[Editor's Note: The Friday Sex Blog is an attempt at mature (and sometimes humorous) talk about sex mostly from my perspective as a hetero Latino male. However, as I have pointed out numerous times, no sooner I mention my cock or anything having to do with anal sex it’s like a dog whistle for the idiots. So, in the interest of getting the bullshit out the way first, here it goes: My Cock. Watch the classical conditioning go to work… Now for the adults… two things this week: semen retention and because some accused me of being a male chauvinist pig, there’s anal play for men.]
Okay! Before I go into the meat (pun unintended) of today’s post, I would like to mention an interesting observation. In ancient China, emperors often called on sages, mostly Taoist sages, for sexual advice. However, before accepting any advice, the sage had to go through a test. The emperor required any prospective master to prove his sexual control. He did this by offering the would-be advisor a full glass of wine and demanding the sage insert his penis into it. If he was truly a master, the story goes, he could absorb the wine into his penis and then release it back into the wine glass. This was taken as absolute proof that the sage could absorb a woman’s yin essence and therefore know the secret to immortality.
Don’t laugh: the practice of absorbing fluid into the penis is quite real, and can still be witnessed on the streets of India today. One yogi in Bombay actually sucks up oil into his penis in private and then publicly lights it on fire as he urinates it out! He claims it as divine fire. Imagine that ladies! LMAOOO! Over the past two years, I’ve been engaged in the process of learning this technique, so I might just light your ass on fire if you request it…
This yogic suction technique is one that many people confuse with the true practice of semen retention. I will write more about from the perspective of my experiences. Eventually, imma need a partner. ::wink::
Anal Play for Men
Before reading on, please take a look at the following short skit. It’s from a show I really enjoyed, “Lucky Louie,” on HBO:
LMAOOO! Too funny! I love it!
Men are extremely anxious about anything going near their anus because stereotypes dictate that any man that admits to liking his anus stimulated is a “faggot.” The fact is that a sexual act does not constitute a sexual orientation. In fact, one study I read stated that not all gay couples engage in anal sex. In any case, enjoying a certain sex act does not make you gay. That’s just ignorant, close-minded thinking. Actually, homophobia has been shown to be a form of homoerotic wish-fulfillment. That’s right, homophobic men (as quantified by psychological measures) were the ones most turned on by gay porn. Yeah, the same guys who like to make jokes about "taking it up the ass" and questioning the "masculinity" of other men are more likely to be turned on by gay porn. LOL!
Which is why I laugh when the sock puppets with fake-ass names come here and post responses detailing their elaborate fantasies about me being raped in prison… In any case, as in most things sexual, likes and dislikes are culturally conditioned. You know what? If you were raised in a society were “real men” “took it up the ass,” men would be engaging in recipient anal sex and bragging about it, so stop your bullshit now. Shit, there would probably be a Super Bowl about it. LOL You doubt me? Well, apply some logic to this issue. If you’re inflexible in this cultural context, then you would most likely be as inflexible in another cultural context.
There’s a biological premise for pleasurable anal play. There are two pleasurable spots in and around a man’s anus. The first location is the anus itself: ii is very sensitive and is surrounded by a dense mass of nerve bundles. The second is the prostate gland, located a few inches inside the anus towards the belly button, and often feels like a firm bulge.
As I mentioned earlier, some men are not very open to experimentation around this area, as enjoying it may make them question their sexuality. In fact, one study I came across shows that part of the reason men of color have higher prostate cancer morbidity rates is because the cultural hang-ups about the check up (which involves checking the prostate gland manually). As stupid as this may sound, it is a result of the prejudice and lack of understanding in today’s society. In any case, make sure to communicate with your partner to avoid bad reactions. If your partner refuses, don’t force him (LOL!), but try to open him up to the idea by exploring the area gently with your hands. He’ll slowly get used to being touched around there, and it won’t seem as big of a deal. And remember, by stimulating the prostate gland as he gets close to climaxing, you can give him a tremendously intense orgasm.
As with all anal play, cleanliness is essential. A bath or a shower is a great way to start things off, setting the tone for the festivities. If your man is an anal virgin, you can celebrate his deflowering by making it a “special” occasion. Once your finger(s) or sex toy has been inside his anus, don't put them anywhere else until you wash them. Carelessness in this regard can cause infection. Make sure to have a good lubricant, and start as slowly as possible the first few times. Lubrication is extremely important and you can never use too much.
