Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Driving While Black: The Terrence Jones Story (w/ video) - Black Man Wins Case and Sues County Prosecutor

A few months ago, I had an ongoing conversation with friends, which led into debate on this very topic. It was back around the time when Oscar Grant was killed by a police officer. I could remember me saying to them, that it's important to know your rights as a citizen per the constitution when dealing with cops. I could remember me saying that knowledge of your rights was important. Uh huh, I could remember some of my friends saying that it was irrelevant to our survival in encounters with the police.

I'm sure amnesia would kick in and they probably don't remember saying that should I bring it back up. That said, I'd like you to meet Terrence Jones. See him in the pic sitting on that nice shiny Jaguar? Yeah, that's him. Did you happen to notice that he was Black? Of course you did. Just like the police when they see a Black man driving a "nice car" that he shouldn't be able to afford, you noticed he was Black as well. You see, that was Mr. Jones' problem back in 2007.

Late one night, while driving his Lincoln Navigator - you know, the type of vehicle that if you're Black, you have to be a drug dealer to afford? - He was pulled over by the police in South Harrison, Gloucestor County in Pennsylvania. From what I hear, this area is nothing like the "hoods" of Philly, where Mr. Jones worked for 11yrs as a police officer. Plainly speaking, this place by no means is attractive to the "hood" elements. It's my guess that the police are intent on keeping it this way, hence their reason for pulling Terrence over.

Upon being stopped, he was questioned by the cop as to if he had been drinking, and if they (the police) can search his truck. To which, Terrence let it be known that he is not a drinker, and NO, they cannot search his car. Well, being the good officer that Officer Schaeffer was, he ordered Terrence out of the car, and administered a sobriety test because as he saw it, "he was acting shady." Yes, those were his exact words he uttered to a backup officer who was called. After which, he questioned Mr. Jones about being in possession of anything illegal in his car. Terrence Jones said no. However, the good officer wasn't satisfied; he peeped his head in the car to sniff for drugs.

Jones was never ticketed and was left to go his merry way. Shaken by the obvious episode where he did no wrong, Jones wrote a letter of complaint to the police chief. After about a week went by without any response, he decided to call the station. He was told that they would send somebody out to take a report at his home personally. Great, problem solved, right? Wrong! How about the police never showed up, and instead, a grand jury indicted Jones for filing a false report, and he faced up to 18 months in prison for the offense. Having done no wrong, Jones pleaded not guilty and took it to trial.

Well, he won, and now he's suing the department for violation of his civil rights? How about that? How about the Judge was appalled, and threw the case out? How about the judge was upset at the fact that he was indicted without even presenting any of the DASH CAM evidence to the grand jury? Evidence which clearly showed Mr. Jones' refusal to having his car searched. How about the judge said that when the cop leaned into this man's window and decided to snoop around it constituted a search? How about the police chief said he never received a letter? But upon receiving the call a week later, when questioning the cop, he (the officer in question) decided to invoke his right to remain silent? After which, the chief turned it over to the prosecutor for them to files the false report charges?

How about that?

How about the cop knowing his rights, and Terrence Jones knowing his as well to not consent to a search of his vehicle? How about that? How about Terrence Jones is going to win this lawsuit for lord knows how much money is involved? How about knowing your rights are half the battle?



Monday, March 30, 2009

One Giant Leap For The Hispanic Kind

I often speak on racial issues, which are often of a negative nature. I figured it was time to touch on something positive. This story has to do with the fast rising Hispanic ethnic minority group. I’m not sure if you’re aware, but they’re the fastest growing ethnic group in this country. As a matter of fact, their growth is estimated to be responsible for the browning of America. It’s predicted that by the year 2042, the current non-minority ethnic group, will become the racial minority.

If any of you do not believe this to be true, one can only look to what I found out last week. I never knew this before, but what I saw, was definitely evidence of what I am speaking of. Were you aware that as recent as of last week that there was a Hispanic person in space? See, you didn't’t even know that did you. Yup, it’s true. For quite some time Edward James Olmos has been in space. Ok, so yeah it was on the TV show Battlestar Galactica but please believe me that it says something.

Of course it does, this is a huge step for Hispanic Americans as was Kunta Kinte helping to pilot the Starship Enterprise some years ago. Ok, so Kunta was blind, and even with his disability he overcame obstacles and triumphed. Kunta never let something as trivial as eyesight prevent him from soaring. He may not have seen outer space, but dammit he was there. Just like Edward James Olmos was there, Kunta was there. This says a lot and sends a positive message to Hispanic kids. Because of this, Hispanic kids now know they too can grow up to go into space and fight weird looking alien beings from other planets across the border.

Ironically, there was a Black woman in space before Kunta who went by the name Lt. Uhuru on Star Trek back in the late 60’s. I guess it took a while for the brothers and Hispanics to catch up. Oh well, we’re there now. Proving once again that before Barack Obama, minorities have been doing big things. I guess this combined with the news of the first all female Black airline flight crew recently just proves that the sky is the limit for minorities; especially the ones who reside south of the border. Somehow somewhere, I’m sure even Lou Dobbs has to crack a smile. Now all we have to do is find Phillip Michael Thomas and get him back on track.

Watch out Buck Rogers…

We’re coming.

Next Up In Celebrity Beatdown News

So like, I bet you don't recognize this dude in the pic above. I know, he looks like one of those dudes in those before and after pics of meth users, right? Yeah, I guess it's safe to say that this would be his after picture. He's not exactly a celebrity per se, but you've seen him on TV on countless occasions.

Still don't recognize him, huh? Ok then, well read on:

"Meet Vince Shlomi. He's probably better known to you as the ShamWow Guy, the ubiquitous television pitchman who has been phenomenally successful peddling absorbent towels and food choppers. Shlomi, 44, was arrested last month on a felony battery charge following a violent confrontation with a prostitute in his South Beach hotel room. According to an arrest affidavit, Shlomi met Sasha Harris, 26, at a Miami Beach nightclub on February 7 and subsequently retired with her to his $750 room at the lavish Setai hotel. Shlomi told cops he paid Harris about $1000 in cash after she "propositioned him for straight sex." Shlomi said that when he kissed Harris, she suddenly "bit his tongue and would not let go."

Shlomi then punched Harris several times until she released his tongue. The affidavit notes that during the 4 AM fight Harris sustained facial fractures and lacerations all over her face. After freeing his tongue, a bleeding Shlomi ran to the Setai lobby, where security summoned cops. Harris refused to cooperate with officers, who recovered $930 from her purse. "Both parties had a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from their persons," police reported.

Shlomi was also injured during the fracas and, court records show, was treated at Mount Sinai Medical Center. While Shlomi and Harris were both arrested for felony aggravated battery, prosecutors this month declined to file formal charges against the combatants. Police records list Shlomi's occupation as "Marketing," but make no mention of his affiliation with the ShamWow or the Slap Chop, both of which sell for $19.95 (plus shipping and handling)" - SOURCE

Yup, doesn't look anything like him doesn't it? See what happens when you buy a ShamWow? Matter of fact, if you pay attention to the commercial next time its on. You'll notice a testimonial from probably the second woman to appear giving one. She's a really older looking woman, and she always seems too excited about the ShamWow. She’s always been suspect in my book. Well, now the truth's out there, if you buy a ShamWow and use it, you turn into an alcohol enraged horny maniac...

who looks like a meth-head.

