Monday, June 30, 2008


I've never been to Mexico, nor have I ever had any desire to go there as an adult. When I was younger, thanks to "The Love Boat" episodes, I wanted to go to Acopulco. I always thought that it was a cool sounding place, and stepping off the love boat as a tourist there meant that I was rich. But outside of that, I'm not feeling that country. Outside of my friend who is now in prison for drug trafficking, I don't personally know anybody who's been to the place. And his only reason for going was to bring back pounds of weed. Not exactly the tourist thing to do, so I declined his invitation to make a run down there with him. But I watch alotta TV, so the only thing I know about Mexico is that the water sucks. You always hear somebody giving the old "Don't drink the water in Mexico" advice. I dunno who was the first guy to visit Mexico from America and died from drinking the water, but I suspect that it has happened. Maybe it was years ago it happened, but you'd think that those Mexicans would've fixed that shit by now.

Last week I went to Indiana & Kentucky for a few days. I used to live of there a few years ago and it had been about 2yrs since I was there last. Needless to say, I was excited to visit the old stomping grounds. Not only that, I was picking up my 14yr old daughter for the summer so that made it extra cool. When I made my first stop in Kentucky after the 6hr drive at my ex's house, I asked for a glass of cold water. After the 2nd gulp, I thought that the water was fuckin nasty as hell. Unlike some people, I love drinking water from the tap. None of that bottled shit for me buddy. Those things come from the mountain springs and they have Bear shit and particles of lost dead hikers in it. So I prefer to stick to tap water where I know they use chlorine to kill the germs from all turds and old bath water. But this glass of water was really nasty and had an after taste.

My next stop was at a friends house in Indiana. I asked for a glass of water, and bingo...same nasty ass water. It was cold, but nasty. I was kinda puzzled because I had know drank 2 glasses of water in two different states and they were funky tasting. I don't have a GPS system in my car but I swore I took a wrong turn and was in Mexico. I mean, I don't remember the water ever tasting like that when I used to live there 4yrs ago. The funny thing, is that when I 1st moved to Memphis I thought the water had a nasty taste unlike the great water in Indiana and Kentucky. I doubt it was just me because my wife said the same thing about the tatse. Now I'm back in Memphis and I know that it was no fluke because the water here tastes great. I was even told that the water here comes from a spring. I don't know how true that is, but it damn sure doesn't taste like it comes from the nasty Mississippi River.

I haven't heard much talk from any of the candidates for president about illegal immigration. I really don't know their take on it, but I'd be interested in hearing how they can fix it. Those people are fleeing Mexico seeking better lives here in America. They're fleeing Mexico because there're better jobs here and they can make more money. Thats what the media tell us. Personally, I think they're just jumping the border to be able to drink better water. Yeah, I'm sure by now they've gotten text messages from relatives telling them just how much better the agua is here. I mean why else would a guy leave his country to come here and pluck chickens in a food processing plant? It damn sure ain't because he loves smelling chicken shit. it has to be that nasty ass Mexican water we've always been hearing about.

We currently have an oil crisis, and gas is costing us out the ass, and there's no end in sight for all of this. Mexico has oil, but yet we import most of our oil and gas from Canada. That sounds ass backwards to me. Our problem is not with Canada, its with oil and Mexico. I say its time we forget about building a fence. Yup. Instead of a fence or deportation, we should cut Canada off, and start importing oil from Mexico along with their dirty water. We'll be able to kill two birds with one stone. Mexico would have more of our dollars; the people would become better off economically, and the illegal Mexicans here would go back home because the water here sucks. In the end, we'll all be happy.

Sunday, June 29, 2008


I've been a resident of Memphis Tn for 2yrs now. My city has the dubious distinction, of being the most obese city in the country. Everywhere I go, I see fat people. Hell, since moving here I've picked up 40lbs. Imagine that! I was already a fat bastard, but moving to Memphis sure as hell didn't help. Now I heard the statistic on the local news, which happened to be the result of research via some gov't agency. I don't always believe everything I hear when it comes to statistics, but it was a recent visit to a resturant here that opened my eyes. A couple weeks ago, our family went out to eat. Now mind you, we don't eat out much, so this was a rare event. We went to a resturant thats fairly new around here. The resturant is called "Chow Time", and was discribed in a commercial as the biggest chinese resturant with a buffet in Memphis. Now I love chinese food. Yup, I love it even as much as black men love Bar-B-cue. I don't care if its dog or cat meat being served. At this point, I've eaten the shit enough to not even care if my plate starts barking. I mean, thats how much I love chinese food, and I'm not playing.

