Saturday, August 16, 2008


I've been watching the olympics, and like most, I'm in awe of the accomplishments of Michael Phelps. Not only is he the greatest olympian ever, by virtue of winning the most gold medals of any athlete, I think he's part fish. Or maybe even the re-incarnation of Patrick Duffy as "Man From Atlantis". With the resurgence of the comic book hero movies, I think he should be a shoe in for the role of "Aqua Man" in the near future.

I'm not a big fan of the swim US swim team. I'll be honest, I'm only watching them as I wait for the negro portion of the olympics. No, I'm not referring to Basketball. But rather, the track and field portion of the games. You know, the part where the white dudes always lose? Yeah, that's the stuff I love watching, but swimming is cool for now. Its either that, or watch those 6yr old Chinese female gymnasts destroy their American opponents, or beach volleyball which should not be an olympic sport by the way. Whats next? Lazer tag?!!

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I was excited, and pleasantly surprised to see a Black man on the olympic swimming team. His name is Cullen Jones in case you didn't know. Oh, and he was a part of the gold medal relay team. I say I was excited because as they have always said, "Black people don't swim." Well, I'm black, and I swim, but then again, I grew up partly in the caribbean unlike Blacks in America. As a kid, the beach was my swimming pool, and living on a small island, it was endless. No such luck for African Americans. I've been told that the reason they do not swim stems from the lack of swimming pools in the hood. This is debatable depending on who you talk to, but I think there's more to it than that. You see, I happen to think its a matter of genetics.


Ok, think about the Olympics, and the lack of black male swimmers, as opposed to track and field athletes. Its obvious, that the black athlete excels outside of the water more so than the white athlete. If you think the scare of the Middle Passage has something to do with this, you're an idiot. The truth is, white men have smaller penises. By Black men having bigger penises, the problem of buoyancy, and drag becomes an issue. And I doubt whether they make a waterproof jock strap.

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So while you're in awe of Michael Phelps and his accomplishments. Its important to remember that he has a smaller penis than Cullen Jones, and hence he's more successful as a swimmer for the US Olympic team. But if he had to run for his life (like most niggas in the hood) he'd be dead, or in jail, and definitely not a favorite to win the 100 meter heat.

"But what about the Black female swimmers RiPPa?"

"Yeah, they don't have penises!"

You're right, they don't.

The truth is: Black women just don't like getting their hair wet, especially after paying upwards of $200 just to get a damn weave. And swimming with a plastic Walmart bag on your head, I'm sure is against Olympic regulations.

Can you swim?


(fŭng'kē) [blak] [chik] said...

C.J is from my area in NJ! They're having a parade for him when he gets back to the states....

Also, I swim and have been a swimmer since I was 8...I don't wear a weave or relaxer, so I'm good.

mahoganydymond said...

I learned how to swim when I was a kid. I am just one who doesn't like the PUBLIC POOLS. I have a phobia of a lot of people pissed in them.

I haven't watch the Olympics since 1996. So I do not know who and what is going on...

Oh yea... I have been coming over here since you posted this on Chaps page.. I always having the hardest time of it loading... :)

The Socialite said...

lmao at this post! You are funny and yes I can swim. It is good to see a Black face on that swim team. And shout out to my girl Lauren Willimas who is running track for the USA!

Lola Gets said...

"I doubt whether they make a waterproof jock strap"

You are just wrong for that!

My mother didnt know how to swim. She saw to it that her daughters knew how from jump. I honestly dont remember a time when I didnt know how to. And Ive always loved a Caribbean vacation (various islands, natch) ... the beaches are to die for!

Anonymous said...

Michael Phelps does seem to have a smaller penis than Cullen Jones, but it's all relative. Cullen Jones' penis seems to be small and Michael Phelps' penis seems to be even smaller in most photos and videos, though there are a few pix that are surprising and thus confusing/perplexing. (Ian Thorpe also seems to have a small penis.) Where are the swimmers with above average penises, with or without cold water shrinkage???


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