[Hat-tip to AverageBro.com]

Black Men in Drag, Internet Trolls, & Steve Harvey

As this blog is quickly approaching the one year old mark, I can't help but to think of its progression. Not that it has grown in leaps and bounds or anything, but it being a work in progress I often wonder who the hell is reading this crap that I write. My reader comments have picked up substantially from a year ago, and for that I am thankful. However, looking back at the stuff I have written, there are a few blogs I wish I could take back. You know, kinda like the way a person regrets saying something that they said? Yeah, kinda like that.

Well, there is this one blog in particular that I wrote some time ago. Yes and this blog bugs the shit out of me to this day. The blog is titled "Women with Tattoos". I don't know if you've had the chance to read or see it but it was from way back. So what about the blog you hate RiPPa? What could it be that you said? You know how you don't usually care about whatever comes out of your
mouth or fingers? Yeah I know, I'm usually like that, but this one here is different. Well, you see, to this day, I get a lot of traffic to this site because of that blog. I'm not playing; that post gets a lot of hits - if you haven't read it I suggest you click the provided link above (shameless plug). So why would you want us to go read that post RiPPa if you regret it? Trust me; you have to go read it to understand.

You see, the subject of the post was the picture of a woman with
a tattoo of a penis on her chest. You know, just above her cleavage? Yeah, right there. I found that pic online, and I just had to write about it. What bugs me now is that people are still hitting that post every single day. Why? Because of the picture I used. Yup, I suspect that the people hitting that post are all thirsty ass trolls lurking the Internet for women. Why do I think that? Because they never leave any damn comments on the thing! They probably do a search on Google for Black women with penis tattoos on their chests because they're into that sort of thing, and voila′, up pop my post. The messed up part about it is that they probably don't read the post, and now they think I'm a Black woman with a penis tattoo on my chest. I swear I hate people who don't read.

Speaking of which: why and how does Steve Harvey have the number one book on the New York Times bestseller list for like the last 4 weeks? No seriously? This guy has a book called: Think Like a Lady, Act Like a Man. Why you hatin RiPPa? No I ain't hatin. I think it's a valid question. Of course, my girl fungke blak chik wrote about this last week, and yes it was hilarious, and yes I agree with her stance on him going from comedian to relationship expert. My question is: who are the women reading this book? I mean, a few weeks ago, Tyler Perry had the number one movie in the country for consecutive weeks. Yup, and I doubt his movie was number one and made the type of money it did because of overwhelming support from Black people. Keeping it real? I think that movie blew up because of White audiences. Seriously, I doubt people were storming the theaters to see just how foine little "Rudy" from "The Cosby Show" has grown up to be.

Call me naive, but I never knew that White people have a thing for Black men in drag going to prison. So what does that have to do with Steve Harvey RiPPa? Well, other than the fact that I think his big ass head is Photoshop on somebody else's body in the pic above (that plus the fact that he looks like a jug of orange Kool Aid), I just don't believe that there are that many Black women buying this book. I'm willing to bet that a vast reason for the success of his book has to do with White women. Huh? Yeah, I think White women are buying his book. I mean hell; he did appear on Oprah twice pushing the book didn't he?

So why would White women be buying that book RiPPa? Ain't like White men are not marrying their asses, right?!!

Well, maybe the White women have an inner Mandingo fetish like I mentioned in this blog a while ago. Or maybe they all (Black women included) have seen the promotional pics like the one above and think Steve's old ass, with his five foot tall teeth, is naked in the book, and tells jokes in it?! Hell I don't know. I do know if I was a woman, that I wouldn't be taking relationship advice from some dude who's been married like three times, and cheated on his wife. But then again, maybe just like the people who troll the Internet for women with penis chest tattoos, they don't actually read.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

If Only We Could Be Spearchuckers Again

Way back in the day, well before we were known as Niggers, Negroes, and subsequently African Americans, we were known as Spearchuckers. It was meant as a derogatory term as did most other terms used to describe Blacks of African descent in America. But you know what? I do not think Spearchucker is a bad term. Actually, I wish we were Spearchuckers today, or rightfully called that in a literal sorta way.

Ok, bear with me as I explain. You see, way back when, when Africans lived on that other planet called Africa, we carried spears as a weapon, right? I was not there, but I suspect, that back in the day in Africa, a Black man without a spear was as worthless as a Black man without a job and unable to pay his child support today. Yup, possessing a spear was important, without it, there was no food, or means of defending the homies in your crew from some other crew that claimed to either be a Crips or Bloods, or whatever. Plus, I seriously doubt the chicks took a Black man without a spear seriously. I mean, why would she if he cannot even bring home a rhino or elephant periodically, right?

Some where along the line, some White guy decided to show up in his space ship on planet Africa. Being from another world, and not knowing what he would run into, he carried with him what was known as a gun. And you know what happened? The White guy being forever the forward thinker, decided to trade his guns for a few Africans (who were sitting in the county jail) to give them their freedom to come help said White guys tend to his flower garden. Was not that so nice of the White guy who landed on planet Africa? Of course the ever so curious African do-gooders accepted the guns as bail money. Yup, and the rest is history as they say.

This is why I always say that the gun, is worst invention known to man. Yup, Africans got guns in exchange for other Africans. Then, they put down their spears, (which made it even easier to be kidnapped) and now White people are using spears in a Olympic sport called the Javelin. Ain't that a bitch? And now here we are centuries later, Black people here in America are killing one another in record numbers every year by using a guns.

If we Black people of African descent here in America had spears, there would more than likely be less murders or Black on Black crime. I mean lets face it, the Bloods & Crips in Africa never really ran around doing throw bye's, and killing innocent bystanders like they used to do out in L.A. back in the 90's did they? Seewhumsayin? I mean, just keeping it real, a spear is kinda hard to hide and tuck into the small of your back under a jacket.

Seriously, I think it would be quite uncomfortable to carry a concealed spear. Yeah, you just cannot expect to sneak a spear up in the club, and shit just like that. Are you crazy? And what would that mean for the Black community? Less Black on Black crime, or in particular murders. Not just that, but less cops harassing Blacks like they do looking for guns. Yup, no more racial profiling and all of that racial shit, and we would all be able to live in peace and harmony. Yes, life in America would be different for us folks of African descent if they had just left their guns at home. Now all we have to do is figure out how all these guns get onto our streets everyday.

Can you take a guess how they do?

Friday, March 27, 2009

Since When Did Raping A 12yr Old Girl Make You A Hero

This is the stuff I was afraid was going to come out of this. Yes, I told you folks days ago that people were going to use this as an opportunity to politic. I swear, sometimes my "cousins" disappoint me. Do you they really think that White America is going to take us seriously?

I'm all about protesting for justice, socially, economically and otherwise, but making this guy like the new Negro version of Ghandi, or Jesus on the cross I'm not down with. We shouldn't miss an opportunity to speak out against the savagery that some minorities face on a daily basis when dealing with police officers. But when your poster child is a guy who shot four cops because he didn't want to go back to prison? When the same guy you're using to take a stand was just connected to the rape of a 12yr old child by DNA evidence, where's the sense in that?

