Tuesday, July 22, 2008


See the girl in the pic? Thats my soon to be 15yr old daughter Dijonna (Dee-jon-Nae). Sometimes she gets on my nerves, but thats probably because she is practically my clone. She's been a "project" of mine for years now. She's super intelligent, and as a freshman in high school, she was an all honors student. As a sophomore, she's gonna continue the displaying the high standard to which I hold her to. She lives in Kentucky, and for a long time she has tested way above the states average test scores for kids her age. She's my first born and my pride and joy, but I have a problem.

You see, I want her to do well in school so she can get a scholarship and go to college. Like many black people, I can't afford to pay for her to go to school. So, I can only hope that she continues to do well, and further her education in college. She says she wants to go to college, but she's not really all that excited about it. You see, she has dreams of becoming a singer/actress. And in her opinion, college is not necessary. In a recent conversation, she said that she didn't think it was fair for her to have to bust her ass in honors class, while all her friends just breeze thru in regular classes. Hearing her say that, was very disapointing to me, but I understand that even though she is very mature for her age, she's still 14yrs old. Seriously, I wanted to choke the shit out of her for even thinking like that. But since she wants to be a singer/entertainer, I think I've figured it out.

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Thats Miley Cyrus in the pic above. She's the star of Disney's "Hannah Montana", and also the daughter on country music singer Billy Ray Cyrus. If you don't have kids you may not know her. But I dare you to front like you don't know who he is! Don't lie, I know your ass was singing "Achy Breaky Heart" back in the day!! Uh huh, yeah...THAT Billy Ray Cyrus! Well anyway, it seems that all the kids love this show on Disney. As a result, she conducted a sucessful concert tour right across the country. Her tour was such a big hit that her tickets were hard to come by. Well, not just that, but because of the scalpers. Thanks to scalpers with the help of genius software, people were paying big dollars for her tickets. Its been reported that tickets were even going for up to $4500!

So now you're wondering how, and why. Well, using that genius software I mentioned, these guys are able to buy all of the tickets from Ticketmaster online. And then they sell them back to the general public at crazy prices! People have been enraged enough to get state governments to investigate the practice. Matter of fact, Ticketmaster plans to sue (if the haven't already) the creater of the software. So much for "live and let live". But this is about my daughter, and I know you're wondering, where I'm going with this.

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Well instead of encouraging her to continue to do well in school, I'm gonna have her drop out. I'm gonna do what Joe Jackson did back in the day. Only difference, my daughter is not gonna be allowed to play with mice. I mean, it can't be hard because its just her as opposed to managing a whole band like the Jackson 5.

So you're wondering, "RiPPa, you're not famous like Billy Ray Cyrus." Of course I'm not! But was Joe Jackson famous? No he was not! But he was a crazy black man that knew how to whoop some ass, and get results! Now, I'm gonna be a little different. I'm not gonna beat my daughter's ass or anything; I don't wanna go to jail. I mean, that would totally ruin my plan. Instead, I'm gonna make her a big star, maybe even bigger than "Hannah Montana". I'm gonna use the internet to do it! I'm gonna use my internet fame and genius marketing skills.

Remember in "Coming To America" what "Mr McDowell" did with resturant? Remember his being a ripofff from McDonalds that he called "McDowells"? He even had the golden M's, remember? Well, I'm gonna do the same thing. I mean, c'mon, what's wrong with a black man stealing from the white man? They stole us from Africa, so I see it as a little payback. I'm gonna make my daughter the black "Hannah Montana".

Instead of Disney, we're gonna do a show on BET and its gonna blow up. Don't tell me that its not! Last time I checked, BET needs programing for kids, and that way people will stop bitching about half naked chicks in videos. So yeah, its gonna blow up, and I'm gonna get paid! Instead of "Hannah Montana" black kids are gonna be screaming "Waneesha Wyoming", and you parents are gonna pay for tickets to her show. My daughter is gonna be happy, I'm gonna be rich, and Joe Jackson will still be wearing a Jeri Curl.


Torrance said...

just have faith
sounds like u fine parent
thats all we can do
encourage and expose

and thanks for the drive by folk, do comment from now on, need more male black male bloggers

Torrance said...

yo im from memphis jones

Body Blows


finna add u to the roll for GP mane

Kit (Keep It Trill) said...


First, you are truly a free thinker and second, I applaud your courage for posting this.

I imagine you feel Dijonna's voice is spectacular for you to be prepared to put so much of your time, energy, love, and money into making her a star.

Think hard about how much she has actually done for herself and what she is willing to sacrifice. Teens are fickle and play a lot of head games with their parents and themselves. If she's really just rebelling (a natural stage), and you join 'her side', she may do a switch, and then you'll really be pissed.

A music teacher of voice lessons can give you a professional assessment her strengths and weaknesses. Some of the black church choir directors do this on the side.

If she joins a church choir she'll be getting free lessons, since they have to practice between Sundays. The kind of feedback she gets will help her get better.

I suggest you send her on to 9th grade if she moves in with you, but tell her she'll have sign up for choir or singing class (if they have it) and you expect her to get A's. If she's screwing up in her honors classes by the end of 2nd quarter, switch her to the regular program. Most high schools have a music club for singing too. If she wants to be on stage, drama club is a good idea.

Have her make video of her best songs and upload them to YouTube. If it gets popular, that's a clue.

At her age, she will legally need to be home schooled. This runs around $800 a year or more. If she enjoys her first year of high school, she might change her mind completely and want to stay. This is entirely possible since teens need friends.

Her resistance in following any of your guidance could sting and you end up seeing her as ungrateful and y'all end up in a major power struggle.

She'll also have that hormonal thing going on and they can get really snippy and forget everything when a cute boy walks into their life. This will include you and all of your hard work. That's normal.

This is another reason I think that your easing into such a situation will give you a better chance of figuring out if you both can tolerate the level of parent-child intensity when a kid is home schooled and in showbiz.

I hope some of these suggestions are useful. Good luck with whatever you decide.


Torie Michelle said...

Goodness! @ "Waneesha Wyoming" lol

When I was in junior high school, I don't think college was necessarily high on my radar. I was only into my day-to-day operation...which was playing around. I've always gotten good grades and I haven't bust a thing to get them. Is that a blessing or a curse?

By the time I was preparing to exit high school and began planning for the proverbial "future," I decided college couldn't hurt. Maybe I don't want to be a doctor or lawyer. Maybe I just want to be an artist of sorts. A writer. Not a teacher. Just a "starving artist" lol...

No matter what I do, college can only help in the long-run.

You'll never know when the day will come when all you need is a decent-paying job--screw the dreams and aspirations (at least momentarily).

So that's my suggestion to anyone--of any ethnic background or nationality. College can be an absolute headache but if it's even a remote option, go after it. There are probably students at my college who spend more time receiving counseling at student health services than they do in classes. (And there parents are spending $45,000+ on their mental services rather than their "book learning.")

If you're strong and focused, your degree will make up for your struggles. All of them. The struggle to receive scholarships, the struggle to sit through the classes, etc.

Tell your daughter that in time, she'll she why it was important for her to...well...give a damn. She'll understand when all of her peers from 9th grade are doing, at best, loafing around in the world.


Luvvie said...

Rippa, iQuit u for Waneesha Wyoming. LMAO!!!


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