So we pull up to this resturant after getting directions on finding it. My first thought upon parking was just how huge this place was. For a resturant, the building was unusually large in my opinion. Right then and there I knew I was gonna be in chinese food heaven. Upon entereing the resturant, I noticed something weird. As I entered the door, I noticed a sign which had the price of the buffet on it. Nothing unusual about that right? Right! Except, at the bottom of the price list it said that there was a mininum charge of $3 for people sitting at tables and not eating. Either these people are offended that somebody would sit there and NOT eat this great food, or they're conscious of the fact that niggas love gettin over. Don't act like y'all ain't never seen people sharing plates at the buffet. You're probably guilty of doing it yourself. I've seen people pay for one plate and feed a family of five before.

But I digest...!

The city of Memphis is about 70% black so it was no surprise to see nothing but black people in this resturant. The place was huge, and there had to be about a good 200 people patronizing the place. What was surprising tho, is that most of the workers were Mexican, and not Chinese. Of course there were black people working there, but the chinese were the minority. I think I only saw probably 3 chinese chicks working there as waitresses. Ironically, the people working the register was neither black nor mexican. So with this many people I just knew the buffet was gonna be off the hook. Wrong! Wrong! The buffet itself had more American food than chinese food. They had, two sections of the buffet dedicated to Soul Food and your basic Amewrican food, and one half ass section with my beloved chinese food. When I looked at the buffet, I could see that there was a constant line. A line at a buffet? WTF?!! Yeah there was a line. All these fat ass, grease drinking black people were lined up for Soul Food. Can you believe that shit? Who the hell goes to a chinese resturant to eat Soul Food? I know they all couldn't be first timers like me and my family. It was only then that I realized just how fat or obese the people in this city are. I swear, I think I even saw a person drinking straight from the ketchup bottle.

But I Digestive tract...!

I gotta lose weight, and get healthier. Currently its something that I'm working on. At my last doctor visit I even asked my doc about using the diet pill Alli. I'm diabetic so I consult with my doctor on everything. He said that it wasn't a good idea to take that pill because of the side effects. He told me that it cause oily farts. Yeah! He said that it makes you shit alot, and when you fart, oil shoots out of your butt. He tried to convince me that a change in diet and excercise is all I needed without the aid of diet pills. I'm still on the fence about the diet pill thing, but I'm sold on not having oily farts. I think I need to move to Madisonville Ohio. Yeah, I'm gonna move there and do nothing but eat Rally's all day long. Just by doing that I'll lose weight. Don't believe me huh? Well you see, in Madisonville Ohio, at this Rally's fast-food outlet they serve crack with their sandwiches (CLICK HERE TO READ STORY). Yeah, this lady bought a fish sandwich, took it home to eat, and found crack on her sandwich. I saw her interviewed on the news about the experience and I have to say that she should have eaten the sandwich. She looked like she could stand to lose a few pounds. As fat as EVERYBODY in this country is, it might not be a bad idea to start spiking our fast food with crack. We'll all lose weight, and we'll do it without oily farts, shit stains, and diarreah from FDA approved Alli.



Tuesday, June 24, 2008


Last week it was Tim Russert. A few days ago it was George Carlin. Next week who's it gonna be? They say death comes in three's, so my vote has to be Amy Winehouse. Yup, white folks are dying yall. Shit, I'm still trippin about how fast they buried Tim Russert. Hell, James Brown wasn't buried till 7yrs after he died because black folks was trippin. Well maybe not "black folks", but more specifically his family.

Not white people though. They usually have shit lined out early. Unlike us, they don't have to argue about who's gonna get uncle Junebug's porn collection, or his TV that sits on the big TV on the floor. Nor do they have to wait for auntie Doritha to finally get there for the funeral. You know there's always an argument as to who should pay for auntie Doritha's Greyhound bus ticket. But with white people you have none of that. Shit, if it wasn't for an autopsy, they'd bury their dead the next day, and fuck all the drama.