Oh, lemme guess, White people are just supposed to all of a sudden stop and feel sorry for us Black people and what we deal with (racial profiling etc.) because of this guy? I mean I know we all look alike and all, but dammit if this isn't some bullshit. One of my pet peeves when I have conversations with my White friends about racism, social injustice etc., is that they often say that Black people are stuck on being victims.

They use this as a defense to the argument that racism still exists. It's an argument that I detest. I will however concede that personal responsibility is in fact important in moving forward. How about we hold people like Lovelle accountable for what he was? Instead of being a hero, or an innocent victim acting out against a system of oppression, how about we just see him for what he was.

That said, it pisses me off when I see and hear shit like this in the following clip. Yes it does. How am I supposed to fight against a system of bullshit, when folks put guys like Lovelle Mixon on a pedestal? Lemme guess, if the cops who pulled him over were Black, they would have exchanged phone numbers, he would have invited them over for BBQ and a few beers, they'd become friends and everything would have been all good? Yup nobody would have died that day, right? What's wrong with our cousins? Can anyone tell me what's wrong with this picture?

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Drug Testing For Food Stamps & Unemployment: Do You Really Want Me To Pee In A Cup?!!

You don't need me to tell you that the economy is jacked up, and things are tough for a vast number of people in this country. You can turn on any news channel for that; that's all anybody on the news any and everywhere is talking about.

There are ongoing debates in political circles as to just how to fix our economic woes. Democrats are intent on spending, and republicans are intent on criticizing every move to spend without offering any sort of plan for recovery.

Well, not so fast ladies and gentlemen. There is at least one republican with a plan, and his name is Craig Blair, a representative in the West Virginia legislature. You see folks, Mr. Blair wants to help this nation, and lift it from its economic doldrums. And what exactly is it that he proposes? Well, he's pushing for legislation that would require recipients of unemployment benefits, food stamps, and or welfare (aka TANF) to be subject to drug testing. Uh huh, he has even gone as far as to set up his own website to fight the good fight: notwithmytaxdollars.com. Ain't that sweet; so appropriately titled.

"Those in favor of the drug tests say they are motivated out of a concern for their constituents' health and ability to put themselves on more solid financial footing once the economy rebounds. But proponents concede they also want to send a message: you don't get something for nothing" - source

You see, I never knew that the drug dealers were the reason this economy is in such turmoil. I mean, why in the world should any gov't agency give people money if all they're going to do is hand it over to a drug dealer, right? Makes sense. Hell, the fallout of the economy is all the fault of the drug dealers?! Gimme a freakin break dude! This proposal is pure bullshit. As a matter of fact, I think its racist, and I think by design they seek to target minorities.

Yes I do think so. You see, these right wing conservatives the likes of Mr. Blair are of the opinion that people on welfare and gov't assistance are living it up. Sure they are. Hell, the great communicator Ronald Reagan was the one responsible for creating the hype about "Welfare Queens" remember? Matter of fact, it was because of them that Bill Clinton's welfare reform had to include this concession back in the 90's.

"The link between public assistance and drug testing stems from the Congressional overhaul of welfare in the 1990s, which allowed states to implement drug testing as a condition of receiving help.

But a federal court struck down a Michigan law that would have allowed for "random, suspicionless" testing, saying it violated the 4th Amendment's protections against unreasonable search and seizure, said Liz Schott, a senior fellow at the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities." - source

Yup, old Ronnie Boy had everyone believing that people on welfare were all living in the projects, driving Caddy's and smoking dope, and happy. Some say it was dramatic hyperbole, but I say it was racist, and akin to the republican southern strategy of Nixon. So what did Reagan do? He cut back on a bunch of well needed gov't programs, and cut taxes on a few of his rich buddies and the rest is history. It's racist! Ask anybody, do a poll if you have to. I promise you, its common knowledge that Blacks and other minorities are the face of "welfare" in this country, in their eyes. Not only that, Blacks and minorities are the scourge of society with all their crack, malt liquor, and that damn hippety hop. Yup, so the free ride is over.

As per statistics from October, there are 31.7 million people on food stamps in this country. There are people who I'm sure have never received public assistance, but due to the economy, here they are. Instead of advocating spending to create jobs, and extend unemployment benefits, these clowns are worried about drug use? What ticks me off even more than that are the people who would say, "I don't want my tax dollars going to some druggie." These same people who use that tired line never have shit to say when money goes towards a trillion dollar war effort (i.e. Iraq & Afghanistan), or to the fat cats in the financial industry. But yet you're worried about the single mom struggling to make it doing drugs?

"Similar proposals have arisen periodically since federal welfare reform in the 1990s. But the appearance of a cluster of such proposals in the midst of the recession shows lawmakers are newly engaged about who is getting public assistance.

Particularly troubling to some policy analysts is the drive to drug test people collecting unemployment insurance, whose numbers nationwide now exceed 5.4 million, the highest total on records dating back to 1967." - source

I'm pretty sure some of you reading this would agree to this policy. Some of you are probably thinking, "well if I gotta take a drug test for a job, so should they." Well, testing for a job and testing randomly to continue to receive benefits are two different things. Why should I have to be drug tested to receive a benefit that I have paid into through weekly deductions from my paycheck? What's next, I have to have a drug test before I can receive my tax refund? Mind you, I'm not advocating drug use. I'm merely on the side of practicality and what's right. And I'm sorry, I thought we were in the middle of an economic crisis, and not a drug war the likes of what's happening along the Mexican border right now.

"Programs that screen welfare applicants by assigning them to case workers for interviews have shown some success without the need for drug tests. These alternative measures offer treatment, but can also threaten future benefits if drug problems persist, she said.They also cost less than the $400 or so needed for tests that can catch a sufficient range of illegal drugs, and rule out false positive results with a follow-up test" - source
There are states that can barely survive right now due to the economic crisis, but yet you want them top pay for drug testing? There are republican governors refusing to take federal state bailout money to extend benefits, but yet they want to spend money on drug testing to determine who gets it and who doesn't? I'm no Albert Einstein, but that doesn't seem to make sense to me. But hey, this is America. A place where the little guy, or the nice guy, unlike the cut throats in big business and gov't always finishes last.

QUESTION: Are you for or against this legislature, and why?

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

My Apologies To White America: I Now Hereby Denounce My Blackness

I'm going to turn 39yrs old this summer. In reflecting upon my upbringing and my acquisition of knowledge or what I have come to know, and learn, I must say, I owe White people a lot. Seriously, if it wasn't for White people I wouldn't know as much as I do now about, well, everything I know.

What, you thanking the White man now RiPPa? That ain't no Black Power move! Hell you sounding like an Uncle Tom boot licking Negro dawg! You's a damn sellout now RiPPa?!!

Yeah I know, that's probably how I sound, but hey, it's with good reason so bear with me. You see, I realized that much gratitude is owed to White people when I was embattled in another heated debate with an older White woman last night.

You see, this woman taught me last night that the clenched fist that we Black people embrace as a symbol of empowerment, solidarity etc., was really and truly a symbol of hate. Uh huh, all this time here I thought the Black Power fist as we Black people have affectionately come to embrace, was a symbol of hate? Who knew?

