LIKE MIKE, IF I COULD BE LIKE.....MIKE?

I was watching an NFL pregame show on FOX recently and I saw Michael Strahan. When I saw the guy, my initial thought was: "Damn this muthafucka got skinny real quick!" Have you seen him lately? He retired from professional football less than a year ago and he has significant weight and muscle tone loss.

I think its amazing how the non-continuance of "certain" activities impact your life. Like, Mark McGuire for example. You remember how that dude was built like brick shit house and had those huge guns? He used to have tree trunks for thighs! Well have you seen him lately? Nowadays he looks like a white dude who who can get knocked the fuck out on the regular at a local pub for being drunk and trying to kiss any an everybody.,

I used to weigh alot less when I used to drink, smoke cigarettes, do drugs, have sex with random fat chicks without condoms after I left the club drunk at 3am. I was unhealthy. And whats jacked up is that I don't do any of that stuff anymore, and now I'm like about 50lbs heavier. So much for trying to be healthy huh. Oh well, its not like I was a multimillion dollar professional athlete anyway.

I said all of that to say this....

What the fuck happened to Mike Tyson ? Look at him. Do you see how fat this guy has gotten? I mean, I know he was a coke head. Hell, I think he still has charges pending for cocaine possession out in Arizona. But look at him. He's obviously not riding the White Horse like he used to. Hell, from the looks of it he's eating horses these days instead of riding them. I swear, dude looks like a fat midget who ate all 75 of Evander Hollyfield's kids.

The messed up part of the fat Mike Tyson to me, has to be that damn tattoo. Having a crazy ass tattoo on your face is cool when you look like a menace. You can be deisel in the hood like he used to be and have a tattoo like that and niggas would give you respect, or be afraid of you. But a fat dude with that shit on his face? I'm sorry fat dude, you scare nobody. You might still be able to knock a few guys out. But err, umm, a dude can smack the shit outta you, run and live to tell about it. Sorry Mike, you're not in shape anymore like you used to be.

Which, ain't a bad thing if you're not boxing anymore. Matter of fact, its a good thing. It shows everybody that inspite of being broke, that you didn't use steriods like the other athletes mentioned in this post. Oh yeah, and the next time you go to court for some not so well thought out act as you're known to do?! Its safe to say that the judge will assume that you're a washed up bum, and not some coke head.

I still love you though Mike. Aside from being the enigmatic individual you are, I love you. And yes, I'd still put my money on you in a Buster Douglas rematch today. If you lose, it wouldn't be as embarrassing as the first time. Hell, both of you fuckers would be fat has beens to the sport anyway. Win, lose or draw, it would still be better watching instead of seeing you wrestle grizzly bears at a circus.