Saturday, April 24, 2010

What Ciara's Video for "Ride" Really Needs...

Let me premise this by saying that I don't know about you, but I am tired of these kinds of videos. Only thing worse than this, as far as overtly and overly sexual innuendo and fuckery, was Kiely Williams' "Spectacular."

Before the Peanut Gallery sets up shop, let me say that physically she looks good (I prefer more muscle tone and more thickness...Ciara's arms scare me. I dig Beyonce...). The girl is a dancer, so I am sure it is easy for her to keep her physique that way. Her wig looks nice (didn't like the blond though) and her dancing is superb. She's a very good dancer.

I found the video tedious, cheesy, cliche and tired in its lack of visual. Someone basically picked the same soundstage for the "Like a Boy" video, but instead of giving us something to marvel at, they took the easy route and literally made the video soft porn. Don't even let me get into the mechanical bull(shit).

It is clear that Ciara is fighting for her life by putting this out. Rihanna, Beyonce and even Keri Hilson all seemed to pass her by while she took detour away from the "hood". What's sad is this is her getting back to her roots, and it implies that her "hood" roots are oversexed and wanton. But folk wanna get mad at Miss Badu. I can explain nudity to my kids. I can't with soft porn. So here's what Ciara's video needed in MY mind, to make it 100% thorough (and to keep it real):

1) Dicks: Yes, I mean a penis or two. In between shots of her on the bull, I would've liked to see an erect penis, maybe a cumshot? I mean, it would've tied this bullshit in well. Isn't that the purpose, Ciara?

2) What what in the butt: What's a good porn without a little butt action, right? Maybe Luda coulda jumped in?

3) Baby oil: Now, all the videos I see with black chicks have included some rubbing of baby oil on the buttocks while the camera man zooms in on the massaging of Johnson's & Johnson's staple oil. Don't act like you don't know...

4) Crazy talk: While everyone's getting it in, I would've liked to have heard some crazy introduction like, "Hi, my name is Ciara. I'm new to this..." (insert fake giggle here). Maybe some crazy, smarmy guys asking moronic and perverse questions like, "Hey baby, when you gonna show us that booty?"

5) Keep it 100, girl. The mechanical bull is SO 1980s. For real. If you go to any pr0n site, you will find machines to help you titillate the male audience (or the lesbians) but they ain't bulls... *wink* *wink*

Now, THAT would've been Ciara keeping it real, because this video is real bullshit.

I would love to hear your thoughts folks. And PLEASE think before using the word or even alluding the word "hater."


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