But if Amy Whinehouse dies next week, there'd be no need for autopsy. I mean hell, its no secret that she's a crackhead. A more distinguished crackead I might add. The girl has more grammys than Whitney Houston. Say what you want about Whitney, but at least she wasn't a crackhead before she became famous like Amy Winehouse. This chick is 24yrs old, has one album to her credit, and like 100 grammys for refusing to go to rehab. Now aint that some shit? She was a crackhead before she became a star, and was rewarded for it with fame and millions. Most stars pick up drugs along the way. But not Ms. Winehouse.

Hell I know plenty of crackheads around the way who've been smoking for 20 plus years and they have no such luck. But poetic justice is a muthafucka. Amy Winehouse is sitting in a hospital right now with only 70% of her lung capacity according to doctors. A crackhead? At 24yrs old? Who refuses to go to rehab? With millions in the bank?? Sheeeeeiiiiiit! Thats why I say she'll probably die next week. That chick is smoking the best shit over in London, and never having to worry about sucking dick for rocks. The sad thing about it, is that when she dies people are gonna be sad, and she'll be revered like we lost someone with great talent. You know, kinda like they did when that dude from "Broke Back Mountain" died. You know...whats his name...Macauley Culkin. Yeah, folks are gonna act like she wasn't a crackhead before she became famous. Or that her fame was fueled by being a drug abuser in defiance of help. But yet we turn our noses up at our crackhead relatives, and disown them instead of trying to help them.


So here we are one week past the aquittal of R.Kelly of child pornography charges. Oh yeah, 14 counts of child pornography to be exact. Alot of people are shitty because of the virdict. For the most part, everybody thought that he was guilty. Hell, everybody knew it was him in the tape. The jury themselves never had much doubt as to whether it was him.

He was the celebrity in the tape, and we knew it was him. Thats why he's a celebrity, he's easily recognized. And thats what celebrities want, and thats why millions are spent to market them. Think about it, who wants to be a celebrity without a face. But nobody knew the female in question. She was an alleged 14yr old who was unknownst to the public. A real nobody. She was the alleged child in this case. Hence the child pornography charge for this being a sex act caught on tape.
So who dropped the ball? In my opinion, there was only a ball to be dropped if you believed him to be guilty before even going to trial. But thank God our current judicial system is far different from the COURT OF PUBLIC OPINION. If that was the case, everybody would be guilty and in prison. Lets face it, John Q. Public isn't too kind nor is he objective. And in most cases, the public really doesn't know shit, but yet they run their mouths. Think about all the high profile cases involving celebrities over the years. The celebrities for the most part are assumed to be guilty, and they're almost never given the benefit of the doubt. And we do that because they're celebrities, and for the most part, we wanna see them lose. Yup, we're all haters in that respect. We don't have shit, but we enjoy seeing people lose what they have. Rodney King was a "nobody" caught on tape but we supported him. When those cops were aquitted there were riots in Los Angeles. We all saw him gettin his ass beat by the cops on that tape. But was it really Rodney King?

But this trial hinged on the "nobody". Thats right, the alleged 14yr old. We forgot that it was about her, and focused on R.Kelly. We did that because we wanted to see him go down. Its bad enough that we had to wait 6yrs, but we still wanted to see him fall. But was she really 14yrs old? Was it even her on the tape? I don't know those answers, but those questions were what this case was about. The prosecution carried the burden of proof in this case. It was their job to convince the jury that the "alleged" victim in this case was indeed 14yrs old. From all appearances the prosecution failed. Interviews with jury members revealed that was their point of contention. They were never convinced that the "victim" was ever on the tape, And subsequently, they were unable to return a guilty virdict. Personally now that he's not guilty I think the tape should be formatted and be put on sale like all other celebrity sex tapes. Its not child pornography according to the state of Illinios. Why should Ray J be the only black celebrity with a sex tape gettin all the love?

So here we are, a week later. No riots, no burned out buildings, and no white truck drivers getting a brick upside their heads. R. Kelly walked out of the courtroom a free man. Free to do whatever he wants as limited by the law, and theirs no outrage. No outrage because at the end of the day...NOBODY CARES! This case had nothing to do with race or any other issue that affects us on a grand scale. It was about a celebrity, and a nobody who had sex on tape. Thats it, and thats what it was all about. He was never brought to trial for statutory rape, or anything like that. It was about child pornography. Child pornography is a big no no, but it still exists. You can go to prison for having possesion of child pornography. I saw the tape when it was out and had a copy of it like many people did as well. The tape circulated in the hood as the bootleg tape of the month, and everybody saw it. Never once did anybody question what they were looking at to be child pornography. But yet, they look at R. Kelly as a pedophile.