Be sure to clip your fingernails quite short before doing any type of penetration, especially anal. The lining of the rectum is thin and can be easily torn by sharp objects.
Once you get him lubricated, you want to start by taking it really easy. Most people who have never had any anal play will instinctually tense their sphincter muscles. If they are tensing, do not try to push through, as it will cause a lot of pain and discomfort. Instead, make little circles around his anus and wait for him to relax. Once he starts relaxing, gently try moving your finger in and out a little. Start shallow and gradually move deeper, just make sure to watch his reactions and facial expressions to see if you are going too fast. Once you get inside, you can do a variety of things, including: twisting your hand, pulling in and out, moving in large circles following the wall of the cavity, or stimulate specific spots with little circles. The most effective use of anal play is definitely right at orgasm. If you have a finger inside stimulating his prostate when he reaches an orgasm, you will send him to another world of pleasure, one that he will most likely be asking you to help him revisit.
Analingus, licking the anal area, is another form of anal play. Perhaps this would be a better introduction into playing with your man’s anus. Before engaging in analingus, make sure to thoroughly wash the area. Once clean, licking this area of the body is virtually no different then licking any other, and can be very stimulating for your partner. Like other play in this area, don’t just jump right in, build up to it and allow for your partner to get comfortable. A great way to start performing analingus is to move into it when you are performing fellatio (aka “smoking that cock” LOL). This area is very sensitive, so run your tongue around in circular motions, use your tongue to tickle, and when you are both ready for it, even to penetrate.
Access to his anus is a little tougher than to his penis, but there are several positions that are ideal; lying on his back with a large pillow to arch his ass up, him bent over with legs spread, him standing with you kneeling, and him upside down with his legs spread.
Finally, there’s anal intercourse. Now, anal sex is quite a different ball of wax than using your finger. Oh boy! Man gotta really trust you for this one. Imagine if you separate and you blast it on Facebook or some other social media that he let you ream his asshole?!! LOL! Seriously, even if he enjoys and requests you to pleasure him there, he may be apprehensive about putting something so large as a dildo in there. The key to success are copious amounts of lubrication, relaxation on his part, and a slow, gentle approach.
Let him tell you when he wants it harder or faster and don't be shy about playing with his penis at the same time.
There are women who enjoy anal play and some use butt plugs. A butt plug is a toy that is inserted in the rectum. Once inserted, you can leave it where it is or move it in and out. Many people enjoy the sense of fullness that butt plugs convey, much in the same way women enjoy the fullness experienced during vaginal sex. Others enjoy the sensation of inserting something in their anus.
Butt plugs come in many different shapes and sizes. Some of the sizes seem silly, but some people are obsessed with larger toys, so the companies willingly accommodate. The most popular plugs are less than an inch in diameter, and roughly four inches long. Beads are some of the most popular anal toys. They range from soft to firm-textured, usually consist of four to ten balls connected with a piece of nylon cord or plastic/rubber, and there are a wide selection in ball sizes. Whichever type you are interested in, they are virtually the best toys to ease into anal play.
Climax beads are a very simple toy to use. After being covered by lubricant, they are inserted into the anus bead by bead. Most people then leave the beads where they are until near the point of orgasm, at which point the beads are pulled out one by one. This can greatly intensify an orgasm to the point that it is almost too intense to handle. It is suggested starting with smaller balls, and then moving up, as you get more experienced.
Again, like everything else involved with anal play, cleanliness is of the highest importance. Make sure to clean your toy thoroughly after using it, store it in a dry dust free place, and be very gentle when starting out.
So there you go! Now go out there girls and fuck your men good and hard!
PS: SEX -- even anal sex -- is good for you!
Update 1: Someone mentioned in the comments section that this post is a rip off of Mantak Chia's work. For the record, I borrow from his work I have borrowed heavily from Mantak Chia's work in the past and have also attended workshops sponsored by his organization. I also rely on the work of pioneers such as Michael Winn, Miranda Shaw, and from a wide range of tantric, Buddhist, and Western spiritual traditions.
One thing is correct; I should always cite my sopurces. the first version of this post was linked (click here), but the links didn't make it in the migration. While the part of this post dealing with with semen retention is from Chia, the majority of this post is mine. Below are some sources:
Michael Winn: The Taoist Art of Cultivating Male Sexual Energy
Mantak Chia: Cultivating Male Sexual Energy