Friday, December 25, 2009

New Rule: No more Black Santa Claus!

Am I the only one with a problem when I see black men dressed as Santa Claus? I mean no joke, that shit bugs me. It's bad enough that we lie to our kids and have them believing that Santa is real. But damn, do we have to insult the intelligence of our children by presenting the fraud that is Black Santa? I mean c'mon! How many black men or black families are there with the last name Claus.

I'm sorry, but I seriously doubt whether the Claus' were plantation owners. And besides if Santa was Black, I'm sure he would have already been shot or in jail for breaking into the homes of white people to "allegedly"  drop off gifts. I'm all about diversity and all, but I have yet to see an Asian, East Indian, Arabian or Mexican Santa. Must "we" continue with this charade for the sake of assimilation.

Shit, I bet white kids secretly laugh when they see some black guy dressed as Santa Claus. Could you imagine a white kid going to the mall with his or her parents to sit on the lap of Santa and ask for presents? Can you imagine how fucked up that white kid would be upon getting there only to run into a Black Santa? There are no reindeer, snow, and sleighs in Africa; and hell, Africa isn't even close to the North Pole. Besides, how do you explain Black Santa being the boss of a few white midgets? Isn't that sorta like slavery, or pretty close to child sweatshop labor?

So every year when I see these Black Santas I get disappointed; and yes, something in me wants to yell "GET A JOB!". Not only that, I don't trust those guys. I usually think that they're just a bunch of guys up to no good. You know, kinda sorta like they're in a gang wearing all that red n' shit? Yeah, that's how I look at 'em. Yeah, and the whole long white beard thing is pretty dumb; can those brothers wear a goatee or sumthin?  I mean really, would you trust that dude in the pic above while he has your child in his lap?

Look, there are no Black men with the first name Santa, or the last name Claus. Now, the name Ralo Jenkins, Junebug Johnson, Candyman, or Kunta? That's a name I could respect if I'm gonna pass off some silly made up traditional story. Yeah, I'd tell my kids if they say his name three times in a mirror he just might show up with gifts if they've been good all year. Yep, I'll tell them about his flying rottweilers or some shit like that. OK yeah, so the whole Kwanzaa thing didn't really work or took off. But can we at least have a brotha in a Dashiki or Kinte cloth so he can be culturally relevant?

We keep up this Black Santa thing and next thing you know, R. Kelly or Shane Sparks may wanna get in on the act. And do we really want that to happen? My wife told me the other day that starting next year I have to dress up and play Santa for our then 3yr old. The jury is still out as to whether that's gonna happen. I'm down with the whole black Barbie thing, but that Santa stuff has to go. The next thing you know, people are gonna start believing that Jesus was a black man.

Merry Christmas folks!


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