Monday, September 22, 2008


Out of Money

After my parents divorced way back in 19..whenever, my dad never paid child support. My mom never took him to court, nor did she ever push the issue. A part of me was pissed for a long time that she didn't because I felt like we went without when it didn't have to be that way. I believe my mother's pride was behind her not asking for anything from him. Without going into details, I'm sure you can get the picture. She put up with Lotta bullshit, he had different women, they got divorced. Now, my mom did struggle to hold it together, and it was only as an adult looking back that I'm able to see that. I used to think that she was selfish for not taking him to court for anything; I felt like she was only thinking about herself instead of my brothers and I. But you know what? We all turned out pretty good. I believe just by her doing that, it taught us the lesson of not relying on anybody for anything. My dad rarely volunteered to assist financially if he ever did at all. That also pissed me off for a long time through my teen years. I felt like he was a selfish muthafucka who really didn't care. I carried this image of him in my head for years. It wasn't until recently that I actually got over it.

Now that scenario I explained comes from me, the kid of two divorced parents. But the shit is a little bit different from the norm. I say that because 70% of childern are born out of wedlock. And often, the custodial parent is the female. I'm all about a man being a man and taking care of his kids. And when I say that, I'm not just speaking just from a financial stanpoint. I believe that being a father requires alot more than just signing a check. However, I have a problem with the court saying, "hey dude, if you don't pay your child support we'll throw your ass in jail!" Ultimately I don't think that the court cares about my kid at all. Truthfully, I think them enforcing child support orders are their way of protecting themselves or getting some payback (if you will) for the kids that benefit from the welfare system. Its as though its their own insurance policy. I mean when you break it down, who benefits? The system does! Not the mother, not the kids! But the system does. They do because it means that if all men paid their child support, their would be no need for welfare. When a man gets thrown in jail for non payment, who benefits? Damn sure aint the mother, damn sure aint the kid! So who benefits? The system does! The state (who issues welfare) gets paid per locked up muthafucka! So you see, that's why its a win win situation for them, and definitely not for the parties involved, be it the mother, father or kid(s).

And lets be honest, the majority of the people who go to jail for child support are poor. When I say poor I'm also referring to being poorly educated. With 70% of kids being born out of wedlock I'm pretty sure that the majority of those parents are not educated past high school. So its as though poor people are punished for having kids. Yeah poor people are not supposed to have kids because it just leads to more poor people in this country. That's how I see it and I think its bullshit. But what can we do, huh? Maybe if men had verbal disclaimers this wouldn't be a problem. I mean if more men said, "hey listen umm, I know we about to fuck and all but I want you to know that if you get pregnant I'm not gonna take care of the kid...I got more bitches to holla at." Upon hearing this hopefully the woman wouldn't have sex with the guy. And as a result, there wouldn't be unwanted pregancies, kids given up for adoption, abortions, women being mad at the father of their kid(s), women thinking that niggas aint shit and men going to jail because they failed the population control test!

I get disgusted when I hear women refer to the father of their kids as "sperm donors". I've even heard a few women refer to them this way in the company of their kids. The women who say that need to think before saying those words, because it sure says alot about her character more so than the man she CHOSE to have sex with. If he's a sperm donor, doesn't that make you a sprem bank? How about explaining to your kid that daddy's not around because mommy was a sperm bank. When I hear a woman say that its as though she's saying, "boy was I an idiot!" I think child support should be for couples who dissolve their marriages rather than unwed individuals.

What do you think ?


10-acious_D (predatorius politicalis) said...

Hmmmmmmm, man sometimes I think we was separated at birth or something cause our lives damn near mirror each other...Anywho, Imma do ya one further...I didn't meet my father until I was 18! Needless to say he never did shit for me! My stepfather never did shit for me either, except kick my ass whenever he found a half a reason! I'm so glad he was a happy drunk or I would have done a Melendez on his ass! But getting to the question I also think it should be for recently divorced people with kids. More than likely if they didn't just hand out checks every time a girl got pregnant maybe some of them would think twice. There is no incentive not to get pregnant nor married for that matter, and we see punishing the father is not working, time to try something new! I mean in IDEAL world everyone takes care of their responsibilities but this is not that world!

The truth of the matter is...I am probably going to take a little heat for this...but short of rape the sex was given away...Now apply that to this situation and you got your solution. This is where that personal responsibility comes in! BUT...You cannot legislate morality! Good Post!


Kit (Keep It Trill) said...

I have two thoughts.

One, I think the kids do benefit both economically and psychologically when the daddy helps out with child support unless the mother is blowing it on herself.

Historically, men did not pay for their bastard children, and this caused a lot of pain in England for those women and their children as there was no welfare and women couldn't get decent jobs and many turned to whoredom. A great movie with this as a subplot is Les Miserables. Liam Neesom and Uma Thurman starred in it; I saw for the 2nd time recently since my daughter had to do an essay on it. You'll get an idea of what I'm talking about if you rent it.

But you're dead right, the privatized prison system - which is nothing less than a neo-slave plantation - benefits when these men are locked up. And systemic racism makes it hard them to go to good school with well-equipped sports teams and later, have enough good jobs for everyone who wants one. Thus, the cards are stacked against you at birth.

Second, I hate the term sperm bank. Gee-zus, it's so disrespectful and dishonest. If women insisted on condom use 100% of the time, this would cut down on the over-whelming majority of accidental pregnancies and STDs. Problem is, most young folks don't have the maturity to realize this and/or the discipline to do it.

As they say, if you play, you pay, one way or the other, and so do the kids.

Dirty Red said...

Damn good post.
I am like you, I believe strongly that a man has to be there from the time the child gets pushed out, to the time that child has a child of their own. And then they have to be around still. Being a Father is a lifelong thing. That is the only thing that should have the label "till death do us part." Just giving money is not good enoungh. I think that they should revamp the laws. Instead of putting the fool in jail,they should force them to go to PTA meetings, mandatory time at the park, school sports activities,correcting homework and making sure that the child gets tucked in at night. Money is not enoungh. Time is more important. You don't have to stay with the "sperm bank" but you damn sure have to maintain your investment that you put into the bank.
I also agree with you about the term "sperm doners". It goes back to the saying that women love to throw out,all men are dogs. Well, there would not be any dogs if there were not any bitches.


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