I also learned from this woman that the Black Panther Party of the 60's were a group of communist radicals, who were trouble makers, and went around beating up White people and shooting cops. As a matter of fact, this woman was right when she suggested that us Black people adopt a newer image other than the Black Fist to represent us, because it was too offensive.

Yup, this is what I learned, and I am thankful that the Lord brought this woman in my path to impart such knowledge upon me. Because you see, if it wasn't for her, I would continue down the road of life, with the understanding that the Black fist, The Black Panthers, Black Power, the Civil Rights Movement, and all that other Black stuff was a source of pride for me, and the rest of the Black community.

If it wasn't for her, I would have to continue living the lie that was the Black Power Movement, and all other movements in Black history. You know, free lunch, protecting citizens within the urban landscape from racist policemen and drug dealers alike? Yeah, that was a lie, and the Black Panthers did no such thing. They were in fact trouble makers, and deserved to be deemed public enemy number one, and brought down through COINTELPRO.

Yeah, all of that was a lie, and thanks to this woman, I am now shameful to have been associated with such negative images under the guise of revolutionary change, economic and Black political empowerment. For that, I am so sorry White people. What can I say, I was misguided all these years. Uh huh, and it's because of trouble makers like Huey P. Newton, Stokely Carmichael, Bobby Seale and others that I am the racist pig that I am.

You see, I was educated by this woman last night - a White woman - that I need to step into the 21st century because all of those so-called movements of the 60's geared towards justice, civil rights, self-defense, and all that Black Is Beautiful stuff was all hate filled. That's right, none of that meant anything, or was well intended for the advancement or installment of Black pride.

In fact, up until last night, I used to think that there was a system of racism that permeates our society historically with the intent on holding back people of color. Thanks to this 57yr old White woman wise beyond her years, I now know that it is us Black people who are responsible for our condition. Yup and just in case there was ever another Civil War in America, I'm going to fight alongside my White brothers and sisters in the south. Uh huh, everybody knows that if the southern confederates won the war back in the day, currently things would be better for us as a people.

So now today, as an act of contrition, I would like to apologize to all White people and say that I am so sorry for my mis-education. I sincerely apologize for living the lie, and carrying the torch of hate. Matter of fact, I'll even go as far as to denounce my Blackness. Yes, from here on out, until I die, I'm not going to be Black anymore. From here on out, I am going to be White. It is my hope that you can accept me into the fold that is America as such.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Michelle Obama Is a Bitch & She Looks Like James Brown

Yeah I know, disturbing title right? Well, those are not my thoughts. Actually its a summation of how right wing writer Burt Prelutsky over at TOWNHALL.COM referenced her in his article Let Us Not Praise Famous Men - Or Women. Here's the excerpt of what he said that is pertinent to this discussion:

"Take Michelle Obama…please. Every time I turn around, there she is on a magazine cover. Now, normally, like the Mafia, I lay off the spouses, but inasmuch as this particular spouse attended the same racist church as her hubby for 20 years, I’ll make an exception in her case. After all, in spite of the fact that affirmative action got her an Ivy League degree and a $7,000-a-week salary and, moreover, has sent billions of dollars for no particularly good reason to Africa, she insists this is a mean country. The burning question in my circle is: if the First Family gets a female dog, will she be the First Bitch or will she have to settle for second place?" - Burt Prelutsky

Now you guys know how edgy I can be, and by now you know I have a sense of humor. You know this, right? Yes, I love a good laugh and I painstakingly do my best to always provide you folks with a good laugh every now and then. Well, to me, this shit above isn't funny, and neither is this next jab taken by the same writer in the same article:

"Naturally, the left-wing media is now trying to convince us that this James Brown-look-alike has all the allure, glamour and fashion sense of Jackie Kennedy." - Burt Prelutsky

Now, if this was just some yahoo talking out the side of his ass, I wouldn't even care. But the fact that these words were written on a website that is owned by a Christian Radio Network which leans heavily to the right with their politics is cause for concern. I mean, when did Christians become racist? What ever happened to "Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world, red and yellow BLACK and white, they are precious in his sight...", aww hell you know the rest. Yeah whatever happened to that?

Oh lemme guess, Jesus loves everybody in the world unless you happen to be Black and living in the White House and leader of the free world, right? So like, this Jesus guy and his daddy pretty much sanctioned the invasion of Iraq by appearing in a dream to George Bush, causing death and destruction, but yet he doesn't like Michelle Obama's arms? Wow, what a critic this Jesus guy and his followers are. I say critic because using the word hypocritical would be so wrong of a description.

Oh by the way, here's one last shot from another article from the same Jesus loving writer on the same Jesus loving website:

"If we were a racist society, Oprah Winfrey, your fairy godmother, certainly wouldn't be a billionaire; she'd be fetching someone's mint julep. And Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice wouldn't grow up to be secretaries of state; they'd be sweeping out the stables. And Will Smith and Denzel Washington wouldn't be movie stars; they'd be in the fields picking cotton." - Burt Prelutsky

Damn, I'm so glad they cleared that all up because I was just about to call the author who made the Michelle Obama/James Brown connection racist. Oh well, I guess its true that all Black people look alike. Yup, we sure do and that has nothing to do with being racist. Hell, if this country were racist, Will Smith would be still picking cotton. It would appear that the Jesus loving website has since retracted the "she's a bitch" line because it's no longer in the piece. I guess this was due in part by the vigilance of Chris Kelly, over at Huffington Post for his expose.

God Bless America!

(sorry Jeremiah Wright)

Monday, March 23, 2009

Lovelle Mixon: Not Your Average American Idol

Listen up Black people: Tony "Scarface" Montana wasn't real, and Tupac is dead, OK? So, did you get that Black people? Yes, I know how some of you idolize these images and persona's. Yes I do, and yeah, maybe hip hop is to blame for it a little bit, but those two people were both figments of the imagination of someone intent on making some money. That said, would you stop it with the worship already?! I swear before God and four fat Negroes with Al Sharpton's perm that this shit has to stop.

Of course I like the movie "Scarface", and yeah, Tupac was a hip hop legend. But when you people look to Lovelle Mixon as some type of hero or martyr for killing those four cops in Oakland, this weekend, people like these folks right here are stupid. Lovelle Mixon was no hero. Although I never knew the guy, I'm pretty sure its safe to say that he never did shit for his community. I'm just saying, if he did, we would have already known about the dude. As far as I've heard, its not like he was a Black Panther or someone the likes of the Black men and women who sought justice back in Oakland circa the 1960's. I mean, we're not talking about Mumia Abu-Jamal. Lovelle Mixon is what one can appropriately term: a menace to society.

What we do know about him, is that he was on parole, and had an extensive criminal background. From what I read in this article right here, he was questioned as a suspect in a murder, and did time in prison (6yrs) for assault with a deadly weapon during an armed robbery. And why did he make the conscious decision to blast at the cops after a routine traffic stop? Because he knew there was a warrant for his arrest for violating his parole, for skipping out on a meeting with his parole officer.

"This is a strange one," said Oakland police Capt. Steve Tull, who is overseeing the investigation. "We don't know what his motivation is." If authorities found he had violated the conditions of his parole, Mixon would have faced at most six months in prison, Tull said.