I've had sex on tape a few times in the past, and did it without any care. Matter of fact, one of the tapes came up missing. I'm just a fat fuck and I'm not a celebrity so who cares. I'm past that phase of my life and I look back at it as some juvenille shit that I got a kick out of. Now that I'm older and wiser, I don't see the attraction in it. Hopefully R. Kelly has changed his mind about having sex on tape anymore. He's getting too old for this shit. But then again, he's like 40yrs old and still rockin braids.



I think its really sad that they have to use race to try and discredit the man. But hey, what else is new here in America. He gave his wife some dap (white folks called it a fist bump) when he won a few weeks ago, and his opponents in the media lost their fuckin minds. All of a sudden they likened the gesture to some terrorist gang sign or some shit like that. But what is it white people do when they meet your black kid for the first time?


For the record, I'm an Obama supporter (wow, I think this is the first time I've said this publicly in the blog world), and I am because given the alternative we'd be fucked. Now mind you, as a black man, I do see fellow black voters who blindly support Obama because of his race. Tho I think its clearly not a good practice, I can understand. Black people for the first time in a long time, have something to be proud of. And lets be real, Obama gives us hope. He gives us a sense that in this America (as fucked up as it has been) there has been change, and the possibilities are endless despite ones economic disadvantage. I say economic because today its more so about the rich and the poor, rather than black and white.

But as far as black supporters, I think there is a sense of blindness when it comes to supporting him. Personally, given the historical significance of his candidacy, its as if he's been annointed to be the Jesus of the black population. And that my friends, I see as very scary. In doing so, its as tho he's without judgement. And in the eyes of many black supporters, he's become infallible. Yes, our savior Barack Obama can do no wrong. He was born to a virgin white mother for crying out loud, and he's our best chance for representation at the highest level.

I'm a little different. Althlough I support the man, I do scrutinize him very well. I carefully listen to his speeches. and I've paid close attention to his agenda. He's selling change and I'm listening real close. Its important to listen closely because politicians are tricky like that. But in my support of him, there is one main area of contention for me...his support of Israel. You see, I'm no Muslim nor am I a Christian. But religious belief aside, I DO know racism and oppression when I see it. And when I look at the situation between Israel and Palestine, I see it. I listened to Obama's speech at the AIPAC (American Israel Public Affairs Commitiee) conference a few weeks ago where he pledged his support for Israel and it bugged me....


How can a black man support the ongoing oppression of the Pelestinians by the Israeli's? I don't hear too many BLACK PEOPLE questioning this, and it bugs me. Am I the only one?

Obama speaks of change, and yes change is needed. But the U.S. gov't has been Israel's bitch for so long, and our gov't has supported Israel in its terrorism of the Palestinians. When Jimmy Carter decided to have a sit down with those Hezbola cats in an effort to bring peace, the U.S. gov't denounced his actions. I thought that was messed up for them to do that. I mean, are we not supposed to be about peace? Maybe I'm wrong, but for Obama to plegde his support for Israel diplomaticaly, militarilly and otherwise doesn't speak of change. This country has been doing this for years. But yet, Obama says that he's willing to have sit downs with our enemies. Not that its a bad idea to do so (he was heavily criticized for saying that I might add). But how can you say and suggest something like that on one hand, and support Israel on the other?

This is what he supports...

and this is what I don't agree with Obama on. But like I said, I don't hear any black people speaking on this. If this were Africa, maybe it would be different. But hey, the Israeli's supported apartheid in South Africa back in the day, so go figure. I don't know, but I think his speech at the AIPAC conference was his highest form of political pandering to date. Running a close second is him and his family leaving his church. Its a damn shame that he compromised his allegiance to that church to appease a few ignorant white voters. Its pretty fucked up when you have to lose your religion to please others if you ask me.

The question I pose is: What behavior from Candidate Obama would be so egregious that African Americans will move away from their "blind support" and begin to make specific demands in return for the overwhelming support of this group?

