EVERYBODY HATES CHRIS

I think today is a holiday. I'm not sure, hell I don't work at a bank, but I think its Columbus day or some bullshit like that. All I know is, the fuckin bank is not open, and the kids are out of school today. Today celebrates Christopher Columbus' discovery of America. How significant is that? Its pretty fuckin significant! If Columbus chose to be a pimp and focus on making money off of some chicks instead of being a sailor, there would be no McDonalds and hence the Egg McMuffin which I love dearly. That's how significant this shit is people! I don't know if you've ever thought about it, but where would we be without Columbus? Think about that for a second. White people would still be living in Europe, Native Americans or the indigenous people of the new world would still be alive and well, and black people would still be listening to Tupac while driving Cadillac Escalades on 28 inch rims in Africa. Yup, things would've definitely been different for everybody.

Have you ever gave thought to why Columbus did what he did? In grade school they taught us that he did it because he wanted to eat curry chicken so he decided to go to India which was on the eastside; you know, over in the hood where Habib has that corner store next to the half a chicken and fired rice shack? But instead his OnStar wasn't working so he made a wrong turn and ended up kickin it with some people who ate corn. He had to be pissed after that! That would probably explain why white people had beef with Sitting Bull. Hell, I get mad when I go to my fridge for Kool Aid but can't have any because somebody left a fuckin empty pitcher in there, so I know Columbus was pissedoff when he got to his destination! And that my friend explains all the death and destruction, diseases, slavery, taxes and Soulja Boy that we have to suffer with today. Here it is hundreds of years later, and we're still catching hell because Christopher Columbus wanted to eat curry chicken. Come to think of it, that's probably why all the people of East Indian decent own and run all the motels in America.

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Aren't you glad that you stopped by? Now you can run out and tell all of your friends that thanks to me and your grade school teacher you now understand why Columbus Day is celebrated. Hopefully now you can understand that society as we know it was no accident. Columbus didn't set out to prove that the world wasn't flat. He did it because he wanted to eat curry chicken. And because of him, the bank isn't open, and you have to worry about your kids burning down the house because they're out of fuckin school today!

Thanks Chris