Friday, October 1, 2010

Am I the only Sucker for Love in the Building?

By Joanna (JuJuBe)

I KNOW I am not the only person out here who can fall in love with a person after 2 or 3 conversations, simply based on the intellectual connection. I AM SURE I am not the only woman on earth who has seen a man from across a crowded room, and DESPITE all signs indicating her thoughts are NOT reality based, has said "I am going to marry that man!"

I do not believe I am the only one who is a sucker for (unrequited) love! The type of woman who, despite having a GOOD MAN sitting right next to her expressing feelings of love and desire, wants to toss him aside for the illusion of a potential relationship with Mr. Unattainable! Please, tell me I am not alone here!

Books and movies are written all the time showing us unrealistic models of what "love" is supposed to look like. If you rely on the cinematic or literary worlds to show you what true romance is like, you are in BIG TROUBLE. Personally, I TRY to avoid romantic fiction, but at this point, the damage has apparently already been done, because I am a SUCKER for love!

Yes, I am one of those chicks that, if I were on the outside looking in, I would think was PATHETIC in her attempts to find a connection.

For some reason I still have this story book notion of living "happily ever after" with a man who makes my heart go pitter patter every time he walks in the room. I imagine this lusty romance with heaving bosoms are throbbing members.

I do not see the mundane, the fights over who will take out the garbage, who will cook dinner and wash the dishes. No, I expect a fire to rip through my soul, indicating that I have met the man of my dreams.

Some people believe it is OK to hold on to those highly charged emotional fantasies, that it will eventually happen, if you just make no compromises and wait until that one man comes along. That is all well and good when you are 21 years old, fertile, emotionally strong, and have your whole life ahead of you.

Not so great when you are 36, your biological clock is ticking so loudly the neighbors can hear it, and the men you are convinced will be your "knight in shining armor" are simply NOT INTERESTED.

Despite what you see in the movies and read in books, loving a man with all your heart and all your soul DESPITE the fact that he has ALREADY TOLD YOU he does not want an intimate relationship with you DOES NOT WIN HIM OVER!! Life is not a story book. The geeky girl DOES NOT get the guy in the end!

Just doesn't happen. I mean, maybe in one out of a million cases it does, but really, would you place a bet with those odds?? Yet, women like me (and I know there are more of you out there who share the same mind frame) waste weeks, months, even years of our lives believing that SOMEHOW, that man will become ours when he recognizes our deep and abiding dedication to his desires and his needs.

Women like me are still living our lives believing the Cinderella stories our parents told us when we were toddlers. We hold on to our feelings for one man because he stole our heart the first time he looked our way, yet another man comes along, wanting to spend time with us, wanting to love us, wanting to provide for us, but we look at him as a "sucker" and hold on to the romanticized image we have of a man who we think will make life worth living.

And, we may end up passing by the best thing that could have ever come along, because our eyes are too focused on the mirage in the distance to see the reality that is sitting right beside us. A reality that we reject because is is not as "exciting", but that could end up being the love of a lifetime.

I am going to close with a little story. I think about this all the time, and I try to consider it when I meet any man. Marion met Tony when she was 21 years old. They went on one date, and she thought he was the most boring, most annoying creature on the face of the planet. She had NO DESIRE to see him again, and had her parents and her sister make excuses as to why she could not come to the phone when he called.

But, he continued to make that phone call to her every once in a while, just hoping for a second date. He had no notions about love and romance, indeed he had no notions about what would happen beyond dinner at a nice restaurant. And one day, she was home alone, and had to pick up the phone (this was before caller ID).

She reluctantly agreed to accompany him to a restaurant. Well, four months later, she was engaged to the "boring" Tony. A year later they were married. They stayed together for 33 years, until Marion passed away. They had three children together. So, despite her desire to be "swept off her feet" by a Prince Charming, Marion gave Tony a chance, and it changed her life. Marion and Tony are my parents.


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