Tuesday, November 3, 2009

If John McCain were President...

So I'm sitting here thinking about the atmosphere and how things were right about this time last year. I mean after all, we were about to go into uncharted territory by pulling the lever and casting votes for the very first potential Black president, right? Wasn't it an exciting time, folks? I don't care who you supported for president last year, but you have to admit that there was a certain energy in the air as the day drew closer.

For Black people I'll go as far as to say that there was a certain nervousness and undeniable pride as the day drew closer. Even with the results of numerous polls, a lot of "us" were still apprehensive and watched for the okey-doke. But even still, the excitement and motivational atmosphere as we all collectively echoed the sentiment "Yea We Can," as we committed ourselves to ensure Obama's victory was paramount.

Looking back a year later now, I have to wonder what would have been different had John McCain won the elections instead of Barack Obama. I'd really like to hear your thoughts on that in your commentary - I think it would be easier discussing now what most of us were afraid of even mentioning back then. I'll admit it now but it was my belief that some people would have just totally given up. Could you imagine what would have happened? That said, here's a list of a few things off the top of my head that I think would have been different. Trust me, things would have been a helluva lot different for America if John McCain were president.

Check it out:

1) If John McCain were president right now, the fundamentals of the economy would still be strong. Sure we might still be in a jobless recovery period, but nevertheless, like John McCain said last year, the driving force of the economy which is people would still be in good shape. Yep, no need for unemployment extensions or food stamps or none of that stuff - we'd be alright. Corporate welfare is where it's at, son!

2) If John McCain were president right now we would have already invaded Iran looking for weapons of mass destruction that were transported by tunnel from Iraq. I mean seriously? Why else was Saddam Hussein in a hole in the ground? Hiding? He wasn't hiding! He was making sure those WOMDs got to Iran; thought you knew?

3) If John McCain were president, upon seeing what was happening in Iran, Osama Bin Laden would transform himself into Mahatma Ghandi but only taller with clothes and a beard. Yes, Bin Laden would be so fearful of John McCain that he would come out of hiding as the cave dweller that he is, and become a man of peace. Matter of fact, his name would have been thrown on the ballot for a Nobel Peace Prize a few days before the inauguration of McCain. Yeah, and there would be a new addition being built on Guantanamo Bay as we speak.

4) If John McCain were president, by now our taxes would have been increased. The few people employed would be now paying higher taxes so as to pay Sarah Palin's clothing tab at Macy's. Yes, and her daughter Bristol and her baby daddy would have gotten married by now which saves women from seeing his shriveled up penis in Playboy.

5) The teabaggers and all these people who now protest health care reform would be so bored that they would protest McCain's "Black daughter" from India. They can't help it; their inner racism is just too strong. They would probably even admit to it instead of attributing their disgust to his policies and not the color of his daughter's skin. Yeah, CNN's "Black in America" series would have been cancelled.

6) If John McCain were president more progressives and democrats would be protesting the current wars the country is involved in than they are right now. Yep, the current deafening silence of war protests would be unheard of under a McCain administration. Matter of fact, McCain would have already brought back the draft.

7) If John McCain were president right now Black people would have gotten over the fact that they stole the elections from Barack Obama. Yeah, we wouldn't protest or even talk about taking the country back. Nope, Negroes in Atlanta would never talk about secession or anything like that. We're used to being screwed, no? John McCain would replace "Yes We Can," with "Negro Please," as his re-election campaign slogan.

8) If John McCain were president right now Barack Obama would join the nation of Islam. For him to hear "I told you so," from Rev. Jeremiah Wright would be too much to bear forcing him to run to Louis Farrakhan for comfort. Hell,, he wouldn't even have to change his name either. Yep, and Kanye West would not have been a Jackass at the VMAs, and Henry Louis Gates Jr. would be on Death Row.

9) If John McCain were president right now there would be no Michael Steele. Nope, instead of being the HNIC of the RNC, he'd probably be shining shoes in DC or picking cotton on the property of one of McCain's relatives in Mississippi. Which is actually a bad thing because I actually happen to like laughing at him.

10) Lastly, if John McCain were president, the fundamentals of the economy would still be strong. Yep, and every bill he signed into law would still contain "pork".

May not be purely accurate, but it's damn close.

At least that's what I think....

[insert Kanye shrug]

QUESTION: How different would things be if McCain was president?


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