What's the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and her vagina? Only some of the things that come out of her vagina are retarded. What?!! Oh c'mon, don't act like you didn't think that was funny; no seriously, I heard you laughing. OK, so you might think I was dead wrong, and you're right. Linking Sarah Palin with the retarded is definitely an insult to the mentally challenged among us. But allow me to get my John Mayer on, dammit; allow me to be great! But if you feel the need we can both hop on the euphemism treadmill in the comment section of this post. Either that or you can talk to the hand...
No but seriously, how in the world can Sarah Palin during last weekend's Conservative Cross Burning & Klan Swap Meet Tea Party Convention in Nashville Tennessee criticize Barack Obama for using a teleprompter, when her simple ass had a friggin cheat-sheet scribbled on the palm of her hand? I mean what's up with that shit? If I were a republican or fellow Tea Party boozer I'd be mad. Not at the fact that she dissed Barack Obama - they relish that shit. But more so because she got paid $100,000 to deliver the key note address.
Well, yeah, I'm not gay, and thank God I'm not because I just so happen to be the marrying type. I love the "sanctity" of marriage so much that I'm on my second go-around at it. Which when I think the idea of gay marriage I just wanna reach out and slap all gay people in America currently bitching about not being able to enjoy the blissful sanctimonious institution that I - a heterosexual male - has the privilege of enjoying. I mean they scream about equality but yet fail to realize that the government - be it state or federal - is actually looking out for them.
That's right; the government's just doing its part to ensure that gay people get to heaven. I mean its bad enough that they engage in those un-godly perverse sex acts which goes against all of God's laws of intercourse written in the fine print in the bible. But no, now they want marriage equality? How the hell are they supposed to get into heaven if they're allowed to do that? If you ask me, denying them the right to marry does them a huge favor. And no I'm not talking about having to be a part of the 50% divorce statistic.
But like I said, thankfully I'm not gay and I don't have to worry about violating God's law of marriage as presented in the bible. My current wife and my ex both had a child before we tied the knot; a child by someone other than myself. And all I can say is that it's a good thing the bible recognizes virgin births because I'd sure hate to have to kill them both under the watchful auspices of the “Most High” heterosexual because being gay wasn’t his choice.
Sorry gay folks, but youse people should just repent for your sins now so you can direct the choir in heaven as you already do here on earth every Sunday. Besides, be thankful that you don't have to meet the fate as those lying-ass non-virgin heterosexual women who get married. Yep, it's better to be alive and gay than a dead heterosexual "Just Married" woman the morning after the marriage is consummated as we do, right?
I don't know, but maybe the sight of all that snow on the east coast in recent days has driven Rush Limbaugh to relapse. I could be wrong but seeing all that "white powder" piled high at every turn could be the very thing to force an addict to pick up a crack pipe I suppose. A well known one-time drug abuser, something Limbaugh said on his show today has me thinking whether somebody needs to drug test him before each episode. Personally I say screw the piss test and take him off the air, but that would be too much like infringing on his right to free speech.
So anyway, Conservatives being their racist conservative 'selves have been pulled another label for Barack Obama out of their "Post Jim Crow But Not Really" trick-bag. My guess is they're tired of the "Nazi" talk and now they've found that through the results of much research by their xenophobic public relation think tanks. That maybe calling him "Professor" may be more, how should I say, politically correct. Posted at InsideHigherEd.com, Harvard Professor Charles J. Ogletree weighed in on the use of that word and noted said racial/racist undertones. Ogletree's argument was that "professor" was a coded way to call Obama "uppity".
So I popped on to Twitter this morning only to be greeted by a host of angry black women going in on my man John Mayer. So naturally I'm curious to know why all the rage today, why John Mayer? What, did he call Michelle Obama a bitch or something? What gives? And isn’t he black? So then I found out that the sistahs were pissed off by something he said in an interview for Playboy Magazine.
Now, I'm not one to ever try and shape opinions with my writings on this blog. So I'll let you check out what he said and leave it up to you to tell me how you interpret it:
PLAYBOY: If you didn’t know you, would you think you’re a douche bag?
MAYER: It depends on what I picked up. My two biggest hits are “Your Body Is a Wonderland” and “Daughters.” If you think those songs are pandering, then you’ll think I’m a douche bag. It’s like I come on very strong. I am a very…I’m just very. V-E-R-Y. And if you can’t handle very, then I’m a douche bag. But I think the world needs a little very. That’s why black people love me.
PLAYBOY: Because you’re very?
MAYER: Someone asked me the other day, “What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?” And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a nigger pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, “I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full.’"
PLAYBOY: It is true; a lot of rappers love you. You recorded with Common and Kanye West, played live with Jay-Z.
MAYER: What is being black? It’s making the most of your life, not taking a single moment for granted. Taking something that’s seen as a struggle and making it work for you, or you’ll die inside. Not to say that my struggle is like the collective struggle of black America. But maybe my struggle is similar to one black dude’s.
PLAYBOY: Do black women throw themselves at you?