Mixon "weighed six months" against his own life and the lives of the officers, Tull said.

Relatives of Mixon gathered Sunday morning at an East Oakland home where the parolee had been living until recently. They publicly apologized to the officers' families and said they were shocked by the sudden burst of violence that has devastated their city.

"He's not a monster," said his sister, 24-year-old Enjoli Mixon, who said her 4-year-old daughter's bedroom in a small apartment on 74th Avenue was the scene of much of the bloodshed. It was there, police said, where Mixon fired through a closet wall at a team of SWAT officers, who then shot and killed him. "I don't want people to think he's a monster. He's just not. He's just not."

"We're crushed that this happened," added the gunman's grandmother, Mary Mixon. "Our hearts and prayers go out to the officers' families. ... This shouldn't have happened." - SOURCE

Did his ass have Oscar Grant on his mind when he pulled the trigger? I doubt it. Lovelle's punk ass just didn't wanna go back to prison. Yup, Lovelle obviously took Tupac Shakur's line, "They never take me alive, I'm gettin' high wit ma fo' five" a little bit too seriously. So what did he do? He went out like "Tony Montana". Yep, and he probably yelled, "Say hello to my little friend," when he did. And for his actions, there a few people who herald him as a hero.

Aww RiPPa you wasn't there, so you don't even know how it happened. You know how them cops be lyin' dawg!

You're right, I wasn't there. But I do know that some of my cousins are looking at his actions as payback for the innocent police murder of fellow Oakland native Oscar Grant. I'm all about justice for the family of Oscar Grant - a man who was shot by BART cops and not cops from the city of Oakland by the way - but lets not use the idiotic actions of Lovelle Mixon as a "Fuck The Police" moment. Sure there are people who are still upset about the senseless loss of life of Oscar Grant, but there's no way what this man did was justice for anyone.

If anything, what he did makes it harder for young Black males who are already under police scrutiny, and are consistently racially profiled. That's right, this prick is just what they expect to run up against when on patrol. Uh huh, because of this idiot, cops everywhere are going to expect all Black men to be packing semi-automatic pistols and AK-47's in their buttcheeks. Uh huh, just like this fine citizen, who is now laying dead on a cold slab right about now. I promise you, if silly Negroes start rioting over this fool I'm going to chop somebody in the throat. OK, so I'll never do something like that, but I just might punch my own damn self.

Look, I know his family is probably in pain right now, and yes I feel for them. However, there are four dead police officers who never got the chance to even go home after their shift because of this guy. I don't give a rats ass if he passed out turkeys every Thanksgiving in the hood, this guy was no hero. Hero's save cats from trees, fight social injustice, save lives, and are super-hero's on NBC.

They also do another host of great things, but they damn sure are not the type of people like Lovelle Mixon. I feel for the relatives of the four dead policemen. Yes I do, and yes, cops do get a bum rap because of the shitty ones on the force. Even so, those four cops didn't deserve to die the way they did. I swear...Negroes take this movie shit way too seriously. I just wish for once, that they'd pay attention to the part where the "hero" always dies in the end.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Jesus Needs To Go Ahead And Buy BET

Early Sunday morning sex is the best sex ever. You know that early morning, damn I feel fresh after a good night's sleep sex? Yeah, on an early Sunday morning, it's the best. The only downside to Sunday morning sex is turning the TV on afterward to see some preacher-man talking about the Lord. Yep, after one of the best orgasms of the week, that can be a downer. And that's how my day started today.

After getting out of bed and getting all fresh, I decided to hop in the ride and go to my neighborhood walk track, to get my 2mls in for the day. As I got in the car I turned on my radio instead of my beloved Mos Def CD, "Black On Both Sides". I tuned in to my local hip hop and R&B station - something I almost never do given the type of garbage they play that they call music - but this morning, I did.

Feeling kinda good about myself before I pulled off, I started bobbin my head to the song they were playing. I never heard the song before but it was the same typical southern style Lil Johnesque, Dirty South, straight out of Atlanta garbage. But like I said, I was feeling pretty good so I bobbed my head.

I started listening to the lyrics, and I heard the hook, "rollin down the street with my top down, listening to Jesus music." Huh? Jesus music? Really? On some thugged out sounding shit? Yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking. As I drove off I listened further and it was then I realized that I was listening to a Sunday morning hip hop gospel show. I was stunned. So now I'm wondering, when did Jesus get thugged out? And does he have a grill in his mouth??

Seriously, if I hadn't known any better or cared about lyrical content, I would have thought that what I was hearing was the hottest shit in the clubs today. Yes, the music was seriously like that, and adding a few Lil John yells and screams would have probably made the song a well known hit. Bottom line: the shit was banging! All that was missing was a few choice bitches and hoes referenced here and there, but they did at least stay on message. They did talk about bling, ballin, and the rest of the common elements of hip hop culture, within the music, but they did manage to keep it in perspective by it all being blessings from God.

Oh well, you gotta get with the times if you wanna get your message across I guess. And you gotta get them early. You can't expect some old geezer to be gettin' "crunk" up in church like the kids do with the same tired old Negro spirituals. Way to go Jesus, you and the crew did a good thing. Because if what I read recently is true, Black people are now claiming no religion more than ever before. Yup, there are more Black Atheists today openly than any other time in our American History. According to the American Religious Identification Survey released last week, about 11% of the Black population are not into the whole religion thing like me.

"The first indication of an increase in the percentage of blacks who claim "no religion" was in the 2001 survey, with a jump from 6 percent in 1990 to 11 percent in 2001. In the overall population, the percentage of people claiming to have no religion increased from 14.2 percent in 2001 to 15 percent in the current study.

The trend on "no religion" in the ARIS report is similar to a study released last year by the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life. That report showed that people really are losing their religion; 16.1 percent of Americans say they are not affiliated with any particular faith—double the percentage of people who said they were not affiliated with any particular religion as children." - source

This is why I think Jesus needs to go ahead and buy BET. If Jesus bought BET, chances are, using the musical format I heard today, throw in the already naked women on BET, he could win some much needed Negroes over; especially the young ones. And you know that whatever Negroes deem as hot, "other folks" tend to follow, right? Seriously, if Jesus did it and snatched BET and MTV from Viacom, with a good marketing strategy and campaign, he could make a comeback. You know, kinda like Michael Steele hopes to do with the republican party? Yes, just like that. Uh huh, and Jesus would appear on 106th & Park like Jay Z or Kanye West from time to time.

Of course I don't like the combination of religion and politics, but it really doesn't bother me if people are catching the Holy Ghost up in the club. I mean why not! They do it every Sunday in church after sipping a shot glass of wine. Hell, up in the club, if Jesus was there, there'd probably be less violence, and baby momma drama. Chances are, if MC Jesus told me to "Walk This Way" instead of RUN-DMC back in the day, I may not be so turned off on religion as I am today. Come to think of it, I would have probably been apt to listen to the preacher-man on TV after I had sex this morning.

You can read the full report HERE

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Black Republican Mayoral Hopeful Wants To Bring Back Lynching

Just when I was enjoying another beautiful day on and offline yesterday, I had to run into a story that makes me shake my head in disbelief. And of course, if you know me, it involves some type of racist idiot or some buffoon opening his mouth. Thanks to the always insightful good work provided by the blog Electronic Village, and fellow members of the AfroSpear, I have this to share with you.

