more abundant and cheaper in seasons you would never see a blackberry?

This video explains the issues of GMO. Below is a very short list of genetically modified foods. The top three culprits are Monsanto, Dow Chemicals and DuPont.

BP Stands for Butt Plugs

by Eco.Soul.Intellectual

When the US Administration allows BP to mine for oil off the Gulf Coast again, we will all need to purchase butt plugs.

We are all fucked.

As hundreds of dolphins are dying, crabs are walking cross-eyed in thick murky oil at the bottom of the sea, and thousands of miles of shore going up to the Carolinas have petroleum residue in its sand, BP will set up shop again.

Protecting the free trade market in America comes at too high of a cost.

A billion dollars in recompense, but a billion organisms have been gravely affected. BP, please kiss my ass, after you rip it, again.

Weaves & Chicken Nuggets

by Eco.Soul.Intellectual

I thought I knew a little something about hair until I got my hair braided into a simple chignon last weekend. My stylist was bragging about how she put in a 28 piece weave earlier that day, and a 27 piece weave the day before.

"WTF is a 28 piece weave? Does it resemble chicken nugget specials?" I thought to myself.

I just kept saying "uh hmm" as she braided because I was trying to get through her Nicki Minaj ring tones and the yelling at her kids named "Sharpie" "Sha Sha" and some other shit.

Later that night, after I greased the shit out of my throbbing edges, but was quite pleased at the facelift I got because my braids were so damn tight, I googled "28 piece weave" and was flooded with information. How did I not know?28 pieces weaves are the latest thing going since, weave tracks.

Better than putting money down on some property.

I was absolutely fascinated and simultaneously puzzled at the weave industry that black people have so little a financial stake or profit.

Weaves have evolved like KFC wannabe chicken. Just like the genetically altered poultry, the chickens have gotten bigger, and the process of growing them have gotten more sophisticated, but the end result is disaster. Just like you don't have any chicken, you don't have any more hair.

Like the fake KFC chicken, weaves are made to generate money, though not created for proper body maintenance. Cooked up in a Korean and Chinese labs with synthetic materials and pasted on our heads with scalp searing glues, the resemblance of 28 piece weave and a chicken is quite uncanning.

Can someone please explain why we leave weaves in our hair until the whole office can smell the rank order of unwashed scalp, sweat and caked on hair products seeping through?

Ugh.

Okay, and one more thing. The black tar glue plastered onto the head with the cap. Gross.

For those of you who are as uninformed as I am. I dropped a video for you. Why are we more versed in weaves than in let's say, saving money. Nice moustache chica.

Click the following image:

So What's Glenn Beck & Sarah Palin Gonna Do Now that Trump has Stolen the Spotlight

I heard the news recently about Glenn Beck's upcoming departure from Fox. And, I'm not sure if that's actually a good thing; something tells me he's still gonna lurk the background at Fox. Now I don't know about you, but I don't like the idea of lurking racists. Not that I watched his show or anything, but I prefer my racists to be front and center. Ask any professional racism chaser such as myself and they'll tell you. As fast as racism runs and as tricky a son-of-a-bitch as racism is, we prefer him to be as obvious and open as a Klan march on Main Street. So, don't celebrate Beck's departure just yet; find out his next move first.

I tell you one thing I'm kinda happy about; and I'm sure it's going to shock you. As much as I can't stand the ridiculous antics of Donald Trump as one of "the Blacks," I appreciate that he's front and center. I know, sounds crazy I'm sure. But have you noticed that since he's been on the scene with all his silly talk that Sarah Palin has been pretty damn quiet? No seriously, think about that for a few. We haven't heard a damn thing from that airhead in recent weeks. Which is odd considering the attention whore she's known to be. So something tells me that if her daughter can make a career out of getting knocked up as a teen. Surely Sister Sarah will be back. So at any rate, so as to keep it post-racial, don't be surprised if they both team up. Give them their own show; hell, make them partners on Dancing With The Stars or something.

A Requiem for the Black Intelligentsia

[Editor's Note: In light of the debates centered on the heated exchange between Rev. Al Sharpton and Dr. Cornel West (here). I've asked my man Joshua Lazard aka Uppity Negro to weigh in. Frankly, I'm tired of the activist vs. intelligentsia narrative that suggests they're mutually exclusive.]

by Uppity Negro

Mourners file into New Mount St. Nevermind Missionary Baptist Church to funeralize Black Intelligentsia.  The public had endured a long painful and debilitating disease close to twenty years.  Maybe more.  The mourners pack into the church on a hot, sultry day and even with the air conditioning on full blast, it does nothing for the swelling crowd.  Women have produced church fans donning images of Martin Luther King and Beck & Sons Funeral home barely moving the stagnant air that has fallen on the crowd.


