Screw Joe Budden and The Apologists for Abuse

Let me go ahead and premise this by saying that if you want to do war on this post, a war is what you will get.  Whenever I do posts like these, the "zombies" come out as if I were on set for AMC's The Walking Dead.  If you are a zombie, I've got the bullets in the chamber and I'm a crackshot.  Now, let's go'n ahead and dissect the latest fuckery. 

I'm going to do a very quick recap.  Apparently, several weeks ago Joe Budden recorded a song disparaging an ex-girlfriend, one Esther Baxter, who is a video model.  He indicates that she cheated on him, hurt him, etc. She responds that she never did that, and went one step further, speaking about the abuse that she had to deal with while in a relationship with this guy.

Here's what she said (via NecoleBitchie.com)

Last week, Budden blasted Esther Baxter on a song where he detailed their dysfunctional relationship which he claims ended after she cheated on him with a football player. In retaliation, Esther took to her twitter and threatened to expose Joe for abusing her and making her have a miscarriage. Esther stuck to her word and released photos of her battered and bruised to Bossip (as well as a few inappropriate photos of the fetus she says that she lost). She also granted them a sit down, Barbara Walter style interview where she claims Joe:

“kicked the door down, came into the room, grabbed me by my ankles, choked me so that I couldn’t breathe, slammed me against the door…in an attempt to grab the phone from me he wrestled me, grabbed me by my wrist and sat on my stomach while I was pregnant. [..] I went to the hospital and that’s when I found out I lost my daughter.

She went on to say that before hooking up with Budden, she had no knowledge of his past relationship history and that she eventually dropped the charges against him because she was embarrassed and didn’t want their drama to go public.

“I didn’t want this to go public. It was already embarrassing enough that this has happened to me. I never in my life thought that I would be abused, and further more, lose a child because of it. So in order for it to not go public, I dropped all of the charges with the agreement and understanding that neither of us would ever talk about it.I didn’t cheat on him. We weren’t together, we aren’t together now. We broke up that night that he decided to take this argument and make it physical. I don’t know why anyone would ever want to tell someone that they did something like this.

I have not heard the song because I don't assault my eardrums with anything coming from Joe Budden's mouth (I've never liked his music, and I find nothing appealing about him as an artist), but some indicated that he admitted to abusing her on this "diss" track.  However, for whatever reason, he opted to pull a Ronnie from Jersey Shore and "deny, deny, deny!"  He even dragged Chris Brown into it and in the process of apologizing for laughing at Chris Brown's expense, showed his true colors in indicating that he had no issues with what Chris Brown did:

On his Chris Brown tweet

Then I felt bad, aside from me being a big Chris Brown fan, he’s somebody that really went through it. He really got put through the wringer because of domestic abuse. So, it made me take a step back. I’m sitting here laughing at it all because I know it’s not true in this instance. You know, in his instance it happened and they hung him for it. I apologize to him, it was the right thing to do.

He was PUNISHED for it and reviled for it, but he certainly has not been hung for anything.  That's beside the point, and I don't want to get into that.  When I read this over at Necole's blog, I steeled myself for the fuckery in comments.  More people came to her defense than with Rihanna's.  That was a plus.  Matter of fact this comment summed up what I was thinking perfectly:

Same shit everyone (mostly women) did to Rihanna. If there’s one thing I learned over the course of the last few years it’s that the black community has no respect for women. There’s no way that two who have been assaulted by men (there’s proof, physical evidence! It’s undebateable!) and people are joking about it. Or worse, saying, “well she must have done something to deserve it.” F*ck that yo. I’m disgusted. More so with the women who are riding with these men. F*ck a Joe Budden and anyone who tries to rationalize his bullshit. -ChicaGo-Getter

If that person is disgusted, they are obviously new to this, because I ceased being disgusted years ago.  Now I'm between livid and fighting mad.  I've gotten into these dogfights before on this blog and others and it is emotionally draining especially when you KNOW you are right.  Luckily, the comments weren't as vomit inducing as the ones that were present when Rihanna was beat the hell down.  I didn't have the sudden urge to pray for Jesus' second coming over and over again like previous events.  Of course, there was going to be a faction of zombies to come to his defense as witnessed by this video of his interview with The Breakfast Club (click here to see interview).