See the guy in the pic above? His name is George Lambus, and he lives in Jackson Mississippi. Well, ole George is running to be elected mayor of the fine city of Jackson. Yep, a city that is predominantly Black. Wanna hear something funny? George is the lone republican candidate. Yep, the only one. It would appear that the republican party has never won a mayoral election in the city of Jackson in modern history. Matter of fact they've all but given up on the city. Not only that, it appears that they're not standing behind George either.

You see, apparently the city of Jackson has a severe problem with crime. So much so that the current mayor is facing federal charges for civil rights violations when he accompanied his police officers, with a sledge hammer in tow busting in crack houses. So yeah, it would appear that things are tough in Jackson as far as crime and something has to be done about it. You know what George proposes to do to help fight crime?

"Crime can only be alleviated by a noose and a stout tree limb," - George Lambus

That's right. It seems that Mr. Lambus should he be elected takes the crime problem very seriously. Serious enough to suggest bringing back lynching. Oh, and if you think I'm making this up because I have a certain disdain for Black Republicans, you're wrong. George has been handing out flyeres around his city with this proposal on them clear as day.

"Look at recent history, like in South Africa, when apartheid was abolished," Lambus said in a recent interview with The Associated Press. "Blacks went on a crime spree. Other blacks got tired of it ... and they formed vigilantes and they killed people. It brought the crime down."

His pistol nearby as he peered out a window at his decaying Jackson neighborhood, Lambus added: "When you cut your yard, carry a gun. When you go to church, carry a gun. When you go to school, carry a gun."

Lambus also asserts that executions are the only way to control crime, adding "If we look at the Bible, from Genesis to Revelation, it's driven with blood." - Source

Yep, George Lambus is what I have come to refer to as a Slave Catcher. Yes, any Black man who supports, or suggests something or a policy, as he has when it comes to crime - in a city that is predominantly Black? - has to be known as a Slave Catcher in my book. If we were to all hop into a time machine and go back to the slavery days on a plantation, I'm sure George would have been the one Negro who took pleasure in publicly whipping fellow slaves. Hell, he was probably the dude who cut off Kunta Kinte's foot for running away.

Look, I hate crime as bad as the next man, but I'd be damned if I'd be comfortable with hearing someone suggesting bringing back lynchings, as a form of punishment. In Mississippi of all places?!! Clearly, this man is a fool. Truly a misguided Negro he is, and that's not just because he's a Black republican. Contrary to what Georgie Porgie thinks, studies have shown that the Death Penalty has done very little as a deterrent to crime or more specifically, violent crime. As a matter of fact, states with no death penalty share lower homicide rates. Maybe that's why Governor Bill Richardson of New Mexico decided to sign the abolition of the death penalty the other day.

I have to give the republican party credit though. Yes I do.
The Mississippi Republican Party is not supporting Lambus. GOP Chairman Brad White said Lambus' message doesn't reflect "the values that we represent." Will these Black republicans stop being an embarrassment to the party of Lincoln at least if not to their race? Of course nobody is taking this clown seriously - which is a good thing - but I'd be damned if a hot cup of Negro Please isn't in order for him and his idiocracy.

Friday, March 20, 2009

So What You Got An Afro Under Your Armpits

You know what I'd like to know? I'd like to know who in the hell made up the rule about women shaving under their armpits. Who made up that rule? Who was the person that first did it, and signed it into law. Was it the same person who decided that shaving the pubic area, and giving it the Kojak look was the way to go? Seriously, I'd really like to know. Personally, I think the only reason to "go bald" is if you have a receding hairline like Wayne Brady. But err, it's not like anyone sees under your arms, nor your pubes.

Chances are, most of the women reading this will say that the woman in the clip above is nasty for not shaving under her arms. I'm pretty sure some of the guys will feel the same way as well. Interestingly though, none of the men will ever admit to not having sex with a woman because she was too hairy. For real though, what man do you know would turn down an opportunity to have sex with a woman because he found Dr. J's fro under her arms. I know I wouldn't.

And speaking of too hairy: if its nasty and unattractive for a woman not to shave, how many women would be accepting of a man choosing to shave his pubes or keep his pubic area completely shaven? Ok, so I'm not a woman, but if I were, having sex or seeing a man look like an 8yr old with a very big penis would be a turnoff? Dammit, you're supposed to have hair down there. Personally, I find the woman in the clip above attractive. But hey, that's just me. Yes, I have a thing for hairy women. Now, when you're talking about the hair on her legs poking out of a pair of tube socks, umm, that's a little too much.

Apparently some of the people who saw the video above felt the need to comment and contact this woman (on YouTube) with their displeasure. In the next clip she justifies why she doesn't shave. You know what? I'm kinda feeling her in her response. It has to be liberating to do or go against societal standards of beauty. You know, kinda like the Afro being a symbol of rebellion or Black Power back in the day? The only thing that bugs me about her is that she has this long ass weave on her head and her underarms are unshaven. I mean, I could be wrong, but if you have an afro under your arms, why in the world do you have a weave?

So do women shave because, well, some guy said it was nasty? Or do they shave because some woman decided that it was what's best? Somebody lemme know please. Because if there really is no medical benefit to shaving your armpits and pubic area, isn't it, well, kinda dumb?You know, kinda sorta like buying clothes for your pets? India Arie had a song a while back where she said "I am not my hair." Women, Black women in particular took to this as a song of female empowerment. I thought it as pretty cool at the time. But did they ever stop to think of which hair the woman was singing about?

Thursday, March 19, 2009

The New Face of Crime In America

I think its time for me to weigh in on this whole AIG executive bonuses debacle. Yes, it's all the rage in the media for the last few days. And by rage, I mean rage. Yes folks, White people are pissed. Everywhere you go in America right now, the Caucasian non-minority all have something to say about the doling out of executive bonuses to an all but failed insurance company. It's really scary right now, and I suspect that reminiscent of abortion clinic bombings, don't be surprised if UnaBomber style assaults make a comeback.

And you know who's to blame if this happens? The media. That's right, RiPPa calls it like he sees it, and its the media to blame. Look, its bad enough that we hear all the doom and gloom surrounding the economic crisis. If that in itself doesn't scare the shit out of people, adding fuel to the flames of fear, in steps the story of AIG. Fortunately, this AIG shit doesn't even phase Black people. Lets be honest: brothers and sisters ain't gettin it like that. Bonus? Hell, we'd be glad if we could get "Nino Brown" to handout Turkeys in the hood like it's Thanksgiving.

Trust me, nothing gets White people pissed more than them being robbed by other White people. Robbed by Black people? Well, they expect that, and they usually clutch their purses, lock their car doors, or just cross the street to avoid us. So yeah, that's no big deal. But when another White person steals borrows billions of dollars like Bernie Madoff? They loose their freakin minds. Uh huh, and add to the mix the fact that there are people being rewarded with bonuses by a company that is surviving off of tax payer dollars? I think to say that White America has had it is an understatement. And to make matters worse, 52 recipients of the "retention bonus" have left the company. Yup, they took the money and ran.