Or, are progressive whites, like the right wingers, lying about Candidate Obama?

Monday, June 23, 2008


When I was a kid (probably about 6yrs old at the time) living in Trinidad, I could remember my uncle Karl hanging out with his buddies in my grandparents back yard. My uncle was a rastafarian and hangout with his friends was what he did often. One day in particular, I could remember him sending me to his room to get this yellow garbage bag from under his bed. Like any innocent kid, upon fetching the big yeallow garbage bag, I peeked in to see the contents. The bag was full of weed. When I say full, I mean full. That was the first time I saw weed up close and personal, and even then, I never knew what it was.

This morning, when I saw that George Carlin died, my initial thought was of weed. Its been 4yrs since I smoked weed, or took any drugs for that matter. But for some reason, thoughts of him brought back memories of some great times. George Carlin was w well known comic who had his battles with drugs over ther years. But for some reason today, I wish I had the chance to smoke weed with him. His brand of comedy definitely left me thinking. So I could only imagine the conversations I could have with him after smoking that high grade shit. You know them white boys kept the good shit; they never smoked that babitt(LOL). In my heart, I know that smoking some weed, and being able to chop it up with George Carlin would've been the shit. Lets be honest, the guy made us laugh and think at the same time. And when it was all over, we all thought some more. Thats the mark of a great comedian, and he sure as hell left his mark on us who were fans.

There are a bunch of people I'd like to smoke weed with. I don't know if any of you ever gave any thought to being able to do that, but I have. Not that I've put together a list or anything. But there are a few people that I could imagine smoking with. I say that, because I've found that weed elevates my conciousness. I dunno but I think many inventions were a result of being high. Just ask the Chia Pet dude, he'll tell ya. I've smoked weed with fellow nerds where we've had some of the deepest discussions. I mean discussions from philosophy, politics, science, culture, to even porn. And these were deep discussions which never ended in arguments. Why? Because we were all on the same plane of conciousness. People can't do that smoking crack or any other drug. Weed on the other hand brings people together.

I'd like to smoke with Ghandi, and have a debate as to why his ass didn't eat more. Shit, that dude was skinny as fuck, running around looking like a crack head in Jesus clothes. I wish I could have smoked weed with the D.C. sniper. That way I can understand what was that nigga thinking. How in the hell you terrorize a population like he did and then get caught because he fell asleep. I wish I could've smoked weed with Rick James....well, just because! He would probably be a cool cat to smoke with but he'd probably get on my nerves talking about himself all the time, and hoggin all the weed. I hated smokin with people like that, but at least with Rick ther'd be chicks around doing freaky shit. And I'm pretty sure Rick banged a midget or two. Old Dirty Bastard would probably have been a good weed buddy, but then again, he'd probably have me in jail on some bullshit. I definitely wished I could have smoked with Bob Marley because that cat was madd deep. But he smoked too much and that woulda been scary. One time back in the day, I smoked rediculous amounts of weed in a two day period with one of my boys trynna impress these chicks from outta town, and I puked. I never thought that would or could ever happen, but it did. So Bob Marley may be a no no.

There are a few of you on here who I could see myself smoking weed with. Not that I know whether you smoke or not. But I just think it could make for some great stories and experiences. I couldn't smoke with Cosmic tho. His fat ass would eat up all the food and blame it on the munchies, and we'd have to fight. Some of you are deep thinkers and sharing a blunt or two would definitely ignite a meeting of the minds. I've noticed that there are alotta intelligent people who smoke weed. I figure if they're as smart as they are, they must know something and it must be nothing wrong with it. Conversely, some of you are dummies, and I would love nothing more but to smoke up all of your weed. Yeah, I can be greedy like that, especially when I'm not the one paying for it. Awww, don't get mad, we'd have a great time.

Saturday, June 21, 2008


I have witnessed one of the weirdest things in my life recently. A few weeks ago, I noticed that Ashley (my babygirl) gets into these crying modes. Nothing unusual right? I mean, she's a baby and thats what they do, right? Well yeah, kinda, but this was different. You see, it was weird in that she would cry, and cry, and cry for a long ass time, for no apparent reason. Don't get me wrong, I've got it down to a science whenever she normally cries; I know specifically with each cry what her problem might be. But when she gets in this mode, it gets hectic.