This day has come nearly two years after the actual death date, however.  Through special court injunctions, the body was kept in the morgue for this extended period of time as the estate holders argued incessantly over what to do.  The mourners are in tip toe anticipation wait eagerly as the speaker mounts the pulpit.  The polished attire produces a silence only interrupted by the low drone of the forced air from an inadequate cooling system.


The speaker clears their throat before stepping into the rarefied space behind the microphone, looks up above the horizontal plane and begins to speak.

There was nothing more marvelous in the existence of the Negro culture than the men and women that took part of what came to be known as the Black Intelligentsia.  Although we were told to regard it from a distance, it still had the royal and noble sound of a certain trumpet beckoning one to listen.  This clarion call rang throughout the nation from its genesis until the moment that Death came and rescued it from a body beaten and battered by the winds of change and eroded by the winds of time; from a body located in the Ivory Towers of Academia, yet with a soul longing for the freedom it once had dwelling in the lands of the people.

Black Intelligentsia was preceded in Death by its mother Fannie Barrier Williams and its father W.E.B. DuBois.  You may ask how can such parents gave birth to such a noble institution?  They were able to create such a wondrous offspring because it was shaped in the crucible of the American postbellum apartheid.  Black Intelligentsia was birthed in 1895 when its father DuBois and his contemporary Booker T. Washington engaged in an exchange of words at the Atlanta Exposition displaying that the Negro can indeed produce a fundamental sound that goes far beyond the natural penetrating to the of the metaphysical.

Through its early years, Black Intelligentsia produced the “New Negro” and an Alain Locke being a voice of triumph in the wilderness that ushers in the Harlem Renaissance.  The Harlem Renaissance matches the artistic fervor with a spiritual essence giving forth to a certain sound that emerges from the annals of the soul.  Black Intelligentsia helps produce  Zora Neale Hurston, Jean Toomer, Langston Hughes, Countee Cullen and Gwendolyn Brooks.   This sound, this noble sound, has the ability to infuse the lives of the Negro in America and provide the foundation of the modern Civil Rights movement.

The Sexual Subversive [Tell Me How it Feels]

The following is what I remember many years ago when I asked the question...

* * *

-=[ How Does it Feel? ]=-

So quiet now.
Soften yourself and listen.
Connected and motionless.

To the symphonic pulsing of our blood,
the crash of an eyelid,
the joyous trickle of a bead of sweat.

© 1977

Yup, in my naïveté, while I was in her, I asked the question and she looked at me in that singular way of hers -- that “look” that only experience and time can bestow on a woman’s beauty -- and she said…

I would love to tell you how it feels.

When I’m riding you out to the stars and your body is clustered in a point, and then it rockets away from you on waves of pleasure. I guess the ocean best expresses it best. The smell. The origin there: conceived and then burst into a billion cells. What I mean is we’ve all been intimate with the most profound creative experience: we’ve all been born.

I think that the people who are lost, that’s what they’re really most lost from. And sex. That is one of the simplest and most thrilling ways to get it back again…

Sometimes I think if I could make love once a week, that would take care of it. But then when that someone is around, I mean someone that I have feelings for, then I want to do it more. And then I think it’s mostly for affection. Then the coming -- the orgasm part -- is different. It’s a level that can be utterly satisfying, but I don’t have to have the stars. If I don’t need to come, I don’t. Then there are days when I wake up, and I know that at a certain point someone’s going to touch me on the shoulder, and I’m going to quake. There are those degrees. There’s that certain kind of thing that doesn’t make you knock your knees. And then the one that grabs you so hard and takes you all the way there. I think it’s the easiest way to understand a state of grace. And then when you begin to scream and shout because you know I’ve got it, then that’s the best. I’ve met very few men who can adequately gauge a wave.

To be honest, I came to the point where I really didn’t care to make love to a lot of men because it takes so long to learn someone in that way. It always manages to feel like such a struggle, and then the best are almost always the ones you’re going to love exponentially.

I used to be so afraid of being sexy. Now it thrills me. I like to get to the point where I can wear a slip. It still takes me a while to get completely down. And I really only can with someone I like a lot. It’s like a dance. There’s the step you do for yourself. And the step you do for your lover. And the step for the audience too.

I guess certain people like certain things. I knew one man who would grab my hair just above the wedge and pretend that he was going to touch that in the triangle there. I loved that feeling of a tease. It wasn’t technique. It was as if he were learning to play an instrument well.

Most men will tell you that the biggest thrill is to make it good for a woman and I can see how they would think that. I’d really like to know what other people feel.

Kissing is my favorite part.

I like to stop before it all explodes and just lie together, breathing together, like we are now. If I close my eyes and concentrate on what the space in pussy is holding, I can feel like I have a penis. It’s like being both sexes at the same time. And it is. [we both laugh at this]

Society definitely conditions us to be shy. I mean women. I think about those studies about women’s sexual peaks at thirty and I bet it really has more to with it actually taking a decade to overcome a certain kind of timidity or shame.

