The Myth of the Unwanted, Unloved, Unattractive Black Woman

By now you're probably tired of hearing about John Mayer and his "David Duke" penis.  I know you are!  I'm over it, but I had to share one final nail in the coffin with you.  This post was so brilliant, I literally stood up and clapped like I was in church.

On Twitter I asked Thembi (@thembithembi) of WhatWouldThembiDo.com, what The Brown Nipple Theory was all about.  She was kind enough to put up a post, and break it down poetically.  Peep it an excerpt of her John Mayer's Lies and The Brown Nipple Theory:

The Brown Nipple Theory™ is a catchphrase created during my youth to remind my group of friends that white guys were in fact interested in us. For years we’d all believed that white boys would never lay a hand on your average black girl, but we proved that tired theory wrong both by experience and simple logic. Basically, men love to go to the “locker room” and tell other men about their exotic exploits, one of which, in some circles, is having seen a brown nipple firsthand (hence the name of the theory).

Trust me, the desperately single black women who wonder where all of the black men are may have a larger media presence, but those of us who have stolen boyfriends from little white girls are quite large in number.

Preach, Thembi!  It's an awesome post, and she goes in even deeper, so check it out.  I thought long and hard about her comment on the media presence of single black women, and this morning I woke up with a "Eureka!"

So What John Mayer's Penis is Racist! Black Women Won't Sleep with Him Anyway!!

So I popped on to Twitter this morning only to be greeted by a host of angry black women going in on my man John Mayer. So naturally I'm curious to know why all the rage today, why John Mayer? What, did he call Michelle Obama a bitch or something? What gives? And isn’t he black? So then I found out that the sistahs were pissed off by something he said in an interview for Playboy Magazine.

Now, I'm not one to ever try and shape opinions with my writings on this blog. So I'll let you check out what he said and leave it up to you to tell me how you interpret it:

PLAYBOY: If you didn’t know you, would you think you’re a douche bag?

MAYER: It depends on what I picked up. My two biggest hits are “Your Body Is a Wonderland” and “Daughters.” If you think those songs are pandering, then you’ll think I’m a douche bag. It’s like I come on very strong. I am a very…I’m just very. V-E-R-Y. And if you can’t handle very, then I’m a douche bag. But I think the world needs a little very. That’s why black people love me.

PLAYBOY: Because you’re very?

MAYER: Someone asked me the other day, “What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?” And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a nigger pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, “I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full.’"

PLAYBOY: It is true; a lot of rappers love you. You recorded with Common and Kanye West, played live with Jay-Z.

MAYER: What is being black? It’s making the most of your life, not taking a single moment for granted. Taking something that’s seen as a struggle and making it work for you, or you’ll die inside. Not to say that my struggle is like the collective struggle of black America. But maybe my struggle is similar to one black dude’s.

PLAYBOY: Do black women throw themselves at you?

MAYER: I don’t think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick.

PLAYBOY: Let’s put some names out there. Let’s get specific.

MAYER: I always thought Holly Robinson Peete was gorgeous. Every white dude loved Hilary from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And Kerry Washington. She’s superhot, and she’s also white-girl crazy. Kerry Washington would break your heart like a white girl. Just all of a sudden she’d be like, “Yeah, I sucked his dick. Whatever.” And you’d be like, “What? We weren’t talking about that.” That’s what “Heartbreak Warfare” is all about, when a girl uses jealousy as a tactic.

OK, so this was just a segment of the full interview; an interview which covers his music, his life, and the trials and tribulations of being a celebrity. But this segment of the interview apparently has angered more than a few black women. So what he said that he doesn't normally fuck black women and by virtue this makes his penis racist. Yeah, so fuckin' what! Shit, I'd like to know just how many black women would be willing to give John Mayer some coochie if he wasn't, well, John Mayer?