One night she was buggin out to the point where I was getting frustrated. I could honestly say that for the first time in my life, I could understand how some parents kill their kids when they can't get them to stop crying. This particular night she had been crying for over an hour non-stop, and when she cries you'd swear that somebody was beatin the shit out of her. I was close to the point of screaming my damn self when Lee (my wife) came to my rescue. We had been taking turns trynna calm her down, so I already knew that she wasn't gonna stop, but I needed a break. After Lee took her, I saw that a lightbulb had been turned on in her head. At that point she said "watch this." She went into the bathroom and walked back out with the hair dryer, plugged it up in the room and turned it on full blast. Observing this, I had no idea what the hell she was doing. But the weird thing, was that Ashley stopped crying and became quiet.

I was shocked! I had never seen anything like that before. C'mon, a hair dryer?!! I was amazed at first, but then I became afraid. I had no idea what the hell had just happened, and I thought it was some Haitian voodoo shit that my wife had just pulled. I was afraid because I saw that movie "The Serpent & The Rainbow" back in the day, and still to this day that voodoo shit scares me. Shit, aint no tellin what she could do to me if she could use her voodoo to make the baby stop cryin. I had an ex once tell me that she put period blood in my food once to be able to keepm me. I thought it was some bullshit, but that bitch put me thru hell and it was hard to break loose from her. So when my wife did her magic trick, I was a lil bit concerned.

She exlained to me that Ashley had a condition nown as COLIC. I'm sure some of you women know all too well about what it is, but this was something all new to me. She explained that it was something that affects babies for which there is no known explanation. She went on to explain that her older daughter (who's now 13yrs old) had the same thing when she was a baby, and she would have to use her vacuum cleaner to make her stop crying. She said it was the white noise that helped them to stop. I learned something that night, and its been useful ever since. Now when she gets in these moods, I just turn on the hair dryer and its all good.

The whole episode has given me a better understanding of people, or more specifically adults. Since I learned about COLIC, I look at it as the explanation for all of the whinney ass people in this world. Now when I encounter people like that offline, instead of tuning them out, or smaking the shit outta them, I now know what to do. The answer lies in white noise folks, and I think I'll start packing a hair dryer everywhere I go to help me in situations like that. The only thing I gotta figure out now is how I can get them close to a bathtub, so I can push them in and toss in the hair dryer while its running. One time I was at the motel with this chick that I had been trynna "get with" for a long time. We had been out on dates, but it was finally time to do the damn thing. After having what she called mind blowing sex for a few hours, she started to cry, and cry uncontrollably. It was at that point that I decided that it was time to go. She said she felt guilty that she had sex with me because she had a fiance, and thats why she was crying. Now that I think of it, we fucked around with each other for about two years after that all while she was engaged. I think she lied, I think she had colic.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008


You know Nas said it right "HIP HOP IS DEAD." As a result we're forced to listen to the same garbage 15 times every hour. The stations try to get you to "Keep it Locked" by having some stupid giveaway every 30 minutes or so. Even that gets boring. you can only hope that an idiot would call in with the most absurdly wrong answers just to make you laugh. If the music wont keep my attention I need more stunts. Maybe a live fart contest or sumthin.

So this radio station in Sacramento had a contest where listeners had to drink 8-ounces of water every 15 minutes without going to the restroom. The last man standing gets a Nintendo Wii video game system. This lady drinks a lot of water quits after a headache, and later goes home and dies from water intoxication. Immediately people are blaming the radio station for her death and holding them responsible. The radio station big wigs fired 10-employees as a result of this including the ENTIRE morning show. Everyone is screaming lawsuit for the woman's family saying that the station FORCED her to drink the water.

She wasn't FORCED. She wasn't pledging some sorority. The lady signed a waiver stood in line and hoped to be chosen for the opportunity to take part in this contest. It sucks that she didn't know her own water tolerance but is that the station's fault? Is it the station's fault that she didn't know when to quit? Assuming that this lady was informed of the dangers of this contest then um...what's the problem?

So you may argue that the station knew the contest was dangerous and they shouldn't have held such a dangerous stunt.Clearly this lady had no idea how easy it is to get your hands on a Nintendo Wii.