Seriously, its as though all the criminals are White all of a sudden. If you're Black, that's a good thing, and if you think like me you're probably thinking its about time brothers went on vacation from the perp walk. But no, not White people. They're enraged and they're going to do something about it. You damn right, they even have watch parties around the country where they talk about this mess. Oh you don't believe me?

Ok, check out this clip...

You see that? They are going to take the country back by God. Did you see Glen Beck doing his Jimmy Swaggart impersonation? Uh huh, they have had enough of this bullshit, and just like the founding fathers, they are going to claim this country as theirs. Nothing wrong with that if you ask me. Hell, I think its a good thing. My only question is where was this outrage when, oh, somewhere near, or over $1 trillion was spent in the war effort over the last 8yrs? I guess it was cool to spend that type of money when the enemy was or is, those people. But when the enemy is one of your own?

You see, us Black people are not like that. When we should be equally outraged and show it, when it has to do with stuff like Black on Black crime, or even the discouraging rate of unemployment for Blacks relative to Whites, we're very quiet. When CNN breaks news every 15 minutes about new unemployment figures, Black folks aren't even phased. It's almost like we've accepted our place or condition. And what do we do? We wait for Tavis Smiley to host his State of The Black Union conference with Wells Fargo as one of its sponsors. Sadly, many of us don't even know or make noise about the fact that Wells Fargo had a hand in predatory lending.

Oh well, life can be clearly defined as a series of peaks and valleys, and I guess in my eternal optimism, I have to say that all of this too shall pass. Hopefully, us Black folk can take a que from our non-minority brethren and make moves. You'd think it should be easy for us since we have a well documented history wrought with civil protests, and activism. Hopefully White America's outrage doesn't spill over into becoming racially motivated as they feel like they're losing ground. Of course it might be a little too late for that and we have Barack Obama to blame. Lets just hope that things get cleaned up under his watch, and we can all be friends again. Yeah, I really hope that we all become friends again. Uh huh, its bad enough that us Black people have to worry about getting robbed by White people as well as the Negroes among us.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c
The New White Face of Crime
Daily Show Full EpisodesImportant Things w/ Demetri MartinPolitical Humor

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Take Your Ass Back To Europe!

I'm going to do things a little bit differently when I communicate with people online as well as offline. I'm going to be audacious in my exchanges from here on out. Well, you're already kinda like that RiPPa. Yeah, I know I am, but I have to admit, I tend to lean towards the politically correct, or diplomatic way of handling things. I must say that I have finally come to the realization that sometimes, especially on the internet, it just doesn't work.

You see, I found that most people on the internet, be it blogging, commenting or whatever, just talk for the sake of hearing themselves talk. That said, I think it's time for me to take a page out of our president's playbook: The Audacity of Hope. That's right, I will now from here on out have the audacity to challenge stupidity, and I will choose to do so in a rather audacious way.

Case in point: I've been engrossed in an ongoing debate with a few people on a forum on the situation between the Palestinians and the Israeli's. It was bad enough that I had another Black man tell me that the Palestinians were getting the treatment they deserved, and that if they don't like it, they should just leave and go back to their homeland.

[insert blank stare]

Negro What??!!!

Uh huh, that's what this Black man said. Oh yeah, he continued to say that the land there was always known as Israel, and was owned and ran by the Jewish people, and was never called Palestine. Yup, he said Palestine never existed. So like I said before, it was bad enough that I was hearing this support for a system of apartheid from a Black man. A Black man who has openly proclaimed his disgust for the judicial system and the Prison Industrial Complex in this country, him having been a convicted felon at one time.

So yeah, after this Slave Catcher said all of that in steps this older White woman who co-signed everything he said. Now, never mind the fact that I provided them with substantial evidence that showed that the area now referred to as Israel, though not then a sovereign nation, was for a very long time known as Palestine. Yeah, never mind that. Also, never mind the fact that for centuries in that region Christians, Muslims, and Jews existed in peace and harmony, with Jews and Christians being an obvious minority. Yup, none of that mattered, nor did the fact that Muslims and Jews in that region have a shared genealogy.

Like I said, none of those facts mattered, and the "Palestinians" need to take their asses back to their homeland. Oh yeah, and never mind the fact that in Israel, most of the Jews there are descendants of the Khazarian Empire of Eastern Europe who converted to Judaism as opposed to the "Israelites" or Hebrews who were led out of Egypt and settled in the land called Canaan as proclaimed in the bible.

Damn RiPPa how can you be so foolish to present all those fact?

I know right?

So after all of that, and them both still not understanding that their view is largely shaped by biased media coverage by being in America - it's no mistake or misunderstanding where the United States allegiance lies - you know what I did? I told the White woman that she needs to take her ass back to Europe. Huh? That's right, that's exactly what I told her. I also told that silly Negro that he also should take his Black ass back to Africa. The White lady got pissed, and told me that her forefathers fought to build and create this country, so she has a right by birth to be here and not in Europe.

You know what I did after she said that? I laughed my ass off. I laughed because I could just imagine the look on her face after being told by a Black man to go the fuck back to Europe. I ain't gonna lie, it felt kinda good saying it to her too. It felt so good that I'm considering adding that line to my repertoire. That's right, next time I hear any Caucasian bitching about anything. Guess what I'm gonna tell them. Go the fuck back to Europe. Hell, for years Black people have been told that if they don't like the way things are in America they should go back to Africa. And they often tell you that shit as if Negroes came over here First Class on the Queen Victoria or on some luxury cruiseliner like that.

The nerve of that woman saying what she said. She has a "right" to be here, but the Palestinians, unlike her, never mind them being born there, should go back to their homeland? Yeah, go back to the same homeland they currently are being forced to live in under the rule of apartheid. That White privilege thing is a trip ain't it? Oh yeah, after I showed her all of that, in her righteous indignation she exchanged some pleasantries with me and got to steppin. The Black dude? That self loathing bastard still didn't get it. Yup, he told me that Black people are better off here than in Africa because, well, White people saved us. Uh huh, that's what was said by the same Negro who is known for bitching about Black men being in prison.

The thing that gets me is how in this country, some people feel like they have the privilege to tell people what the fuck they should do when it comes down to it, but yet they scream about freedom and equality. Yup, just like the White teacher who was recently suspended after he told a Black student, "GO BACK TO AFRICA!" So yeah, from here on out, I'm gonna be just like those people. I'm going to be the most audacious Negro than I have ever bneen. You damn right I am. Please believe, I have no problem telling people where THEY should go. And yes, I may use a few choice words when doing so.

BTW, if you're interested in learning the truth about the Palestinian/Israeli conflict...

watch the following video...

Occupation 101

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The Truth About Bin Laden That Barack Obama Is Hiding

Look, a lot of you after reading this are going to think I'm crazy. I also think that some of you would think I should be committed to a state run hospital where patients wear tin foil on their heads. That's cool, but I feel its my duty to share with you people the truth as I always do. No longer can I sit idly by as you people accept what's told to you by our government. It is my hope that more Americans are brave like me to come forth and lead fellow Americans towards the light. Having said that, I want you to pay attention to what I have to tell you.


Osama Bin Laden is a Leprechaun.