MAYER: I don’t think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick.
PLAYBOY: Let’s put some names out there. Let’s get specific.
MAYER: I always thought Holly Robinson Peete was gorgeous. Every white dude loved Hilary from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And Kerry Washington. She’s superhot, and she’s also white-girl crazy. Kerry Washington would break your heart like a white girl. Just all of a sudden she’d be like, “Yeah, I sucked his dick. Whatever.” And you’d be like, “What? We weren’t talking about that.” That’s what “Heartbreak Warfare” is all about, when a girl uses jealousy as a tactic.
OK, so this was just a segment of the full interview; an interview which covers his music, his life, and the trials and tribulations of being a celebrity. But this segment of the interview apparently has angered more than a few black women. So what he said that he doesn't normally fuck black women and by virtue this makes his penis racist. Yeah, so fuckin' what! Shit, I'd like to know just how many black women would be willing to give John Mayer some coochie if he wasn't, well, John Mayer?
If there were ever to be an award for douche of the year, I am most certain John Mayer would win hands down. He recently did aninterview with playboy that had me wanting to wash my eyeballs out and rip something. The following is just a short snippet of the horror that is John Mayer.
MAYER: Someone asked me the other day, “What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?” And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a nigger pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, “I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full.’"
PLAYBOY: It is true; a lot of rappers love you. You recorded with Common and Kanye West, played live with Jay-Z.
MAYER: What is being black? It’s making the most of your life, not taking a single moment for granted. Taking something that’s seen as a struggle and making it work for you, or you’ll die inside. Not to say that my struggle is like the collective struggle of black America. But maybe my struggle is similar to one black dude’s.
PLAYBOY: Do black women throw themselves at you?
MAYER: I don’t think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick.
PLAYBOY: Let’s put some names out there. Let’s get specific.
MAYER: I always thought Holly Robinson Peete was gorgeous. Every white dude loved Hilary from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And Kerry Washington. She’s superhot, and she’s also white-girl crazy. Kerry Washington would break your heart like a white girl. Just all of a sudden she’d be like, “Yeah, I sucked his dick. Whatever.” And you’d be like, “What? We weren’t talking about that.” That’s what “Heartbreak Warfare” is all about, when a girl uses jealousy as a tactic.
For the love of God, seriously SHUT THE FUCK UP! This over privileged White man decides to wax prophetic about Nigger passes and then tells the world what it is like to be Black. How is it that one being possesses so much douchbaggery? I suppose he feels that he is being down and edgy with the peeps but seriously, the man knows more about rainbow brite, than he knows about what it is to walk through the world with a real marginalization.
"People here are afraid of the police. They harass black people, they stop people for no reason and rough them up without charging them with anything." - Terry Willis (Vice President of the Homer NAACP chapter)
You may remember the story surrounding the death of 73yr old Bernard Monroe around this time last year. Out here in the blogosphere there was much chatter about after he was gunned down by a police officer in his front yard in Homer, Louisiana. At the time, there was much outrage within that small community, which heightened racial tensions beyond the norm. If you're not familiar with the story, check out the following clip:
Now this was last year, and as the report above noted, there was an investigation by several agencies at the local, state, and federal level. Well guess what? After all those tax-payer funded man hours dedicated to the investigation, a grand jury decided last Thursday not to indict the police officer of any criminal wrong doing.
NEW ORLEANS – A grand jury on Thursday declined to indict a white police officer who shot an elderly black man in the small Louisiana town of Homer in a case that heightened racial tension and sparked protests.
The panel returned a “no true bill,” meaning the case won’t go to trial, after considering and rejecting a range of charges including murder, manslaughter and negligent homicide against former police officer Tim Cox.
Many in the rural town of 3,800 were outraged by the shooting last February of Bernard Monroe, a 73-year-old left voiceless by cancer. Police said Monroe was armed when he was shot outside his home, but witnesses said he didn’t have a weapon.
The grand jury heard testimony from 20 witnesses over two days, said Kurt Wall, director of the criminal division of the state attorney general’s office. The attorney general handled the case after the local prosecutor recused himself.
“We believe it was a full, complete, accurate and thorough presentation conducted at a neutral site. We respect the grand jury’s decision,” Wall said.
An FBI spokeswoman said the bureau is continuing to investigate the case. (click to read more)
You know it's hard to remain hopeful when you hear the outcome of stories such as this one. For people of color in this country this has become all too common. But yet we're supposed to believe the idea that we now have the glorious distinction of being able to be living in a post-racial society? Why? Because a black man was elected president of these United States? The same black man who coincidentally hasn't uttered a word in the face of tragedies such as this? Man please! White folks saying that we're "post-racial," is like hedge fund managers saying that we're "post-poverty." Try telling that shit to the relatives of Bernard Monroe.
First we had Russell Simons endorsing the Rush Card and now we have Montel Williams endorsing payday loans. Are we ever going to arrive at the day when Black celebrities decide that it is not okay to promote these predatory business models to vulnerable members of society?