Why aren't adults allowed to do whatever the hell they want to do? If the lady wanted to drink water until she passed out then let her do it. Personally if it were my morning show I'd ask people to do drink 8-ounces of motor oil, or 89-Octane unleaded. The contest would go much quicker. Or maybe 8-ounce shots of liquid laxatives. Last person to not shit their pants wins the video game system. A little messier than urine, but hey that's why you have interns and janitors, to clean up that kind of mess. I may as well get some entertainment out the deal. The only thing I would've done differently in the water drinking contest is not allowed the losers to leave the room. The psychological effect of seeing other people piss their pants would've been more than enough to make the others quit sooner and maybe this lady wouldn't have died. What sucks is that she came in SECOND PLACE. She died, and didn't even win. At least give her kids a Sega Genesis as a consolation prize.

Quit holding corporations responsible for crazy people being crazy. If a station held a "Who can stay in the pool the longest after we throw a toaster in the water" contest. Let them have it. If adults show up… SIGN A WAIVER and proceed to subject themselves to being electrocuted then so be it. Russian Roulette, shoot up heroin, stabbing contests, whatever people want to do for a pair of Jay-Z tickets, why shouldn't they be allowed to do it? The radio station fired the jocks because people were outraged, not because the lady died. If the lady died and no one said anything those jocks would still have their jobs.

Hot 97 in New York. Had a "Slap fest" two women basically take turns slapping each other in exchange for $5000 or something. People got mad about that too. Mad why? Why are you mad? Two Grown adults WHO SIGNED WAIVERS agreed to do whatever the hell the want to each other's face in exchange for some item they can't afford. What's wrong if people like me want to watch it?

"Well RiPPa, if the radio station doesn't hold this contest then these people wouldn't be out making a fool of themselves for people like you."

Possibly. But I'm of the belief that crazy people are going to be crazy whether or not they have an audience. Don't sit here and tell me that if this radio station doesn't have this 'Smackfest' that these people would be at home doing something productive. That's like saying that if American Idol wasn't on the air then the people who get on there and make an ass of themselves would be at home studying Organic Chemistry.


They'd be at home doing crazy stuff in private. Why not give these people a treat in exchange for our entertainment. Besides, American Idol sucks anyway.

Sunday, June 15, 2008


So, not only is Memphis Tn. the most obese city in the country. It is now (according to the FBI) number one in the nation when it comes to violent crime. Yup, Memphis Tn. has moved up a few notches from last year. If I'm not mistaken it was ranked number four last year or sumthin like that. Cool huh? I live in a city with Fat gangbangers. Yes sir I sure do.

Forget Graceland and Elvis. Come to Memphis Tn. where you could get shot at a buffet by a fat greedy gansgta who's mad because you ate the last bar-b-cue rib. The way I see it, I live in the right place. Here I am, I'm 37yrs old and I've never been in a gang. Now that my city is ranked number one as far as violent crime, there's no better time than the present for me to become a gangbanger. And why would I wanna do that? Well, the economy is bad, and money is short. Perfect conditions for a crime spree don't ya think? Maybe I could get a recuring role on "The First 48" on A&E or sumthin.

On the news there was a story about police forces around the country having to cut back on patrols because of high gas prices. In some cities, they're making cops ride bikes and skateboards. Ok, so the skateboard thing is a lie but the bike thing is true. Either way, the police cant afford to do much by the way of protecting white people and serving ass whoopins to black people these days because its expensive. That increases the odds of me being sucessful in my criminal exploits, and it would probably give me some great blog material to share. To be honest, at my age, most of the younger kids would consider me an O.G. so quite naturally, I'll be like a leader. All I need to know now is what colors I wanna represent. Is it still cool to wear pink? That red and blue crap is kinda old. I'll probably go with prison orange. Fuck it, me and my gang will wear nuthin but prison jumpsuits in the streets. That would be cool. It'll be like a slap in the face of the cops. Oh well, wish me luck.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008


I've never had a tattoo done on any part of my body, and I doubt I ever will. I'm pretty indicisive about stuff thats, well...permanent. So I know that if I ever decided to get a tattoo, it'll probably take 5yrs for me to choose what the fuck I want imprinted on my body permanently. Other than that, I still think my mom would whoop my ass for doing it. Having said all of that, I doubt you'll ever see me tattoo'd up anytime soon. I say to each his own when it comes to that stuff. But for a while there, it did become like this trendy thing to do. And you know me...I don't do too well with the trendy stuff. Hell, I just finally learned how to do the Electric Slide six months ago; hopefully I'll get the Butterfly down by the end of the year (I know yall remember that dance...). So no tattoos for me, and hopefully none for my daughters. I know I can't stop them once they're grown if they decide to do it. Shoot, they don't even have to consult with me. And to me, thats the scary part. But hey, as a parent you have to let go right? I've seen alotta teenage kids running around with tattoos, so I guess parents are letting go more and more, and earlier than yesteryear.