Before I called you that first time, I thought about you passionately for days. Then I called my friend and asked for your number and then I called you and casually invited you to meet me. I was practically throwing up. The first time I had done something like that, the man in question couldn’t deal with me being the instigator, or taking matters into my own hands, and he misread me, got all insecure, or maybe he saw me as a slut. I don’t know, I just know I lost interest then and ti really didn't have any significance. It did help me understand the social aspect of the dating scene -- what men have to go through. Meet a girl, make a date, get laid. It’s terrifying. On the flip side, women are expected to ride along submissively, being sexually ignored, ungratified, or abused.

Until one day maybe she sees a freshly washed sheet on the clothesline with the dry air blowing through it and she decides that’s the way she wants to feel…

Love,

Eddie

Kobe Bryant, Anti-Gay Slurs, & the Fans who Defend Homophobia & "Rape Culture"

NBA superstar and all around superhuman wannabe-rapper, Shaquille O'Neal, dissed Kobe Bryant by kicking a fresh sixteen onetime with the hook, "Kobe, tell me how my ass taste." I'm not sure if you remember that, but we all laughed. Speaking of memory lane; I bet you didn't remember that at one point in time, Kobe was also poised to get into the rap game with the launch of an album. An album that we all figured would be reminiscent of another famed Philly rapper who broke it down about the complexities of the child-parent relationship. Surely as clean cut as pre-rape Kobe was, there was no way he'd release an album with the typical misogyny of your everyday NBA player-wannabe-rapper type. Shout out to former Laker Cedric Ceballos?

But then came the Colorado rape allegations, and suddenly Kobe wasn't as clean cut as everyone thought him to be. I mean let's be honest: you don't get to do Sprite commercials with a tarnished image. Yep, just ask Chris Brown; he knows how that works. So here we are today, several years removed from the teary-eyed press conference, the apology, and most important of all, the number change which marked the "rebirth" of the Kobe Bryant brand. After all, it was the number-eight-wearing Kobe who cheated on his wife, and had the potential of spending years in prison for rape. Yep, number-twenty-four-wearing Kobe would do no such thing; and all was forgotten by Laker fans.

Kobe bounced back, and even won a few more championships along the way. Yes, the heir apparent was back. Well, that would be up until being handed a $100,000 fine by NBA commissioner-for-life David Stern, for an on-court outburst directed at a referee. Kobe "allegedly" (I gotta say allegedly because I wasn't there and I ain't trynna get sued) called the referee a "fucking faggot," in a not-so-friendly sorta way. Let's just say he said it not in the same way a guy will say it to his buddy; not without the expectation of being punched in the face. But at some point you grow up, and you don't play that game. You realize it to be immature, and you don't use the word. Definitely not towards a guy you don't know as an expression of discontent. That is, unless you're into pain and getting your teeth kicked in, in some weird death wish fetish "Fight Club" sorta way. Believe it or not, there are actually people like this; but not Kobe Bryant.

"My actions were out of frustration during the heat of the game, period [...] The words expressed do NOT reflect my feelings towards the gay and lesbian communities and were NOT meant to offend anyone." - Kobe Bryant

Now the thing that bugs me, is that some people are unhappy with the discipline levied by the NBA. For some, this is really no big deal, and it's not like he smacked the referee, choked his coach, or anything deserving of a $100,000 fine and a one game suspension. Yes, one friggin' game, and his fans are mad. I swear the way some are responding to this, you'd think Kobe Bryant was gon' let them hold some money tomorrow or something. Of course some people take the F-A-N in the word fanatic quite seriously, and can be a bit irrational. For example, I love Brett Favre, and I don't see what was the big fuss about him sending pictures of his penis to a lady who never requested them. OK, so what he's married; with the advances in technology those rules go out the window; everybody sends naked pics to people these days; what, you've never used a social networking site? OK, I'm straying a bit, but you get the point.

Hey, Democrats: Not Even Charlie Sheen Sees this as Winning

There's an old joke that asks: how can you tell if a car salesman is honest? The answer is simple: an honest car salesman is one who is unemployed. Yes I know, made you bust a gut, didn't I? Given my professional background - in marketing and sales - I've always found that joke to be funny because the basis for closing any deal is as such that, "you get what you want, when other people get what they want." Of course everyone thinks that all car salesmen are dishonest (I've never sold cars), but could it be far from the truth and actually the other way around?

Could it be that consumers aren't honest with themselves and they get what they ask for? I mean, you do get what you pay for, right? After all, you gotta believe a lie before you can sell it to others as a bargain. Which in sales jargon, a bargain is what is perceived. However, perception isn't always reality.