(Newser)– Ohio police say they've apprehended a wily white bank robber who threw them off the trail by disguising himself as a black person. Authorities say 30-year-old Conrad Zdzierak would rob the banks in a high-quality mask, then take it off as he drove to his next robbery target, confounding police on the lookout for a black man. He allegedly managed to hit four banks and a CVS within just three hours, ABC reports. His mistake? He never disguised his car.Alright, so I know unlike me, some of you race-baiters out there are pissed after reading this. Yeah I know right about now you're looking at the screen thinking, "this ain't nothing but some ole racist stereotyping shit!" But, if you're like me you'd understand that it's not that the guy who pulled this off was racist. Instead, it's the fact just like I told you a while back: police sketch artists are racist! Besides, do we really wanna have a debate about a white guy posing as a black dude and robbing a bank like the way "certain people" do about blacks taking over professional sports? I mean, it was about time that reverse discrimination thing backfired on us, right?
Police got a report of a vehicle outside a hotel matching the getaway car's description. They found it with an interior stained red by the dye bank tellers had slipped into the money bags. Inside the hotel, they found Zdzierak, the money, and “what I'm calling a 'Hollywood quality' mask,” said a police lieutenant. “These things cost $600-$700.” Zdzierak is now in custody on $3 million bail. “You are the type of villain we read about in novels,” the judge told him. (source)
Yep, they're the reason every criminal mug shot on the 10 o'clock news and in the daily paper all wear hoodies and have wide noses and dark tans. Nah but all jokes aside, this shit was brilliant! Now I gotta figure out a way to disguise myself as a white guy with a mask and walk into a bank and get a loan. Or better yet, some good credit. Uh-huh, how about that for some identity theft? Oh well, at least I take comfort in knowing that on all those Brinks/Broadview Security commercials on TV, the guy who always tries to break in is white.
How about that for some reality?