Yes, it's true, and it's time you people knew it. You see for years we've been lead to believe that this man - the face of everything evil in this world - was a Middle Eastern terrorist. But this image of that man is so far from the truth. So why or how do you know this RiPPa? Well you see, it's not that I'm a conspiracy theorist, I was Christened Catholic. And yes I was, named after St. Patrick. Today being St. Patty's day, I see it fit to come forth with the proper information concerning this man.

Ok, here's something to think about. Bin Laden recently released a new audio, right? Yes he did. And he just celebrated a birthday not too many days ago, right? Uh huh, he's 52yrs old now. Do you think there's any coincidence that he did all of that just in time for St. Patrick's Day? Do you think if he was really Muslim that he would actually be careful enough to do all of this right around the time of the recognition of a Catholic saint? Exactly! If anything, he would have waited until the holy month of Ramadan. But no, instead, he came out with his audio release just to let people know that he was looking forward to celebrating his birthday, and getting sloppy drunk off of green beer, and groping unsuspecting women in bars.


And to think all this time you people thought he was some crazy six foot plus tall jihadist. The fuckin guy is a midget who drinks a lot for crying out loud. Having said that, I seriously doubt that he had anything to do with 9/11. Trust me, people who like to drink (i.e. Irish Midgets aka Leprechauns) are into partying and not death and destruction as our gov't would have you believe. But yet, here we are in Afghanistan, 8yrs later, and still no Bin Laden. Surely in an 8yr time span you would think the military would have found at least one dialysis machine in one of those caves, right? Wrong! Instead, they've found nothing. And now our current president is vowingt to step up the number of troops in Afghanistan.

Don't you think it's strange that a president who was against the war in Iraq, is intent on escalating troop levels in Afghanistan? Especially since we've been there longer than in Iraq?!! Uh huh, I bet you didn't even realize that one, nor do you know why. You see boys and girls, with the economy being as fucked up as it is, you'd think Barack Obama would be against any more spending in the war effort in Afghanistan. He's told us that more troops there are necessary to stabilize the region because it's a breeding ground for the Taliban. Bullshit! The truth is, Obama knows that Bin Laden is a Leprechaun and he's really and truly after his gold just like those Lucky Charm kids.

Yes, the US Gov't is not telling you people that the end of the rainbow is really in Afghanistan. Uh huh, all these years I never knew that until now. Which makes me feel pretty dumb because when I was a kid, I actually tried to chase down a rainbow once but the damn thing kept moving. Trust me people, it might sound crazy, but a pot of gold can do wonders for this economy especially after giving away billions to failed banks. So you see, that's why we're still in Afghanistan, and that's why Obama is going to increase troop levels. Yeah, I know it sounds crazy and almost unbelievable, but hey, our gov't lied to us before about weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Did they not? Of course they did. That said, are you still gonna believe its about terrorism? Hell, for all we know Bin Laden's real last name is probably O'Reilly.

Monday, March 16, 2009

No Mo' Bacon, No Mo' Sausage?

I haven't been to church in a very, very, very long time. Suffice it to say, I'm not a very religious, or spiritual person. However, like anything, stuff pops in and out of my head from time to time of this nature. From what I've been told, heaven is supposed to be a really cool place. I don't know about you, but I don't think living in a place forever singing and praising the lord for eternity is exactly the life. I mean, personally I can only stand being in church for a couple hours. Honestly, I don't understand why it takes some churches all day to do the lords work; anything past 12 noon is a bore, but I digress.

Heaven, though boring sounding in my mind, from all descriptions has to be better than hell. Which brings me to another point or thought: if there was no hell, would heaven be as groovy? Seriously, let me know what you think about that one. But back to heaven. Everything is supposed to be perfect, and all of our ailments are supposed to be removed. Yup, no fake boobs or scars in heaven. Uh huh, no ugly people either. We hear all these great things about the place, but yet we never hear if we're able to have sex in heaven.

Is there sex in heaven?

I mean seriously, this is something I'd like to know. Not trying to be funny, but here on earth, sex sells. It would only seem natural since we all love sex so much, that the ability to have sex would be another one of those selling points in Christianity. I mean think about it, in Islam they get to go to paradise and have sex with virgins. Or at least that's what they're told. That said, is it any wonder why there's a small segment of extremists who are willing to be suicide bombers?

Seriously, all jokes aside, until someone can tell me if I can have sex in heaven, sleeping with virgins, if my wife isn't there, sounds like a not so bad idea. I mean, I've masturbated enough here on earth, it would be a shame if something like that had to continue in heaven. Not only would it be messed up that I'd have to resort to being a part-time chicken choker, and God praiser. It would be really sad if there'd be no more breakfast. Hopefully breakfast is replaced by early morning sex in heaven. I ain't gonna lie, early morning sex is the bomb son!

Is there sex in heaven?

This lady doesn't seem too enthused about heaven... I wonder why?

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Singing Your Song: An African Custom

When a woman in a certain African tribe knows she is pregnant, she goes out into the wilderness with a few friends and together they sing, chant, and meditate until they hear the song of the child. They recognize that every soul has its own vibration that expresses its unique flavor and purpose. When the women attune to the song, they sing it out loud. Then they return to the tribe and teach it to everyone else.

When the child is born, the community gathers and sings the child's song to them. Later, when the child enters education, the village gathers and chants the child's song. When the child passes through the initiation to adulthood, the people again come together and sing. At the time of marriage, the person again hears their song.

Finally, when the soul is about to pass from this world, the family and friends gather at the person's bed, just as they did at their birth, and they sing their song as a part of "being with" them at the very end.

In this African tribe, there is one other occasion when it is customary for the villagers to gather and sing a person's song to them. If at any time during their life, the person commits a crime or aberrant social act, the individual is called to the center of the village and the people in the community form a circle around yon. Then they sing their song.

The tribe recognizes that the best correction for problematic behavior is often not punishment; it is love and the remembrance of identity. When you recognize your own song being sung by your own community, whatever threat to your self that may have motivated angry, destructive, or chaotic action is diminished; your identity is reaffirmed and your self regains its cohesiveness; you remember who you are and why you do not wish to cause hurt to members of your own tribe.

A friend is someone who knows your song and sings it to you when you have forgotten it. Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused.

When you feel good, what you are doing matches your song; when you feel awful, it doesn't. You may not have grown up in an African tribe that sings your song to you at crucial life transitions. Yet, even the strongest self requires recognition and validation to remain strong and cohesive. One of the reasons for knowing your song, is to have a community that can help you remember when you are in tune with yourself and when you are not.

In the end, you need to recognize your song and sing it as only you can. You may feel a little "warbly" at times, but so do we all. Remember that no human is an island: at times, everyone needs help to remember their song and to sing it well. Just keep singing until we catch the tune and can sing along. Don't worry! With a little help, you'll find your way home.


[insert ugly record scratch here]

Ok, the last thing I want is for you the reader to think I'm on some preachin' shit, and trynna be deep, and sending a message from the words written above. Hell naw, that's the last thing I wan't y'all to think. Instead, I'm just gonna drop some real ignorant shit like the stuff in the video below. Don't get it twisted, there's no message in the video, nor is there a connection between it and the words expressed above.

Roll clip...


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