I didn't really wanna write or speak upon the Chris Brown "alleged" beatdown on Rhianna. But I have two teenage daughters so I can't help it; its all they've been talking about. As a matter of fact, the 14yr old who is often quite distant and in her own teenage world, came to me last night after I picked her up from the beauty shop, and it was the first topic out of her mouth for discussion.
I thought it was over, but this morning my wife brings it up after having a discussion with the girls. In case you didn't know, Chris Brown and Rhianna are two Grammy Award winning recording artists who at one time were dating. In the pic above they're pictured in happier times.
You see, our girls are huge Chris Brown fans. So much so, that when he started dating Rhianna they were pissed. Teenagers I tell ya. Heck, last summer they would playfully argue among each other as to which one of them were going to marry him. To which, they had my blessings, as well as my wife's. For the last 3yrs, they both have come to understand that Chris Brown is the only celebrity they were allowed to date. He's was clean cut and seemed like the good old American Black kid, sorta like Micheal Jackson before the monkey, and all that other crazy shit.
As much as I hate seeing my girls grow up and swoon over boys, I must say I was acceptable of it being Chris instead of the tattooed mosquito known as Lil Wayne. There are a few other celebrity guys they have crushes on, but I've always steered them clear of them, as they looked like prison material. But not Chris he's 19yrs old. He could come to my house, pick them up and take them to the prom, or even maybe a movie or something like that. So quite naturally, the latest news surrounding him has our daughters a little disturbed. As a parent I must say, I am a little perplexed about this as well. Not that I'm all into celebrity gossip or anything. I'm only interested because my daughters are. And lets be honest, as much as I hate it, they will both be dating soon.
So what do I teach my girls when it comes to men and conflict resolution and dating? I've taught them just like my parents taught me: KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF! Its that simple. Sure you can talk shit, or listen to someone talk shit about you, but you keep your hands to yourself. Well, unless they put their hands on you first. After which, you have the right to defend yourself. Other than that, I was always taught not to be the one to strike first, or the aggressor. I might sound pussy, but it kept me in line as I grew up until I was grown.
You see, it wasn't until my first marriage that I ever had a physical altercation with a woman. Sure I've had arguments and shouting matches with previous girlfriends, but never was there anything physical. Hell, like most guys, it was reinforced that boys do not hit girls as I grew up. But my parents screwed up and forgot to tell me that their are exceptions to the rule. In other words, they never told me that the world was full of crazy bitches who do step out of the line of being a ladylike. You know, the females who would "force" a man to get beside himself? You know the type, right? The women who would talk smack, and wouldn't hesitate to slap the shit, out of a man first? Yeah, those women. My parents never told me about them.
So what was I supposed to do? Was I supposed to walk away? I mean, I didn't know, because like I said, my parents failed to tell me this could happen. Sure some of you may say I was supposed to walk away because any man who hits a woman is weak. I'm sure some of you might think that. But how does one walk away when growing up you're taught that if you come home after getting your ass whooped in a fight for not fighting back, you're gonna get a beating from your parents? Hell, even as I was growing up I saw parents dragging their kids down the block and forcing them to fight other kids. So you tell me, how do you walk away?
See, this is that bullshit double standard way of raising kids. We tell them when they're kids that if someone hits them, they're supposed to hit them back. We also tell them: boys aren't supposed to hit girls. I'm speaking from a male perspective and point of view of course, but what are you supposed to tell a girl specifically as she grows up? I'd like to know what you would tell a girl other than the obvious. Which is: love isn't supposed to hurt, and if a man has to put his hands on you, he doesn't love you. In retrospect, just that line is kinda funny when you think of how your parents, after beating your ass for something you weren't supposed to do would say, "I did it because I love you." Ain't that a trip? Having thought about it, isn't it easy to see how some people grow up confused?
So what do I teach my girls? I teach them that there are men out there who are not like me. I teach them that there are some men who do not think before they act. I teach them that there are some women who feel the need to lash out physically, but there's really no need for it. I teach them that any physical reaction be it man or woman, in most cases, happens to be a sign of the inability to communicate. Yup, that's what I teach them. Above all, and most importantly, I teach them about love.
Kiss me, and then I'll kiss you back