Saturday, December 5, 2009

Aretha Franklin, Aretha Franklin, Aretha Franklin lemme rock ya Aretha Franklin that's all I wanna do Aretha Franklinnnn!

Every time I read, hear, or see the name Lady Gaga I think of fellatio, but when I see her I think of puke. Yep, and then there was this mess. What the fuck is wrong with Aretha Franklin? I mean I know it gets cold in the city of Detroit, but that's not exactly the reason to leave your house looking like a cross be tween the lion from The Wiz and Chewbacca. Seriously Aretha, this shit has to stop, and stop right now.

I could be wrong, but when someone is the queen of soul, I'd like to think they take more care as to how they present themselves when in the spotlight. I dunno, things in Detroit are tough economically and people are in need of money and all. But did you really have to hire Stevie Wonder to pick out your wardrobe?

Have you seen Stevie's hairline lately Aretha?!

Aretha, you're Black royalty, and especially since Michael Jackson is now dead and gone, I'm gonna need you to take this Queen shit more seriously. Earlier this year when you wore that big-ass ugly green puke colored hat at the presidential inauguration and people roasted you I figured you'd get the hint. But what did you do for an encore Aretha? You show up at the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree Lighting looking like a grizzly bear pissed off because someone woke him up from hibernation too early.

Lemme guess, PETA offered to save your house from foreclosure last year if you would stop wearing fur, and you're mad that they put you, your highness, on blast, right? I understand, I wouldn't want people to know that I'm broke or having financial troubles either. Yep, fuck PETA! I hate them skinny salad eating vegetarian fuckers Aretha. They should have gave you the money on the low and not put you out there like that.

But one question: weren't your titties cold in that Manhattan air? Surely your head, face and ass wasn't with all that dead rabbit covering it, but what about the titties Aretha? Yeah, I know them things are huge and you love putting them out there like that; and trust me, I like them. But damn, you're like 84yrs old Aretha! Your titties could have caught pneumonia, or worse, the Swine Flu. I'm just sayin'... in the summer time that's cool if you wanna come out in a tank-top from Forever 21 as you're known to do, but, er, um, in the dead of winter Aretha?

Look, I'm gonna stop for now because the last thing I wanna do is not R-E-S-P-E-C-T the queen. But I'd be damned if her face in the pic above doesn't look like the head of a penis poking out from under the extra uncircumcised foreskin of some Negroes dick....[pause].... um, definitely not a good look there your majesty.


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