I'm not here to say whether he hit her or not.  I don't care if she was the Virgin Mary or if she was the Whore of Babylon.  If she was abused, and at Joe Budden's hands, he needs to be put on blast, put away, never to come back from the halls of mediocrity or relevance.  This in essence is the problem.  It seems that when it comes to women being abused, specifically black women and other women of color, black women are only worthy of the most disparaging comments and activity known to humanity.  Yes, we've internalized white supremacy's idea that black women are deserving of abuse, and WANT it, because we are seen as oversexed, morally depraved, and as representing the worst that womanhood has to offer.  No one waits for the information, and even when the information is presented and compelling, it's immediately discounted as false.  She showed pictures of the baby she allegedly miscarried.  Instead of acknowledging that they could be just as real, as they could be fake, it seems like black people in various sectors of the internet automatically believed they were fake.  There is no parity here.  I am not saying to automatically call the guy guilty.  I'm just saying that the lack of parity, and fairness, in this case indicates that there truly is something wrong with US as a collective.  There is something that is affecting us as a culture. and its cancerous, and those of us wise enough to recognize this problem need to be out there condemning those who would seek to trash black women (and other women, especially those of color) because they've been drinking from the well of misogyny, sexism and racism (yes, racism) for far too damned long. 

I don't like to sit back.  I see myself as a voice for those who cannot speak, especially my children.  My daughter is only five months old, but I'll be damned if I don't show my pure and utter disdain for anyone or anything that would treat her like a dog, especially if she had been abused or injured by a male, or anyone for that matter.  People can sit back and pretend that they don't hear anything, but this type of ignorance makes me mad as hell, and I refuse to bind my tongue to spare anyone's sensibilities or sensitivities.  If you want passive aggression, go elsewhere.  My daughter is still seen as a black woman.  I've dealt with this before.  When I was attacked by a black kid at school who had been bullying me, I was told that I somehow instigated it just for being alive.  I was already systemically bullied, my self-esteem destroyed to pure ash, and lower than whale shit as my First Sergeant used to say.  But I was a black girl, and I must have done SOMETHING to aggravate this boy, even when he was the aggressor and I tried to get away.  I fought back alright, but I will never forget being vilified for doing nothing; for being a victim.  I'm stronger now though.  I have a voice now though.  And I thank God for putting me through that because I'm not asleep at the wheel.  I know what the hell is going on, and I won't let my little sisters go where I have been if they don't have to.

Gina over at  What About Our Daughters actually summed this up quite well:

A Black man or boy on the other hand can engage in all manner of morally repugnant behavior and we are told that we must rally every resource available to “rescue,” “forgive,” “redeem” or otherwise save these men and boys. The entire community will rally behind foolishness. We’ll march. We’ll riot. We’ll collect donations. We’ll run to the message boards of ESSENCE.com to offer our impassioned defense of “the precious.”



Its the exact opposite with Black girls. From the time she leaves the womb, a little Black girl had better figure out how to be perfect and not screw up. You walk the wrong place, wear the wrong clothes, experiment in the wrong activity, and you’re done! You choose the wrong guy and he beats the crap out of you... your fault.

I couldn't agree more.  I have two sons.  I want a fair and just world for my sons and my daughter.  I want a world of equality, not sexism, racism or misogyny.  I want a world where my sons AND daughter are equally valued and protected, not one over the other.  That's not balance, and a lack of balance is always problematic.  Gina is right and it broke my heart, even though I know this to be true, when she said that a black girl ought to know to be perfect, or basically she's fucked.  How do I tell my daughter that if she makes an accusation, she will be treated like Hester Prynne in The Scarlet Letter because she was born part-Black and female?  How do I prepare her for that and NOT get angry?  I don't... Not get angry that is.

Mind you I'm not mad at Joe Budden based on allegations, although knowing his type, I'd probably bet on the fact that he did do something to her.  I'm mad because these are serious allegations and he's shucking and jiving on the radio, on the internet, having a good time, giving interviews... Where's the sense of gravitas?  This woman is accusing you of beating the piss out of her and causing her to miscarry a child?  What's there to laugh at?  Whether or not he did abuse Esther Baxter will remain to be seen (and if we look at his track record with other women, he has some serious proclivities to commit violence against women).  What is clear, however, is that this woman is being dragged through the mud based on her efforts to tell her side of the story, while HE is being defended by one too many sectors of the black community at large for no other reason than being black and male.

There are many variants on this idea, so I will summarize, and I ask.  If a society is measured by how it treats its women, children, the needy, the vulnerable and its minorities, what does it say about us when we could care less to get all the particulars?  What does it say about us when black women can expect to be met with degradation, dehumanization, and damnation when they are the victims of abuse?  What does it say about us when the life of a child is seen as expendable?  What does it say about us when we don't ask questions and don't expect more from those whose celebrity we extol and praise?

It's time to ring the alarm and to blow the whistle on Joe Budden and all the people whose only goal is to keep black women down, not just today, but perpetually down.  It's time to stand up to those who only see black women as nothing more than chattel, and vessels for society's abuse.  If WE keep silent, then who will speak?