Monday, March 15, 2010
Obesity, Chinese Food & Oily Farts
I've been a resident of Memphis TN for about 4yrs now. My city has the dubious distinction, of being one of the most obese cities in the country. Everywhere I go, I see fat people. Hell, since moving here I've picked up 50lbs. Imagine that! I was already a fat bastard, but moving to Memphis sure as hell didn't help. Recently I heard the statistic on the local news; these results happened to be the result of research via some gov't agency. I don't always believe everything I hear when it comes to statistics, but it was a recent visit to a restaurant here that opened my eyes.
A couple weeks ago, our family went out to eat. Now mind you, we don't eat out much, so this was a rare event. We went to a restaurant that's fairly new around here. The restaurant is called 'Chow Time', and was described in a commercial as the biggest Chinese restaurant with a buffet in Memphis. Now I love Chinese food. Yup, I love it even as much as black men love bar-b-cue, and I don't care if it's dog or cat meat being served. At this point, I've eaten the shit enough to not even care if my plate starts barking. I mean, that's how much I love Chinese food, and I'm not playing.
So we pull up to this restaurant after having to get directions to find it. Upon parking, my first thought was on just how huge this place was. For a restaurant, the building was unusually large in my opinion. Right then and there I knew I was gonna be in Chinese food heaven. Upon entering the restaurant, I noticed something weird. As I entered the door, I noticed a sign which had the price of the buffet on it. Nothing unusual about that right? Right! Except, at the bottom of the price list it said that there was a minimum charge of $3 for people sitting at tables and not partaking of a meal. Either these people are offended that somebody would sit there and not eat this great food, or they're conscious of the fact that niggas love gettin over.
But I digest...
The city of Memphis is about 70% black so it was no surprise to see nothing but fellow Negroes in this restaurant. The place was huge, and there had to be about a good 200 people patronizing the place. What was surprising tho, is that most of the workers were Mexican, and not Chinese. Of course there were black people working there, but the Chinese were the minority. I think I only saw probably three Chinese chicks working there as waitresses. Ironically, the people working the register was neither Black or Hispanic. Yep, can't have them around the money. So with this many people I just knew the buffet was gonna be off the hook, right? Wrong! Wrong! The buffet itself had more American food than Chinese food. They had, two sections of the buffet dedicated to Soul Food and your basic American food, and one half ass section with my beloved Chinese food.
When I looked at the buffet, I could see that there was a constant line. A line at a buffet? WTF?!! Yeah there was a line. All these fat ass, grease drinking black people were lined up for Soul Food. Can you believe that shit? Who the hell goes to a Chinese restaurant to eat Soul Food? I know they all couldn't be first timers like me and my family, right? It was only then that I realized just how fat or obese the people in this city truly are. I swear 'fo God and Malik Yoba's crusty lips, I think I even saw a person drinking straight from the ketchup bottle.
But I digestive tract...
I gotta lose weight, and get healthier. Currently its something that I'm working on. At my last doctor visit I even asked my doc about using the diet pill Alli. I'm diabetic so I consult with my doctor on everything. He said that it wasn't a good idea to take that pill because of the side effects. He told me that it cause oily farts. Yeah! He said that it makes you shit a lot, and when you fart, oil shoots out of your butt. He tried to convince me that a change in diet and exercise is all I needed without the aid of diet pills. I'm still on the fence about the diet pill thing, but I'm sold on not having oily farts. But then again with gas prices going up as they have....
I think I need to move to Madisonville Ohio and get the hell out of Memphis. Yeah, I'm gonna move there and do nothing but eat at Rally's all day long. Just by doing that, I'll lose weight. Don't believe me huh? Well you see, in Madisonville Ohio, at this Rally's fast-food outlet they serve crack with their sandwiches. Yeah, this lady bought a fish sandwich, took it home to eat, and found crack on her sandwich. I saw her interviewed on the news about the experience and I have to say that she should have eaten the sandwich. She looked like she could stand to lose a few pounds like me. It might not be a bad idea to start spiking our fast food with crack cocaine. We'll all lose weight, and we'll do it without oily farts, shit stains, and diarreah from FDA approved Alli that's for sure.