Montel Williams has endorsed MoneyMutual because it provides needed short term cash loans to people who have no other credit alternatives. Montel takes pride in being able to provide people with information which could help them to live better physically, spiritually, financially, and emotionally. When it comes to financial assistance, Montel understands that people will find unexpected and needed expenses from time to time that are difficult to pay for due to lack of funds or credit. Rather than bounce a check, or receive late payment penalties, Montel believes that a short term cash loan from MoneyMutual can provide the necessary immediate assistance and help avoid more costly fees. According to Williams, "MoneyMutual's online lending network is the only source you can trust for finding a short term cash loan quickly and easily." MoneyMutual allows people to receive instant approval on getting a cash loan of up to $1,000. Restrictions do apply. See Moneymutual.com for details.
Black blogs continually speak about the racism that we face, but what happens when the face of the oppressor is brown like yours? Montel exists with extreme class privilege and he will never have to access the very loans that he is busy peddling to an unsuspecting public.
"So don't be actin like you don't be backin that stuff up, girl in the club that's what you got ass for." - Mystikal (Shake Ya Ass)
Well, from the looks of it, everyone is getting in on the charitable bandwagon for Haiti. There was a telethon aired on MTV, Hip Hop for Haiti, and a host of other events aimed at raising funds for the beleaguered nation in the wake of one of the worlds worst natural disasters. In downtown Toledo Ohio, Marilyn's On Monroe got in on the act last weekend in assisting with funds for relief as advertised:
A couple of weeks ago in a featured post by Renee of Womanist Musings. We discussed the sexualization of black women as it played out in a new PETA ad campaign that featured a nude model. In that post I think we pretty much came to the conclusion that the ad was exploitive of black women; at least that's the idea many people who commented arrived at. I mean anytime a woman's body is used (or taken advantage of) to push a message or an agenda it's sexist, right? Shoot, we even discussed the exploitation of Beyonce's sexuality in the music industry in another post by my blog sister Seattle Slim.
Well, with that in mind, do we feel the same way about the undertakings of Marilyn's Of Monroe in Toledo Ohio? I'm just asking because I'm sure the people in Haiti could care less if any of the money used to purchase supplies came out of the crack of some strippers ass, or out of the pockets of the Pope himself.
Personally I found it funny that the "Christian" organization had no problem taking the money. Nor had any qualms with where any of the money is coming from. I especially loved the line "We don't have a right to judge a persons heart, if somebody is doing something they have to do for a living then that's the way it is." I loved it especially because we're often taught that "All money isn't good money."
But I guess the tragedy in Haiti warrants compromise, so I understand. Yep, and I can see a Dope Boys For Haiti fund coming real soon. That said, are you willing to compromise on your morals and principles and accept this act of charity even if it supports a patriarchal system? I mean clearly these women "own their sexuality," right? That said, is it really sexist, if the end justifies the means? I really would love to hear your thoughts, on this one. You can read the story at the Huffington Post, and I think you'll find the comments as interesting as I did.
So I'm cruising around on Facebook a couple of days ago catching up on family and friends as I do from time to time. Yep, just trying to reconnect with my folk and not looking for any f*ckery when I ran into this on one the page of one of my homies who happens to be a popular D.J. in Indiana. A good friend of mine who is all about his paper and has been quite successful as a D.J. on the club scene as well as in radio:
Yeah, I was stunned when I read that status update, or advertising for childcare services during club hours. You mean to tell me people actually drop their kids off at a daycare that opens at night to be able to go to the club? You mean they actually pay for this service? F*ck that; they advertise this shit? Two locations? Pick up and drop off services? Probably not a bad idea especially if little Deandre and Tyeisha's mom gets pissy drunk at the club. Oh well, I guess providing this service is better than running a weekend crack house. Hell, you gotta get that money, right? You know, sorta like the ladies in this next clip:
So I heard the other day that they were remaking the USA for Africa 80s classic We Are The World as a charitable effort to help victims of the earthquake in Haiti. Then I heard that Lil' Wayne was gonna be one of the artists featured in the song and singing Bob Dylan's part, no less. My first inclination was to run up on somebody and do a Rambo, just because. I mean did they invite him to be on the track because, well, he himself looks like a starved child from the Sudan? But then I heard they also invited Fonzworth Bently; you know, Pdiddy's jigging no talent havin' umbrella carrying Negro man-servant?
Surely inviting Lil' Wayne had nothing to do with him being a top selling popular Hip Hop artist, and had more to do with the sympathy factor, right? Nothing like seeing a malnourished looking black guy with gold in his mouth covered in tattoos to bring white folks to tears. OK, yeah, so I don't particularly care for Lil' Wayne; you got me; guilty as charged. However, I heard what he said at the end of a recent press conference discussing the remake and, well, I'll let you check it out:
“He who warned uh, the British that they weren't gonna be takin' away our arms, uh by ringing those bells, and um, makin' sure as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be sure and we were going to be free, and we were going to be armed.” -- Sarah Palin on Paul Revere
