Crazy Bitch: "Diddy Owes Me $100 Zillions"

Not to be outdone by Hubert or Dennis in the loony lawsuit contest, some deranged woman in Los Angeles has filed a domestic violence petition against American superstar musician, Sean Puff Daddy Puffy P Diddy Combs, claiming he owes her some $900,000,000,000 in child support, $10,000,000,000 in "lost of income," and a Mississippi casino chip valued at "over $100 zillions of dollars" ... give or take a straitjacket.

In her petition, the delusional damsel detailed the abuse allegedly dealt by Diddy:

He went through Kim Porter and Rodney King and knocked down the WTC and then they all came and knocked me and my children down. 

Wait, he who wha..? He went "through" people? And Rodney King, no less? Yo, it took almost the entire LAPD to take that mofo down. But Diddy went right "through" him? And Kim Porter. And then Diddy knocked down the WTC. WTF? Is Diddy some kind of comic book villain now??

Do NOT fuck with The Diddy!

Must be! Cuz home girl also states, "He crushed me and my children daily." Daily? Daily. In fact, per the petition, while he hasn't used guns "so far," Diddy's done a lot of crushing. And date raping. And "sexula assulting." And leg breaking. And putting babies in wheelchairs and/or on disability. So watch out all you young wannabe hiphop upstarts. Diddy ain't playin'.

Now, because of the wording of her weird ass allegations, various other "news outlets" seem to think the erstwhile zillionaire blames Diddy for the World Trade Center tragedy. Whether the towers in fact collapsed in the swath of Diddy's destruction is for others to determine and prove. But here at Sociopathologie, we feel compelled to point out that Miss BatShitCrazy only wrote "WTC" on her papers; she didn't actually spell out "World Trade Center" - and based on her overall spelling skills, we're not sure she could -  so we don't feel comfortable assuming whatever the fuck she meant by the abbreviation. And yes, on another page, she randomly wrote "911" next to Diddy's name. But does this refer to that fateful date in American history? Or is it the only phone number she can remember? Again, we refuse to jump to any conclusions. About this.

Anyhoozle, the Los Angeles Superior Court refused to issue a temporary restraining order against Diddy so, you know, he's free to continue going through people and crushing the victim at will in his free time.  At least until the hearing on January 31. Do you think it'll be live-streamed on MTV?

Well, I guess this just proves it's true what you said, Puffy (or Diddy .. or Sean .. Is it Sean now?) --> ♫ Mo' Money, Mo' Problems ♫

And yo, loyal reader(s), if you happen to run into Gwen Allen? Hit her up for a couple zillions - Diddy gave her that casino chip to hold.

Signed,
UncrushedMonkey

[Editor's Note: This post originally appeared over at the blog Sociopathologie. It's a blog site that I've been seriously slippin' on for quite some time; it's ran by my Twitter homie, @BenJoBubble. Do subscribe to the blog not only because it is well worth the daily read. But do it so you don't have to play catch up on the hilariously delivered fuckery with much snark, wit, style, and flavor; us monkeys have to stick together.]