I just hope that none of my girls would ever do this....

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Talk about creative advertising. I wonder how I'd react if one of my daughters came home with a tattoo like the one in the pic above. Right now I can't say just what I'd do. I'd be pissed of course. I mean, what father wants to be known as the father of a dick sucker?


When I look around and see interracial couples in everyday life, I often wonder if any of them are aware that at one point in time, that it was illegal for blacks & whites to even get married in this country. Its become so common to see interracial couples these days, that its no big deal really. So why are you talking about it RiPPa? Because I can muthafucka! Thats why!
LOL...even I had to laugh at that last line.

Most people who have and or do date interracially, will always say that they don't see color when they choose who they choose to be with. They'll also say shit like, love doesn't know color. Or they'll even say something stupid like...

"Jesus loves the little childeren, all the children of the world, red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in his sight, Jesus loves the little children of the world!"

Uh huh, some bullshit like that is what some will say. Listen, I'm warning you now, that Flower Child, 60's hippy shit ain't working with me, OK? If the world or this country was really like that, there would be no stigma attached to dating outside of your race. To be honest, the reason that it was considered taboo was because of white people. Yes. in history, white people have fucked over people of color all over the world. They were the ones who made the rules of engagement, and they damn sure didn't do it with LOVE or JESUS in mind. Am I lying? Maybe I made that up.

I look around and see people today not afraid to step outdoors with someone of the opposite race as a mate. Gone are the days when a black man would be fuckin hung, shot and killed for even looking or being accused of looking at a white woman. Gone are the days when it was easy for a white woman to yell rape, and blame a black man when she had consentual sex and her daddy found out that she fucked a nigger. Gone are the days that it was against the law for blacks and whites to even get married in this country. Yup, that was a long time ago. Nevermind the Genarlow Wilson case in Georgia just a few years ago, that was just a fluke, that stuff almost never happens. Hell, interracial dating is "cool" now. Personally, I think its become a trend. Its not a NEW trend, but its a trend none the less. Its become tolerable (notice I didn't say acceptable) in our society. Its like the old saying, "If you can't beat em', join em'." Its one of the reasons why Barack Obama is a frontrunner to become the next president. Fuck it, I'm just telling you the truth.

Since I'm telling you the truth, I might as well tell you, at one point, and in some cases today, to date outside of your race is considered to be an act of rebellion. It was considered to be moreso rebellious for white women to date, or seek the companionship of black men. After all, black people were beneath white people, and how dare a white woman have sex with a black man. Never mind that white men have always had sex with black women whenever they wanted, never mind that. Hell, the white man ruled and owned black people, therefore, if he wanted to fuck a black woman he could! His friends would even know and it was no big deal. Double standard? Fuck no, they made the rules, and thats the way it was.

But you know whats funny? Though its become "tolerable" today, its obvious that its about class even as races intermingle. Think about it! You never see a broke black dude with a white woman who's considered well to do. And you never see a sucessful black man with a broke white woman. And why do you think I used these examples excluding the black woman? Because more black men date outside of their race than black women do. And trust me, thats no accident. Black men "choose" to date white women as a measure of sucess, and in turn acceptability. And they do this because of slavery. No, its not a payback thing either as some of them would tell you. Like I said, its a measure of sucess. Though I don't agree with it, I understand. And now today, you have white women who date black men exclusively. And they probably don't even understand the reasoning behind the actions of said black men. For most of them (white women), though its still an act of rebellion on their part, its the "in" thing. You know, its "cool", and hence me saying its become a trend. I can go on and on and break this down even further as I see it. But I'll end it like this....

With the black man being the original man of the earth, and with white women making interracial dating trendy. I wonder how many of them would date an aboriginie?


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